Thread by @ASlavitt

COVID Update September 20: So how are you doing?

I know I know I know. Really I do.

You’re either racing your boat at the bottom of some lake with a Trump flag or you think we’re in some serious shit.

They tell you you when you’re at bottom there’s nowhere to go but you. Only problem is you keep thinking you’re at bottom.

Remember when a couple of rock stars died a couple of years ago & everybody was like “can’t wait for 2015 to be over!” Good times.

Some countries compromised their democracies to fight COVID. We’ve compromised our democracy & have the most COVID.

Bad deal.

Apparently Lindsay Graham wants to explain why he’s not a hypocrite. If anybody is interested, I’m guessing Chuck Todd will have him on to ask a couple of hard balls. Ohhhh.

Thanks to the college campuses for keeping COVID alive to get us into flu season. Guess it was your turn to let money take over for reason.
You’re no better than the people selling truckloads of masks for $5 a piece.

I know the job market has been rough— ok non-existent, whatever— but the White House is looking for a new head of the CDC. Belief in evolution is not a must. A new scientific advisor— eugenicists welcome and a new head of the FDA— opinions not needed.

Marco Rubio take your pick.

This Supreme Court battle could get brutal. Remember Republicans Democrats said “please don’t.” So watch yourselves very carefully.

In case the ACA goes down with the new Supreme Court I’m going to get all my health care now since I won’t be able to get it in the future. Anything that looks like it could look funny in the next decade I’m asking the doctor to remove.

Apparently the top candidate for the Supreme Court believes life begins the moment you open up your Christian dating app.

And it ends when you’re not born white.

Apparently she’s also just declared Donald Trump the winner of the 2020 election because millions of votes are about to be cast fraudulently.

That one isn’t funny. MAIL FRAUD IS REAL.

When Don Junior is president I pray we don’t look back on these days like they weren’t that bad and saying “at least his dad didn’t shoot deer from the White House window.”

I kid. He will never be president.

It will be Ivanka obviously.

You know the trick I keep falling for? First they convince me Ted Cruz is the worse person imaginable. Then they get Tom Cotton. Fine. Now they have Josh Hawley.

Not this time. Fool me twice. Uh uh. Now I’m sure they’re cooking up someone special.

Brodie took a look at this thread and said “I want no part of it. You’re giving no valuable information.”

What Brodie doesn’t realize is neither he nor I can leave the country anyway. So we might as well laugh about it.

Shockingly he’s also missing the fact that tomorrow I have the best podcast guest ever. @edyong209 episode.

No kidding the best conversation about COVID I think that exists anywhere.

So sign up and listen to it: smarturl.it/inthebubble.

It’s so good in fact that I could confidently take the night off. I hope you’re getting to do the same.

Go release some stress. And enjoy Ed tomorrow. /end