1. Hello and welcome! It’s episode 313 of #MrMrsBetterHalf. Mr. & Mrs Better Half is designed to strengthen marriages & relationships that will lead to marriage, with wisdom from God's Word. 
2. In the last episode, we discussed the issue, “Ambition is not the monster” Missed it? Catch up here: wakelet.com/wake/C7lUnVyJF… #MrMrsBetterHalf
3. This week’s situation is “How to deal with a breakup”. Breakups – both for single and married people can be hard to deal with. For this episode, however, I will be speaking more to the singles. #MrMrsBetterHalf
4. If you were in a relationship at the start of the year, you might have had high hopes of it ending in marriage or at least an engagement. The fact that instead, you are ending the year with a breakup can make an already tough situation worse. #MrMrsBetterHalf
5. If you feel like your biological clock is ticking, you might be frustrated at the reality of starting all over. The first date, getting to know a new person, dealing with the awkwardness, butterflies, vulnerability and hoping it all won’t be a waste of time. #MrMrsBetterHalf
6. However, breakups at the end and beginning of a year are more prevalent because people are rethinking their lives and making resolutions about their futures. These decisions can also mean ending certain relationships. #MrMrsBetterHalf
7. The truth is that evaluation is encouraged. As a pastor and leader, I have been encouraging people to rethink and reset their lives for better productivity and alignment to God’s will even as this year comes to an end. #MrMrsBetterHalf
8. The challenge, however, is that in the name of re-evaluating their lives sometimes people make irrational, emotional decisions that can hurt rather than help them. So please take your time and think clearly before making decisions. #MrMrsBetterHalf
9. Generally, it is better to be the initiator of change than for change to happen to you. For instance, it is better to resign than to get fired. Or leave the business sector before it goes down. Losses tend to hit hardest when you were not prepared for them. #MrMrsBetterHalf
10. To be the initiator of change, you must be sensitive to the environment. Ask yourself how things are going in your relationship. Are things working? Are you moving forward and getting deeper in your commitment? Or are you just coasting? #MrMrsBetterHalf
11. I have seen singles who were seemingly blindsided by a breakup - especially when they had been dating for years. Many times, the signs were there. Nothing was moving. The relationship was stagnant, but they either didn’t notice or turned a blind eye to it. #MrMrsBetterHalf
12. It shows a lack of sensitivity to be totally blindsided by a breakup. While some people are expert deceivers, there'd have still been signs that you or loved ones could have seen. That's why it’s good to have people around you even when in a relationship. #MrMrsBetterHalf
13. Sometimes you know that something is wrong, but you choose to be complacent or don't want to be the initiator. Some people don’t want to be the villain, so they wait for the other person to break up. This is not about sensitivity but a lack of courage. #MrMrsBetterHalf
14. When you see a problem and you choose not to fix it, you immediately brand yourself the victim. Life happens to you; you don’t happen to life. That’s not the best way to live. You should be a catalyst for change. #MrMrsBetterHalf
15. Now it’s important to note that I am not advocating for you to break up if your relationship is not working. I’m advocating that you should recognize when change is needed and act accordingly. A stitch in time saves nine. Better to be proactive than reactive. #MrMrsBetterHalf
16. Have a conversation with your partner on how your relationship is doing and where it is going especially as the year ends. If something needs repairing, face it. Are the issues with trust, honesty, care, accountability? Address them and find the way forward. #MrMrsBetterHalf
17. Ask pertinent questions. What are we doing in 2020? Is this the year of marriage? (It doesn’t have to be but what is the plan?) What does the future hold? What do we need to get there? How do we make ourselves better? Are we becoming better or bitter? #MrMrsBetterHalf
18. If your relationship is not growing, it’s dying. That’s the way life is. Change is evidence that there is still life, and you want good change, not a bad change. Remaining at status quo should not be an option. #MrMrsBetterHalf
19. I must also mention that sometimes you can misinterpret the relationship and mislabel friendship, romance. Just because you are great friends with someone doesn’t mean you have to marry him or her. #MrMrsBetterHalf
20. You might find that even though you are friends, your lives don't align. You don’t want the same things or have compatible visions. Or you have genotype issues that you can’t cope with. Don’t drag things out; amicably cut ties so you both don’t get hurt. #MrMrsBetterHalf
21. If after evaluations nothing changes or your relationship is still headed nowhere, it may have run its course. If a breakup happens - whether or not you initiated it, count it all joy. Believe that it is for your good. It is a breakup, not a breakdown. #MrMrsBetterHalf
22. See it as a necessary ending making way for a new beginning. Don’t allow negative emotions to get the best of you. Don’t sink into depression over a breakup. Something better is on the horizon – a better you and a better mate. #MrMrsBetterHalf
23. Don’t hang on to a bad relationship or one that isn't meant for u. Any relationship that made u feel worthless, needy, unhappy, taken for granted, angry, jittery, or fearful is a bad relationship. A good relationship should bring the best not the worst in u. #MrMrsBetterHalf
24. I know break ups hurt. But I can tell you with certainty & from personal experience that not every pain in life is bad. The pain of a breakup can be one that leads to growth & newness. Be open to healing & allow time to do its work. Let your life to go on. #MrMrsBetterHalf
25. So, what next? Prepare for what’s ahead and rediscover yourself. Get ready for something new and don’t wallow in self-pity – take it as an opportunity to improve yourself. #MrMrsBetterHalf
26. Reflect on the mistakes you made; how you can improve yourself if you put God in the centre of your relationship, and so on. Then shake yourself up – make plans to enjoy yourself, rediscover yourself, enjoy your life and be optimistic. #MrMrsBetterHalf
27. Please don’t become a serial dater! Some say the best way to get over someone is to get someone else. That's false. You're not a commercial train that anyone can hop on & off. You can become an emotional wreck this way. Have more value for yourself. #MrMrsBetterHalf
28. Learn to love yourself and be by yourself. Some people don’t know how to be alone. This is a problem because you can attach yourself to the wrong people. You should be a whole person, not a fragmented person looking for someone to make you whole. #MrMrsBetterHalf
29. Also, fight the tendency to be bitter with every fibre of your being. Don’t be that person that badmouths his or her ex all over town for years after the breakup. The longer you hang on to bitterness, the worse off you will be. #MrMrsBetterHalf
30. To produce that kind of bitterness you have to be bitter yourself. And a bitter person is unattractive. So, if you want to move on, forgive that person (if s/he wronged you), shake it off and move on! Approach life in positivity. #MrMrsBetterHalf
31. If you are heartbroken, take time to heal and reflect. If you need counsel, don’t be ashamed to get some. Just be deliberate about jumping any emotional hurdles that will prevent you from approaching life and your next relationship in a healthy manner. #MrMrsBetterHalf
32. Being healthy and whole will help you be a better mate when a new relationship comes. It will also help you identify a healthy mate as well. The best relationships are those with 2 whole partners. #MrMrsBetterHalf
33. So finally, please take the time to evaluate your relationships and decide where improvements are needed and/or if you need to call it quits. Commit to making the right decision and I pray you have the courage to follow through. #MrMrsBetterHalf
34. I hope this has been helpful to you. I will be back next week with another topic. Until then, thanks for following, participating and RTing. May your marriages and relationships be sweet! #MrMrsBetterHalf
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