Someone once said that to have children is to have your heart outside your body.

Now imagine that to stay safe from a violent partner, you have to leave your children behind temporarily with someone else.

That to be effectively safe, you can’t tell them where you are. 1/9
At an educated guess, 10% of abusive rships involve sustained physical brutality.
Maybe 5% of women in refuges are in circs that demand the safety of secrecy.

Imagine the logistics of leaving yr kids behind and not being able to see them. 2/9
For an extended period of time.

Imagine how hard that is, to stay away, to keep yourself safe when everything in you is screaming to go to them.

This is why leaving can be the most dangerous time. 3/9
If you know a/one in this space, and yr a REALLY trusted friend or rellie, buy them several sim cards.
Buy them a secret phone. Have clothes at yr place in their size.
Have a suitcase ready.
Make a plan w/them if they are aware of what they're living in and want to get out. 4/9
Legal name change is useful.
Opening a bank account in that name is useful.
Putting money in that account is imperative.

Bc he will search for her endlessly.

Again, this is not what most DV looks like.
But it's common enough. 5/9
Most of all, do not make friends with him, remain as unknown to him as you can the minute you figure out who he is.
And wait.
Be there.
But wait.
She’ll tell you its time. 6/9
Figure out the logistics first, there are many.
Make sure all the barriers, as many as you can, are removed before you take next steps.
Ring a refuge org outside yr area.
There's lists here 7/9
They will take self referrals but if she doesn't want to make contact, I am happy to refer on.
Make sure you or s/one trusted take her.
Make sure people you know, who he can't trace, are there to act as a support system. She will need it.

Check she has what she needs.
These are the steps required for a person to leave physical brutal violence.
Never ever wonder to yourself again why she doesn't leave.


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