Someone once said that to have children is to have your heart outside your body.

Now imagine that to stay safe from a violent partner, you have to leave your children behind temporarily with someone else.

That to be effectively safe, you can’t tell them where you are. 1/9
At an educated guess, 10% of abusive rships involve sustained physical brutality.
Maybe 5% of women in refuges are in circs that demand the safety of secrecy.

Imagine the logistics of leaving yr kids behind and not being able to see them. 2/9
For an extended period of time.

Imagine how hard that is, to stay away, to keep yourself safe when everything in you is screaming to go to them.

This is why leaving can be the most dangerous time. 3/9
If you know a/one in this space, and yr a REALLY trusted friend or rellie, buy them several sim cards.
Buy them a secret phone. Have clothes at yr place in their size.
Have a suitcase ready.
Make a plan w/them if they are aware of what they're living in and want to get out. 4/9
Legal name change is useful.
Opening a bank account in that name is useful.
Putting money in that account is imperative.

Bc he will search for her endlessly.

Again, this is not what most DV looks like.
But it's common enough. 5/9
Most of all, do not make friends with him, remain as unknown to him as you can the minute you figure out who he is.
And wait.
Be there.
But wait.
She’ll tell you its time. 6/9
Figure out the logistics first, there are many.
Make sure all the barriers, as many as you can, are removed before you take next steps.
Ring a refuge org outside yr area.
There's lists here 7/9

aunties.co.nz/resources/
They will take self referrals but if she doesn't want to make contact, I am happy to refer on.
Make sure you or s/one trusted take her.
Make sure people you know, who he can't trace, are there to act as a support system. She will need it.

Check she has what she needs.
8/9
These are the steps required for a person to leave physical brutal violence.
Never ever wonder to yourself again why she doesn't leave.

AND NEVER ASK HER. 9/9

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More from @aunties_the

30 Dec 19
End of year gratitude thread, incoming.
It's very long, and it's impt.
Thank you.
BEAR WITH.
1/17 Today, on eve of the anniversary of my husband's death, and the eve of the start of a new decade, there is much to be grateful for.

After Ian died, Phil stepped in for a month and met the needs of the women of the Aunties whānau.
2/17 She has now stepped up even more, and coordinates the donations, and does the online food shopping for our whanau, as well as other stuff behind the scenes.
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29 Nov 19
1/19 I'm going to have a rant. You can either listen, or you can look away, and if you look away, then we're possibly not the right fit for your kind heart.

This makes me mad.
It makes me seethingly furious.
stuff.co.nz…/welfare-system-creating-criminals…
2/19 People in this country cannot afford to eat, and pay bills, and pay their rent. They cannot afford to eat.
This is what it comes down to. And I'm going to use real examples. No names, no pack drills.
3/19 People who are WINZ users are sent to budgeting courses. Do you know what budgeters do? They mostly help people to pay off their debts.
Read 19 tweets
15 Jun 18
About to say some triggering things. Thread.
So CW.
DV. SA

a lot of ppl are up in arms abt the murder/rape of a young woman

And a lot of you cis men are thinking “that’s terrible, Who would do something like that”
The reality is this.
See your friend over there?
He threw his wife into a wall.
See that one just behind you?
His partner was hospitalised several times due to his violence.
He still calls her a whore via text.
That mate? The one you always have a good laugh with? The really woke one?
He shags super vulnerable women and manipulates people ruthlessly.
And that one. The social justice warrior? He stands too close to women, hugs them for too long.

What can you do about it?
Read 4 tweets

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