Men Have No Friends and Women Bear the Burden. The idea that feelings are a "female thing" has left a generation of straight men stranded on emotionally-stunted island, unable to forge intimate relationships with other men. Women pay the price. harpersbazaar.com/culture/featur…
The key takeaways from this piece: 1/3: 1) Men are socialised to avoid emotional expression. 2) Men thus tend to have weaker, less intimate friendships than women. 3) As a result, heterosexual men often try to get all their emotional needs met by their female intimate partners.
2/3 4) This is bad for men. Limits their sources of support, makes them more vulnerable e.g. if separation. 5) And it’s bad for women: is a burden, have to do all the emotional labour.
3/3 6) It’d be good if men could be encouraged to develop intimate friendships with other men. And to seek help: support groups, therapy, and men’s groups. 7) Men’s groups in particular are valuable spaces for men, and can improve their relationships.
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Fostering Healthy Masculinities among Men and Boys
First, let’s define ‘masculinity’: The socially learnt roles, behaviours, and attributes that are seen as appropriate for boys and men in a given society.
There are diverse versions of masculinity in different contexts.
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But in many contexts, masculinity is defined in terms of dominance over women, sexual entitlement, homophobia, aggression, rigid stoicism, etc.
There are various terms for this form of masculinity: Hegemonic. Sexist. Traditional. Toxic. Patriarchal. I’ll go with the last of these
There are three compelling rationales for critical attention to masculinities 1) Patriarchal forms of masculinity are implicated in a series of social problems: public violence, sexual and reproductive health, suicide, alcohol & drug use, mental health, occupational injuries, etc
French mass rape trial: I have been glad to see men speaking up on social media and elsewhere about their anger and despair at the actions of the 50+ men who raped Gisèle Pelicot and the other men who colluded in this or stayed silent about it.
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Some commentators, however, have described these men as monsters, perverts, etc. While that’s true in one sense, in another, these men are *normal* men. *Ordinary* men. Men whom others know, like, and love.
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The behaviours in which these men are involved, and the attitudes that inform their behaviour, are *common*.
-- Many men feel entitled to initiate sexual activity with their female partners when they are sleeping, or too drunk or intoxicated to give consent.
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Domestic and family violence’s impact: Of people who had hospital stays because of DFV, 68% were female and 32% male. Females were more likely to have multiple hospital stays. Most females were hospitalised by partners, but most males hospitalised by *other family members*.
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Of females in hospital because of DV, for 75% this was due to an intimate partner. But for males, only 29% was due to an intimate partner, and 71% due to another family member or parent. See the AIHW report, p. 39. @aihw
2/4aihw.gov.au/reports/domest…
Among people put into hospital by their partner’s domestic violence, 85% are women. Of all people hospitalised due to domestic violence by an intimate partner (14,958 females and 2,744 males), women were 85% of victims (about 5 in 6) and men were 15% of victims (about 1 in 6)
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Sexism (attitudes and behaviours that support men’s dominance over women):
Four reasons why it is particularly important to address sexism among *men*, not women
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Yes, both women and men may hold sexist attitudes and act in ways that prop up patriarchal gender inequalities.
At the same time, there are good reasons to target men in particular.
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Men are *more likely* than women to hold sexist attitudes - there is a consistent gender gap in attitudes towards gender, with men’s attitudes less progressive than women’s.
See this free book chapter:
3/5xyonline.net/content/men-an…
The problem of focusing on what women can do to avoid becoming rape victims
Responses to my tweets on men’s sexual violence against women, particularly by men, often focus on what women can do to avoid or escape this violence. There are 5 problems with this:
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1) Women are told throughout their lives what to do to try to avoid rape. 2) If this is *all* we do, this is victim-blaming. 3) Women already use a whole range of strategies to try to lessen their risk. 4) This focus does nothing to hold perpetrators to account.
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5) Perhaps most importantly of all, focusing on what potential victims of sexual violence can do to lessen their risk does nothing to *prevent violence perpetration in the first place*.
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Men and violence against women: Some men think that if they themselves are not perpetrating domestic or sexual violence against women, the problem has nothing to do with them. But it does. A consistent predictor of men’s use of domestic and sexual violence is...
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A consistent predictor of men’s use of domestic and sexual violence is their *perception of peer support*: the extent to which they think that the men around them condone, support, and themselves use violence against women.
Male peer support is a key risk factor for perpetration.