[THREAD] Comparing ourselves to others. It is something we all do to an extent. It is a measuring stick to see how we fare in certain areas of our life compared to our peers. However, when it comes to those of us who have anxiety or depression, comparing can take a dark turn.
In an age where social media dominates our life, comparing ourselves to others happens mostly in those platforms. However, social media is an artificial environment. We control it. We can post things that make us look good or successful while keeping out things we don't like.
Given that fact, it is easy to imagine how others can look at our social media environment and think that our lives are as close to perfect as possible. However, very few people (if any) are completely honest when it comes to their social media.
However, for those whose self-esteem is suffering, it can be hard to navigate this environment. It becomes isolating. When so many are posting about their new jobs and beautiful pictures, it can be easy for many to feel inadequate and they may feel even worse.
There is also the cultural aspect. We are a very collectivistic culture. Each member of the group lives through other members of that group. We feed off the success of our groups and push members of our group to succeed. How do we do it? Through comparison.
We always look at other families and say: "Why can't you be like this or this person?" "You should be first in the class". "you should lose weight to be as pretty as this person". Those comparisons start as children and are never ending. It becomes hard to separate from it.
It is hard to be perfect in every aspect of life. Therefore, there is always some area where our group will criticize us. The problem is that anxiety and depression compound these issues and make them harder to cope with. We internalize it and tend to continue those comparisons!
It is important to take a step back and ask ourselves who we are and what we want to do regardless of what the group (aka family) wants. Is engineering what we want or are we doing it to make our family proud? It is crucial to analyze these situations critically.
Given that the standard set by our families are almost impossible to achieve, there won't be a time when they will be completely satisfied. If you find yourself comparing to others or feeling inadequate, it is important to go to therapy to solve the underlying causes.
It may take some time to unlearn those comparisons and to follow a path that we are satisfied with even if it is unusual compared to the standards of our culture. While I may sound like a broken record, self-care is important in this situation as well.
The more we take care of ourselves, the more we will value ourselves and increase our self-esteem. This will help alleviate some of that distress as well. Finding a supportive social circle that values us and encourages us is very important and will play a critical role as well.
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