Omar Bazza Profile picture
Sep 25, 2020 12 tweets 3 min read Read on X
[THREAD] let’s talk about thoughts. I mentioned them a lot in threads but I think they are important enough to deserve their own thread. They are central to our mental health and are one of the main reasons why we feel bad. Why do thoughts play such a central role?
First of all, we get many thoughts a day. The average is 80,000. Even in healthy people, around 60% of them are negative. In terms of evolution, the more paranoid and negative we were, the more we were on guard for dangers and likely to survive, which then passed on.
Given that we get 80k a thought a day, what makes some of them stick and the other ones we forget as quickly as they come? The answer is the amygdala (emotional centre of the brain). The more an emotion is attached to a thought, the more it is flagged as important and return!
For example, intrusive thoughts are scary thoughts either sexual or violent in nature that repeat themselves over and over again. Every single human on the planet has them. But for those of us who are anxious or stressed out, we are more likely to respond to them by panicking.
When we panic about them, the brain says that they are important and means that they will come back rather than be forgotten. In the past, that process helped us survive. Now it hinders us. That holds true for any other thought. Even when it comes to depression,
we have certain thoughts that tell us “we are worthless or a failure or unloveable”. Because they make us feel sad (emotion attached to them), they are likely to come back and make us feel even sadder. Thoughts can also influence our behaviours.
Intrusive thoughts and ones that give us anxiety may make us feel so panicked that we no longer leave the house. The ones that make us feel depressed will affect our self-esteem, and self-efficacy because we try to look for evidence that these thoughts are true.
How do we break from them? First of all, it is important to adopt a non judgmental approach to our thoughts. The main reason why they remain is because we attach an emotion to them. But if we just look at them and let them have their space in our minds without judging them,
those emotions start to go down and the thoughts are more likely to leave. Another mechanism is the one I mentioned in a previous thread. Are these thoughts facts or interpretations? Facts mean that they are confirmed by logic whereas interpretations are ones that are not.
Finally, let’s look at evidence for and evidence against. What evidence is there to suggest that these thoughts are true or not? Is there any history to confirm that? Most likely no or very little evidence. Then we write a new thought based on the evidence.
The world is nuanced and grey, so those thoughts that say “no one loves me” etc are very likely to be wrong simply because even if one person loves us, it invalidates the whole thought. This is the approach we take in cognitive behavioural theory.
We slowly shift the way we think to a more nuanced realistic way and slowly move away from those patterns of thinking that keep our depression and anxiety around. I hope that this made some sense and wasn’t too confusing 😊

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More from @bazzapower

Jan 25
[THREAD] let’s talk about people pleasing behaviours. This tendency for us to want to sacrifice our well-being for the benefit of others is deeply ingrained in us from a very young age, in a deliberate way. As adults, it can make it difficult to establish boundaries.
When we talk about people pleasing, it is to the point that saying the word “no” is so hard for us that we would rather suffer than displease someone even if we do not know them well. These behaviours are very much a control mechanism.
Even when we are young children, people around us tell us that our comfort zone doesn’t matter. Whether it is pressure to go “hugging” someone even though we don’t feel comfortable to our parents telling us that conforming is more important than feeling safe.
Read 11 tweets
Aug 2, 2022
[THREAD] let’s talk about perfectionism. It can be destructive and add even more to our existing depression and anxiety. It also impacts our self-esteem because perfection is a standard that cannot be achieved and therefore, we may feel in a constant state of failure.
Perfectionism is defined as the need to be perfect and feel that there is a perfection status that we can achieve. It can become a goal for everything we do from work, to our social life and relationships. We may try to control or tweak things constantly to achieve it.
Just as with most issues related to mental health, it has its roots in our childhood. We live in a culture that is highly comparative. We grew up listening to us being compared to others when it came to school, and how to be a “good” kid. These “others” were the perfection.
Read 18 tweets
Jul 29, 2022
[THREAD] Let’s talk about an important topic that is not discussed often: self soothing. It is how we regulate our emotions/provide ourselves with the support necessary when we are not well. This mechanism is often broken because of our caregivers but can be learned as adults.
Parts of self soothing behaviours can be more on the innate side. For example, infants using pacifiers, seeking caregivers, etc. as a way to regulate their emotions when they are under distress or when they need something. Communicating distress and soothing it starts from day 1.
However, shortly after infancy, that process is derailed, specifically in our cultures, where showing your emotions may not be encouraged. For example, there are many of us as kids who may have been punished more if we cried. We could not get angry with parents.
Read 19 tweets
Jul 19, 2022
[THREAD] I often get asked why it is important to process our emotions and our past because it can be such a painful process to dig up, live those memories again and feel that pain and grief. On the surface, it may seem counterproductive to dig up something asleep in our minds.
While it is true that processing emotions can be a painful process and one that is likely to create strong emotions that can be unpleasant, it is also the reason why it is important to dig them up and process them.
For emotions/traumas/losses that we have properly processed, we wouldn’t feel a sharp pain/these strong emotions all over again. We may feel a small amount of it but not the intense powerful ones. The reason why is simply because the processing didn’t happen in the past.
Read 18 tweets
Jul 6, 2022
[THREAD] Let’s talk about love bombing. I talked about it often in other threads related to relationships/manipulation but it deserves its own thread because it happens more often than we think. It may not always be done with nefarious intent but it leads to harm down the road.
In this situation, we will define love bombing as unsustainable levels of affection, validation and resources that is given very early on in the course of a friendship or relationship but cannot be sustained long term because it is too intense.
There are two reasons why that may happen. The first one is something we discussed in previous threads where it is done to make the other person develop feelings quickly and become dependent on us. At that point, the love bombing can stop and manipulation/abuse start.
Read 20 tweets
Jun 16, 2022
TW: manipulation/partner abuse
[THREAD] While going over my notes for cases in the last year, I noticed a disturbing trend. There are many cases where, intentionally, the guy (mostly) pretends to be open minded/ally as a way to create love then become abusive.
It usually starts with love bombing, aligning their goals with the person they are pursuing, making sure to mention that they are different from other guys. They are not looking for traditional values that many women don’t want anymore. The first few months are usually perfect.
They are romantic, attentive, validating, and offer something closely resembling unconditional love. They escalate the relationship to “serious” status as soon as they can. Once the other person is in love with this “perfect” relationship, changes are usually drastic.
Read 13 tweets

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