Thread by @matvelloso

Years ago when I moved to US I rented an apartment, wife was still in Brazil, so I ordered a bunch of furniture online. Like, everything: Dinner table, chairs, bed, etc.

https://twitter.com/bitcrazed/status/1301906075944284163

But what I didn't notice was a small print that said:

"Curbside delivery"

TAN TAN TAAAAAAAAN

On the delivery day a truck arrives. The driver opens the back of the truck, looks at me and asks:

-Where is everybody else?

I found that question a bit weird... Like: Did I order too much furniture, what the hell?

He then proceeds to unload one single HUGE ASS BOX that contained EEEEEEEVERYTHING I ordered. He had to use a mofo electric lift machine to just unload it down to the ground. It was huge.

That was the moment where everything made sense to me in a terrifying way.

I was like:

-What am I supposed to do with this?

And he was like:

-Well I can either leave it here or take it back...

So I told him to leave it in the middle of the car parking lots (the box was occupying 2 car spaces I kid you not. I considered moving into the box.

Then provided with all my courage I rushed back to the apartment, grabbed a knife, came back outside and (no, I did not use it against the guy, you people have terrible thoughts Jesus...) I proceeded to open the box apart right there in the middle of the street.

Then right at that moment what happens? It starts RAINING. Because OF COURSE IT DID.

I look up and yell: ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME???

Close up to the truck driver:

Me: "Don't you have another terrifying delivery to make?"

Driver: "No I'm good"

So I proceed to remove the plastic wrap from the furniture, cover the box with it and then start taking piece by piece of the furniture inside the apartment.

That whole process took me a couple of hours.

And this is another normal Friday in Mat's life.