1. While not remotely trying to compete with @Saltygoat5’s earlier #CookingForLieutenants thread, which looked absofuckinglutely amaze balls, I made fried rice for my kids tonight. Thread.
2. Standard disclaimer: this is for a home cook with time constraints who wants to make something for themself or a few others without needing to figure out how to make a proper demiglace, but if you really need to know, then DM me.
3. The key to fried rice is cold leftover rice, because it breaks apart more easily than recently cooked rice, & doesn’t shed excess & unneeded starch during the cooking process. In this case, I used 2 cups of rice from last night that had been in the fridge.
4. I made a simple omelet with 4 eggs, & doused it with a ton of salt. Remember, you’re going to add rice which is a blank canvas. I chopped it small, maybe 1/4” wide, just to better mix with the other ingredients. 
5. In the same pan (nonstick rondeau in this case), I sautéed 2 diced yellow onions in grapeseed oil. I seasoned liberally with salt & pepper.
6. Add your cold rice & mix thoroughly. Add about 1/2 cup soy sauce & 1/4 cup sesame oil. Beat the shit out of the rice with a wooden spoon to break it apart.
7. I had originally planned on baking & dicing chicken breasts, but the kids insisted on hot dogs because the Korean blood tells. These were organic all-beef low-sodium franks. I cut them in half, then into 1/2 moons, then mixed them into the rice.
8. Keep mixing over medium heat until your last clump or cold rice has broken apart & looks brown after absorbing the soy sauce. Then the pièce de résistance, frozen peas, which will, like the rice, absorb what had previously been an overly-seasoned dish.
9. Mix over low heat until the peas have defrosted & become incorporated into the dish. Serve with a side of cucumber from their grandmother’s garden, doused with soy. Ensure that your toughest critics approve.
10. Reward yourself with a adult beverage for keeping hunger & scurvy at bay for your rapidly growing little humans.
11. Here endeth the lesson.
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