Dreamweasel Profile picture
Sep 25, 2020 4 tweets 1 min read Read on X
COUNTERPREDICTION: Both parties will declare victory and there will be no net change in support for either side.

This conclusion is supported by literally every Presidential debate of the last two decades.
Neither Trump nor Biden is anything close to an unknown quantity at this point. Everyone knows what they’re going to get. And everyone knows whose vision they prefer.

There’s really nothing to be gained from watching them go head-to-head & call each other liars in real time.
D: I was planning to vote for Biden, but the man who has lied 20,000 times just called him a liar so now I don’t know

R: I was planning to vote for Trump, whom the Democrats & the MSM have accused of lying 20,000 times, but Biden just called him a liar again so now I don’t know
U: Hi! I’m an undecided voter

D: Seriously? WTF, man

U: Isn’t ironic that those of us who pay the least attention to politics in our everyday lives are ultimately treated as though our opinions are most crucial to the fate of the Republic

R: Biden’s gonna take away your guns

• • •

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More from @Dreamweasel

Apr 25
When Trump dies, it’s gonna be like Henry Kissinger, or maybe Rush Limbaugh. The headlines will read WORLD’S BIGGEST ASSHOLE DIES. Sober-minded journalists will struggle to think of anything positive to say about the man while the masses rejoice and celebrate.
JURY SELECTION AT THE TRIAL OF THE WORLD’S BIGGEST ASSHOLE

LAWYER: Do you have any preconceptions about the World’s Biggest Asshole?

🔵: How could I not have any preconceptions about the World’s Biggest Asshole

LAWYER: Thank you for your time
LAWYER: Do you have any preconceptions about the World’s Biggest Asshole?

🔴: How could I POSSIBLY have any preconceptions about the World’s Biggest Asshole?

LAWYER: You seem promising, although the flamboyant fluttering of your eyelashes was probably unnecessary
Read 9 tweets
Apr 22
TEN REASONS DONALD TRUMP KEEPS NODDING OFF IN COURT

10. Another day, another felony trial

9. It’s difficult to follow discussion of complicated concepts like “fraudulent bookkeeping”, “seditious conspiracy”, and “election interference”
8. Not nearly as enjoyable or personally validating as watching FOX & FRIENDS

7. Having trouble remaining alert without his customary 14 Diet Cokes in the morning
6. Was up all night posting important trial updates and/or incendiary threats on Truth Social

5. Has been rumored to indulge in the occasional fast-food cheeseburger
Read 6 tweets
Apr 16
TEN REASONS DONALD TRUMP WOULD WANT TO ATTEND HIS SON BARRON’S HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION EVEN IF IT WEREN’T A CONVENIENT EXCUSE TO DELAY HIS TRIAL

10. Deeply regrets having missed all four of his other children’s graduations for no particular reason
9. Wanted a status update on that baby Melania was taking care of while he was having sex with Stormy Daniels

8. Well-heeled parents who can afford prep school might be able to lend him money
7. Might be worth watching on the off-chance that this is the one who becomes a productive member of society

6. Coming up a bit dry in the “Caring Father” photo-ops for the 2024 election season
Read 6 tweets
Apr 12
GOP: Time to pick a SCOTUS judge who will rule against abortion

HERITAGE FOUNDATION: Please select any of our fine candidates

GOP: We’ll take that one

HF: OK

(Senate Hearing)

DEMS: Can you tell us how you feel about abortion

GOP: HOW DARE YOU IMPOSE IDEOLOGICAL LITMUS TESTS
D: The GOP is trying to make abortion illegal

R: SILLY DEMOCRATS! 😂 The Supreme Court only overturned Roe v. Wade to allow the states the freedom to decide for themselves

D: But you are describing the “freedom” to prevent other people from having them

R: That’s the best kind!
D: If ending Roe v. Wade was so reasonable, why didn’t Barrett, Gorsuch or Kavanaugh admit it at their confirmation hearings

R: It is unreasonable to expect judges to honestly answer questions from activist Senators who were clearly trying to stop abortion from becoming illegal
Read 8 tweets
Apr 9
A MESSAGE FROM THE RNC

RNC: In keeping with Republican campaigns of yore, we have worked tirelessly to court our conservative base! Now that the nomination is all wrapped up, it is time for our customary Pivot to the Center to demonstrate that we are a Party for all Americans…
TRUMP: The China Virus was a nothingburger that the Democrats amplified to make me look bad and masks were tyranny and Fauci is an idiot

RNC: Trump was instrumental in Operation Warp Speed, a government initiative to develop vaccines faster
TRUMP: I’m proud that I appointed the Supreme Court Justices who overturned Roe v. Wade

RNC: But really we pinky-swear that we’re not going to send women to jail for abortion or anything
Read 8 tweets
Mar 31
R: I have just been alerted to a thing involving a trans person, and am now indescribably furious about it

D: Why?

R: Trans people make me indescribably furious because they groom children into believing what they do is normal

D: How do they do that

R: They exist in public
R: National Trans Day of Visibility makes me indescribably furious because the woke mob made sure it would be on the same day as Easter

D: But National Trans Day of Visibility is always on March 31st & Easter lands on a different day every year

R: Doesn’t matter; trans people
R: How could Joe Biden be so divisive as to prioritize this made-up holiday over Easter?

D: I’m pretty sure Easter is also technically a made-up holiday

R: Blasphemer

D: Or did you think there were any kind of Biblical origins to the giant bunnies and the chocolate eggs
Read 4 tweets

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