RC deWinter Profile picture
Sep 17, 2020 10 tweets 2 min read Read on X
A couple went to an upscale restaurant in Manhattan called The Lemon Tree.
As the waiter was taking their order the man noticed the waiter had a spoon in his shirt pocket. This seemed a little strange but initially he ignored it,
but when the busboy brought out water and utensils, he couldn’t help noticing that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. And then as he gazed around the restaurant he saw all the staff had spoons in their shirt pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve the soup the man asked, “Why is every member of staff carrying a spoon?”
“Well,” said the waiter, “the restaurant’s owner hired consultants from McKinsey to improve our processes.
"After several weeks of analysis, they concluded the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. They calculated that there was a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.”
“Are you serious?” said the man.
“Yes, sir,” said the waiter. “They concluded if our people are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.”
As luck would have it, at this point the man dropped his spoon and the waiter immediately replaced it with the spare from his pocket. "Now I'll get another spoon when I next go to the kitchen, rather than making a special trip right now," he said.
The man then noticed there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s fly.
Looking around, he saw all the other waiters had a string hanging from their flies, too. Now really puzzled, the manI said, “Why do you all have a string hanging from your flies?"
Lowering his voice, the waiter answered, “The McKinsey consultants concluded that this will help us save time when we have to visit the restroom during a shift. By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it
and eliminate the need to wash our hands. This shortens the time spent in the restroom by 39%."
Wow!” the customer said. “But how do you put it back in your trousers once you’ve finished?”
“Well,” the waiter whispered, “I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon.”

Goodnight! See you next time.

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More from @RCdeWinter

Aug 2, 2023
This is going to be a long tweet, and it’s not new news, but it’s new news to me, and I think it’s especially important for everyone, and especially those of you who support
the now indicted @realDonaldTrump to become acquainted with the class of people who worked for and… https://t.co/6uLkazc2fRtwitter.com/i/web/status/1…
Image
Read 17 tweets
Jul 20, 2023
@realDonaldTrump’s long history of racism, from the 1970s to 2020

If you ask Donald Trump he isn’t racist. To the contrary, he’s repeatedly said that he’s “the least racist person that you’ve ever encountered.”

Trump’s actual record, however, tells a very different story.
On… twitter.com/i/web/status/1…
•1991: A book by John O’Donnell, former president of Trump Plaza Hotel and Casino in Atlantic City, quoted Trump’s criticism of a Black accountant: “Black guys counting my money! I hate it. The only kind of people I want counting my money are short guys that wear yarmulkes every… twitter.com/i/web/status/1…
But when you put all these events together, a clear pattern emerges. At the very least, Trump has a history of playing into people’s racism to bolster himself — and that likely says something about him, too.
And, of course, there’s everything that’s happened through and since his… twitter.com/i/web/status/1…
Read 4 tweets
Mar 27, 2023
A priest went to see his Bishop and asks if he would hear his confession
“Of course,” the Bishop said and took out his rosary. “And what do you have to confess?”

“Well Your Grace I used profane language,” the priest said, shifting a bit in obvious embarrassment.
“I understand,” the Bishop said. “And under what circumstance did you use the profanity?”
“Well, Your Grace, I was playing golf and I stepped up to the tee on a par four and I hit what is probably the best drive of my life. Long and straight as an arrow,” the priest replied.
“Well surely there was no cause to blaspheme then?” the Bishop said with a frown.

“Well no,” the priest said, “but as it flew down the fairway it hit an overhead wire and dropped down only a hundred yards away.”

“Ah,” said the Bishop. “So that’s when you blasphemed.”
Read 6 tweets
Mar 27, 2023
A truck driver and his pet parrot were hauling a load of chickens. He stopped to pick up an attractive hitchhiker, swung the door open and asked, "You want a lift?" “Yes, thank you!" she said and started to climb in when the parrot exclaimed, “Wanna fuck?"
“No!” she answered and the parrot screeched, “No fuck no ride!" and fluttered like crazy, scaring the hitchhiker off.
The truck driver was appalled. He told the parrot he should be ashamed of himself and not to let it happen again. The parrot squawked his call of agreement and nodded his head.
Read 11 tweets
Mar 27, 2023
Pope Francis knocked on Heaven’s gate after his death. Saint Peter opened the door, looked at him and said, “Welcome to life after death. What is your name?" The Pope, slightly irritated, answered, “I am the pope." "Pope who?"Peter asked.
“Pope Francis! You should know who I am!" the pope snapped. Peter looked in his book and said, "Hmm, I can't find a Francis Pope in here. Are you sure you’re at the right place?" The pope replied, "This must be a misunderstanding. I am the pope, god's representative on earth!"
Peter said, “Oh. I'm not aware the boss sent somebody down to earth to represent him. Please wait a minute, I'm going to talk to him."
Read 6 tweets
Mar 27, 2023
Wife's Diary:

Tonight my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late but he made no comment on it.
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk.
He agreed but he didn't say much.
I asked him what was wrong. He said, "Nothing."
I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home, I told him I loved him.
He smiled slightly and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior.
I don't know why he didn't say, “I love you too.”
Read 6 tweets

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