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Laura Lexx - Autumn Tour On Sale!

Sep 17, 2020 • 4 tweets • 1 min read • Read on X

The sort of people that complain at TV comedy would have their brains fall out of their arseholes if they ever walked into a live comedy club and saw what was said there

"Free speech is dead!" say people who only watch people talk through several filters of production and broadcast.

"Free speech is dead!" say people complaining about people speaking freely in disagreement with themselves

"The trouble is it just isn't REMOTELY funny." say people watching from a silent room, in a bad mood, trying not enjoy it with other people who also prefer moaning to laughing. The remote is tantalisingly out of reach, as is the front door

"I have read a person's paid for opinion about a 30 second clip and now I feel I know enough to comment on the entire programme, and furthermore, the comedian's entire career." Says person with the time to complain but not research

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More from @lauralexx

Laura Lexx - Autumn Tour On Sale!

@lauralexx

Nov 13, 2022

I’m watching The Rock. Never seen it before. There are approximately 14 male leads and they’ve all been told the film is a different genre. It’s delightful

The budget seems to be the GDP of a medium sized country

I *think* what’s happened is three people had scripts and to save time they have put all the plots into this one film

Read 12 tweets

Laura Lexx - Autumn Tour On Sale!

@lauralexx

Mar 13, 2022

I stayed at someone’s house last week and they have a cat. And I never knew this but, when you go to sleep… cats just wander about the house catting all night? You can’t “put a cat to bed”?! The cat just… gets the house for a while?! Fucking nuts.

Like, you can’t even give a cat a room?! They scratch the door until they’re allowed to come and have the house again? Cats are WILD

At one point I woke up and the cat was just staring at my sleeping face and when I mentioned it my friend said “yeah, she does that to check if you’re still breathing” but no mention of which way the cat hoped it would go…

Read 5 tweets

Laura Lexx - Autumn Tour On Sale!

@lauralexx

Feb 3, 2022

I swear England is infested with villages that only pop into existence at night when you just want the train to go faster

I’ve never seen “Balcombe” in the day time but yet here I am at 11pm sat here waiting for precisely no one to get on or off

Around 10:45pm all across Britain green fields suddenly flash brightly before reappearing as Gurnly on the Fenton or Greater Fitzbrunchunting

All through the dark hours the ghostly village sits. Haunted bunting flapping listlessly in the breeze created by the 80 commuters sat stock still at the creaking station and sighing in unison as their lives slip away

Read 7 tweets

Laura Lexx - Autumn Tour On Sale!

@lauralexx

Feb 3, 2022

I have a podcast. Did you know I had a podcast? I feel like I try and promote it a fair bit but then I always seem to get people saying they didn’t know. Did you know?

For the yes people: good, I hope you’ve tried listening.

For the no people: it’s here, enjoy:

podfollow.com/1510301851

Read 6 tweets

Laura Lexx - Autumn Tour On Sale!

@lauralexx

Feb 3, 2022

I’m going Brighton —> Leeds and back today. The train is costing about £195. I reckon if I drove it would probably cost less than £70 in fuel. The cost of train travel is such a huge block in the practical ability to be environmentally friendly in this country

That’s a big moan before I even get started on the fact that before the first leg of my journey has even left the station they are warning me of a points failure up ahead. So… will I get to work? Yet another issue for people who CANNOT be late because of the financial penalty

We’re a small country, that has had train infrastructure for centuries, with expensive ticket prices. Why is it so difficult to have it function? Maybe I’m missing something but it doesn’t feel like we have any excuses?

Read 7 tweets