A couple went to an upscale restaurant in Manhattan called The Lemon Tree.
As the waiter was taking their order the man noticed the waiter had a spoon in his shirt pocket. This seemed a little strange but initially he ignored it,
but when the busboy brought out water and utensils, he couldn’t help noticing that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. And then as he gazed around the restaurant he saw all the staff had spoons in their shirt pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve the soup the man asked, “Why is every member of staff carrying a spoon?”
“Well,” said the waiter, “the restaurant’s owner hired consultants from McKinsey to improve our processes.
"After several weeks of analysis, they concluded the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. They calculated that there was a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.”
“Are you serious?” said the man.
“Yes, sir,” said the waiter. “They concluded if our people are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.”
As luck would have it, at this point the man dropped his spoon and the waiter immediately replaced it with the spare from his pocket. "Now I'll get another spoon when I next go to the kitchen, rather than making a special trip right now," he said.
The man then noticed there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s fly.
Looking around, he saw all the other waiters had a string hanging from their flies, too. Now really puzzled, the manI said, “Why do you all have a string hanging from your flies?"
Lowering his voice, the waiter answered, “The McKinsey consultants concluded that this will help us save time when we have to visit the restroom during a shift. By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it
and eliminate the need to wash our hands. This shortens the time spent in the restroom by 39%."
Wow!” the customer said. “But how do you put it back in your trousers once you’ve finished?”
“Well,” the waiter whispered, “I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon.”

Goodnight! See you next time.

• • •

Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to force a refresh

Keep Current with RC deWinter

RC deWinter Profile picture

Stay in touch and get notified when new unrolls are available from this author!

Read all threads

This Thread may be Removed Anytime!


Twitter may remove this content at anytime! Save it as PDF for later use!

Try unrolling a thread yourself!

how to unroll video
  1. Follow @ThreadReaderApp to mention us!

  2. From a Twitter thread mention us with a keyword "unroll"
@threadreaderapp unroll

Practice here first or read more on our help page!

More from @RCdeWinter

23 Aug
A Marine colonel on his way home from the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought, “Wow, the traffic is worse than usual. Nothing's even moving."
He noticed a police officer walking back & forth between the lines of cars so he rolled down his window& said, "Officer, what's the hold up?"
The officer replied, "The President is just so depressed about the thought of losing to Joe Biden that he stopped his motorcade
Lin the middle of the Beltway and is threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says everyone hates him & he doesn't have the money to pay the price demanded to swing the election. So I’m walking around taking up a collection for him."
Read 4 tweets
4 Aug
3 men were walking along in the jungle when they were captured by a group of cannibals.
The king of the cannibals gave them a challenge. "If you complete this challenge, you will go free, if not we will eat you."
The three men, not wanting to die, agree to hear the challenge.
"You must go into the bush and pick 10 of any fruit you find, bring and bring the, back here" the king said.
The 3 men head out in search of their fruit.
The first man returned with 10 bananas.
The king then said, "You must shove those 10 bananas up your butt without making a sound."
The man reluctantly agreed to try.
He got the first one up without a sound, but screamed in agony on the second and was killed and eaten.
Read 6 tweets
20 Jul
An elderly couple, Betty and Hal, visited their doctor when they began forgetting little things.
Their doctor told them many people find it useful to write themselves little reminder notes.
When they got home, Betty said, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won't forget?"
"Nonsense," replied Hal. "I can remember a dish of ice cream."
"Well," said Betty, "I also want some strawberries and whipped cream on top."
"My memory's not all that bad," insisted Hal. "No problem - a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don't need to write it down."
Read 4 tweets
19 Jul
One day, a spaceship landed in a farmer’s field.
A Martian man and his wife got out and introduced themselves to the farmer and his wife.
As a token of friendship, the farmer immediately invited the Martian couple to dinner.
After dinner, the Martian man explained that on Mars it was customary to swap partners as a token of friendship.
The farmer, not wanting to offend his alien neighbors, agreed.
The Martian then man took the farmer’s wife into one bedroom while the farmer took the Martian woman into another.
They had been having sex for about an hour when the Martian man asked the farmer’s wife, “Well, how do you like having sex with a Martian? How does it feel?”
Read 6 tweets
2 Jul
An engineer died and found himself standing at the Pearly Gates in front of Saint Peter, who’s holding a clipboard.

Saint Peter took a few moments to review his list and said, “I’m sorry old boy but you’re not on the list. That means you’ll have to go down below."
The engineer snorts & stomps off in search of the Gates of Hell.
When he arrived he was less than impressed. It’s hot, it’s smelly and very miserable.

However being an engineer, he was very resourceful. So immediately he decided to take action to improve his situation.
He realized if he was to be comfortable he had to do something about the heat. So he decided to install air conditioning. Once he got that working, everything cooled down quite nicely and it was all a little bit more bearable.
Read 11 tweets
7 Jun
A woman in a hot-air balloon is lost, so she shouts to a man below, "Excuse me. I promised a friend I would meet him, but I don't know where I am."

"You're at 31 degrees, 14.57 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude," he replies.
"You must be a Democrat, said the woman.
"I am. How did you know?" asked the man.
"Because everything you told me is technically correct, but the information is useless, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've been no help," the woman sniped.
"You must be a Republican," the man retorted.
"Yes. How did you know?" she asked.
Read 4 tweets

Did Thread Reader help you today?

Support us! We are indie developers!

This site is made by just two indie developers on a laptop doing marketing, support and development! Read more about the story.

Become a Premium Member ($3/month or $30/year) and get exclusive features!

Become Premium

Too expensive? Make a small donation by buying us coffee ($5) or help with server cost ($10)

Donate via Paypal Become our Patreon

Thank you for your support!

Follow Us on Twitter!