Unpopular opinion: Obsession with the details of someone else's suffering is a kind of objectification & akin to pornography.
Just b/c the digital age has obliterated norms of privacy doesn't mean you have to look. Or should. Exercise a modicum of self-control, people.
I once had a reviewer say she could tell I'd left personal details out of my books b/c no one gains wisdom except by suffering. She was absolutely right. But you know what? No one owes you the details.
I was reminded of this over the weekend when I saw a reporter break news of a Christian influencer's impending divorce, a grief that her readers already somewhat knew about b/c she'd asked for prayer for their family & shared that they were navigating a crisis.
I also read a book review that criticized an author for not offerin enough details of her own suffering in calling others to the comfort of Scripture. I wondered if the reviewer would have said the same thing if it had been a book about marital intimacy.
Here's what you need to understand: The sin of pornography is not sex or naked bodies. It's voyeurism & our lust to participate in & own the intimate lives of others. It's the sin of selling & exposing what should be kept private.
The online world is hard to navigate. We can easily sell what should be kept private as buy it from each other. Even our suffering.
Certainly, there's a time & place for us to share our pain & suffering. There is a great deal that we can learn from each other, from knowing that we are not alone. But we dare not demand this from each other.
We dare not feel entitled to the details of someone else's pain, even if their telling it would help *us* in some way. Suffering is a sacred thing & only God can tell someone when & how they must share it.
Over the years, I have watched as people shared details of their suffering online only to be consumed by others, not just by trolls but by those who took all the salacious bits & then abandon them. Let's be real: some people live for drama & will use your suffering for the hit.
It's simple:
You are not obligated to share the details of your suffering in public.
Do not demand that others do either.
You are not obligated to share the details of your suffering in public.
Do not demand that others do either.
I'm struck by how matter-of-factly the Scripture speaks of suffering. It is present but not gratuitous. It testifies to the pain & brokenness, but the pain & brokenness is never the point.
Suffering is a sacred thing, to be held in trust. When it is time to speak of the details, God will lead you to entrust them to the right people in the right time. But it *belongs* to no one.
And b/c someone will ask: Holding people accountable for how they harm others is not the same thing as holding suffering in sacred trust. We get this so wrong. Too often, we protect those who harm & expose those who've been harmed.
Instead, we must shelter those who've been harmed & protect them from further exposure. Simultaneously, we must bring into the light the misdeeds of those who've used privacy to abuse & harm them.
