.@SuzanneVenker Love your podcast, but I’d like to make a suggestion. You start your podcasts with “Where men and women are equal in value, but wildly different by nature.“
This bumps me every time because it's not true, and it's actually a harmful idea (to men). Hear me out...
Women are more valuable than men, inherently, and men need to understand this in order to be better men
Men not understanding this fact is part of what holds them back from taking the necessary action to BUILD their own value, and fully occupy the masculine pole
I know your focus is on women, but do men a solid here, and stop saying this
If we are equal in anything, it is in DIGNITY, not value
Take this example...
Imagine you are the alpha leader of a tribe of 100 early hominids, 50 men, 50 women..
Among the 50 women, 15 are too old to breed, another 15 are too young. Among the men, about 35 are able to breed
If your tribe is to survive (the elements and conflicts w/ other tribes) NOTHING can happen to those 15 fertile women. The men, in comparison, are totally expendable
If you were a warring tribe, strategizing on how to conquer this other tribe, your target would be those 15 women - stealing them or killing them
Literally who they mate with determines the success of the entire tribe
When you think about it like that, it seems silly to even leave their mating choice up to them
This is the origin of the arranged marriage
Ss you can see, these women are INHERENTLY valuable. Their eggs make them more valuable than men.
It's actually laughable how incongruous the value comparison is when this is understood. As they say: EGGS ARE EXPENSIVE, SPERM IS CHEAP.
This is why men sign up for Selective Service, and women don't
This is why how a woman "feels" is a priority for anyone but her
Who she mates with matters for ALL of us
This is why "All jobs exist so the stay at home mom job can exist" - CS Lewis
A man, on the other hand, is not inherently valuable...
His value comes from his social standing, physical strength, ability to provide safety (physical, financial and emotional)
All of these "abilities" are actively worked for (and coached by fathers) over a childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood
"Women protect their value, men create their value"
If you think men and women are equal in value, I'd ask you to look at any 22 year old woman, vs a 22 year old man
If she's cute, people will bend over backwards to support her ..
A 22 year old man, with no money, no social standing, no career... literally does not exist. The truth is, men like this have to actively work not to slip into oblivion
Most women can't imagine how jarring it is for all of society to simply STOP caring about them overnight
But learning that you are NOT valuable is actually a critical step in order to BECOME valuable
Men need to know what they already know deep down, that no one cares about them. The cavalry ain't coming. And it's certainly not coming in the form of a woman.
There is no "unconditional" for us. We need to work for all of it.
Again, much of what you talk about for women is "making room" for their men to lead. Good for you. But do us men a solid and don't perpetuate the belief in equal value. ..
So I would suggest you change it to "Where men and women are equal in dignity, but wildly different by nature"
Thanks
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Men who have witnessed the ruthless, ugly, exploitative side of women and become single as a result, will have to ask themselves:
Are we “healing”, or have we just isolated ourselves and removed our triggers?
1/
The post-breakup/divorce PEACE can be absolutely other-worldly, divine, and addictive
Realizing we don’t “need” anyone is an empowering revelation, one we could have used prior :)
2/
But there are only 2 ways to prevent repeating the same leadership failure:
1. Place a ceiling on all future relationships, a wall through which we allow no women (essentially choosing peace over depth of connection, and possibly life meaning). A perfectly valid choice
3/
To many men, women (especially older women) seem to display a severe lack of curiosity about anything outside of their own experience. Even, especially, when it’s something their own partner is sharing about their experience
They’ll deny it of course…
1/
She could talk about her trip to China for 20 minutes, and when he interrupts to say “oh yeah, I used to live in China”, she says “cool!”… then continues on talking about herself
This is especially pronounced if he’s talking about something she might perceive as weak…
2/
Complaining about something, talking about an injury, a problem he’s dealing with, etc.
See my earlier post about him being “the container” to her content. When he shares in this way it breaks the frame/content order, and she can feel it
3/
Your woman’s in a crappy mood, and you ask her to go to the movies. “NO!”
So you distract her a little bit with some conversation, do your best to make her laugh, pay her a compliment or two, then do a little dance with her in the kitchen. Suddenly her mood has changed…
2/
“Come on sweetheart, I’m taking you to the movies :)”
“Ok :) that sounds fun”
Was she lying before? Saying that she didn’t wanna go to the movies?
Was she playing games with you?
Was she deliberately trying to confuse you and cause friction and pain?
Marriage was never about love or feelings. It was a partnership to procreate and survive
100 years of Hollywood focus on one piece of that puzzle that “sells” (the amazing feelings that CAN come and go within that partnership) has redefined the very purpose of the union
1/
Now almost all (western) women believe marriage is about them and their emotions being satisfied or not by a man
Men, too, convinced that their role is to make her happy (happy wife, happy life)
2/
Marriage is about children. Adults coming together to build two decades of safety and security for offspring
An adult allowing his or her emotions to get in the way of that (let alone destroy it) is nothing but a tantrum that sends a ripple of pain through their genealogy
3/
Stage 1: Taking what you feel on the inside, and expressing it immediately on the outside
“Get upstairs goddamnit! I told you five times! Go brush your teeth!”
2/
Stage 2: A communication-based expression
“OK kids, if we don’t brush our teeth and get in bed now, we’re not gonna feel great in the morning we might be late for school, let’s build good habits here”
3/
Stage 3 considers THEIR experience and works with ENERGY
Stage 3: “OK monkeys, first one to get upstairs and brush teeth & get in pajamas on gets a gold medal from the Olympic bedtime judges. Last one gets called BozoBooty until lunchtime tomorrow. On your mark get set go!”
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