Thread by @ZubyMusic

Things we've learned about the sentient Covid-19 virus based on policies:

- it can count
- it's time-conscious
- it supports BLM
- it can distinguish between weddings, parties & funerals
- it can distinguish between social & work settings
- it can travel through the internet

- you can spread it even if you don't have it
- if you wear a mask (of any kind), it will pass over you
- it can only jump 1 metre. But sometimes 2 metres.
- it can infect you as you enter a restaurant, but not once seated

What else did I miss?

- it is racist (despite supporting BLM)
- it can navigate one way systems
- it can distinguish between 'commoner' & celebrity funerals
- it doesn't spread in gyms attended by politicians
- it gets VERY upset when referred to as 'Chinese virus', 'Kung Flu', or 'Woo Ping Cough'

- it can distinguish between a bar that serves food & one that doesn't
- it's more infectious in certain supermarket aisles
- it can travel across large stretches of empty beach, despite 2m limit
- it hates small businesses
- it spreads quicker at Trump rallies than at protests

- it's nocturnal
- it doesn't get to the bar until after 10pm
- it can read a calendar
- it knows your height
- it discerns between high school sports & club sports
- it respects invisible borders between England, Scotland & Wales
- it's anti-religion and targets churches

- it doesn't affect supermarket workers
- it has manners and won't infect you if sitting, eating, or drinking
- it is deathly terrified of masks
- it knows what day of the week it is
- it understands language and targets English speakers
- it hates grandmas in particular