Canada isn’t a country, it’s a rubber stump shell company for the oil industry. They let you choose your prime minister like parent let’s their kid choose what shoes to wear, and even then you re-elected a guy who wore blackface in 2001.
Ireland you sold off your proud history for the right to have tech companies squat on your soil and not pay taxes. Everyone there wants to look progressive and impress England, but my Dublin tour guide walked us by a new Chipotle with pride.
Australia was founded by rapists & continued that proud tradition on the land & aboriginal population. Your main industry is filling your universities with Chinese failsons. Your crowning cultural achievement is the time Crocodile Dundee hosted the Oscars.
Denmark if you have to tell everyone how happy you are, it means you’re not that happy. That makes you the Disneyland of nations. We’d all be smiling & goofy with your level of Prozac addiction. Hans Christian Anderson is dead, it’s time for a new author.
Germany stop tutting your tongue at us, you can’t close the book when you’re not done with the chapter. Your police have been massively infiltrated by far right groups, your 3rd largest party is fascist. Your next Hitler is 23 & obsessed with Eurovision.
Sweden’s main industries are pop music & neo-nazism. Ace of Base is when the dynasties merged. The fakest thing about Midsommar is it implied you people believe in anything. You’re a nation of sex pests descending through kinks in order to feel something
Singapore in 1993 Wired called you “Disneyland with the death penalty” & you banned the magazine from your fiefdom, missing the point entirely. “Crazy Rich Asians” was your attempt at propaganda but it made you look worse. I can feel you trying to cane me from across the pacific.
A French citizen living in the UK is like the smaller mouth emerging from the jaws of the alien in “Alien.” I don’t wear a watch, I keep track of time by watching how every French philosopher, artist, or politician comes out as a pedo every 5 min.
If you look close, the UK actually looks like one of its citizens. Scotland is the dunce cap, England the lumpy inbred head & Wales the vomit dribbling out, joining its brother puke to splatter all over Spain. Boris Johnson is like if Trump didn’t have to work to get where he was

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