occasionally i try to play a diablolike - i apparently bought grim dawn ages ago? i have no memory of this. but like. do you like this game? i have a question: when you look at this, do you... see something? not just a blur?
i don't understand how a human brain can contain this many numbers simultaneously unless you're a math savant. this is what every single diablo game (including current-patch diablo ii) looks like now and I just don't get it.
i don't understand what's fun about having 9 things side by side that have literally 20+ attributes i need to compare, all of which differ by a percent or two, and no shorthand whatsoever for deciding which i should use
if i don't upgrade, i'll get slaughtered, but upgrading requires a degree in high math. am i missing something? do i have dyscalculia? i've been baffled for like 15 years as to how this can be fun
no, scratch that - i don't understand how this can be *coped with.* this is the sort of thing that would happen at work that would give me imposter syndrome. if there's 9 percentages that are higher by 1% and 4 that are lower by 5%, is that better or worse? i have no idea!
i just... i'm just honestly really confused. i don't understand how this is meant to be played. is it for people whose brains can assimilate information much faster than mine, or is there some trick i'm supposed to know?
do you just compare the base damage and ignore the rest? is this all a snow job? does *nobody* actually read the rest?
i try not to be judgmental but i can't help it here - i don't understand how the goal of "entertainment" is compatible with "ah, this has a 1% chance to cause fire damage." i don't understand that. how is that "fun"? how does that connect to "fun"?
i'm still carrying a torch for vanilla diablo ii, which didn't give you a single yellow item until like an hour and a half in. at the current patch level i'm pretty sure you get greens in the first dungeon. it just makes me want to cry
i have been telling the story for over a decade of how i got a spear imbued by charsi and loved it so much that i took it all the way to diablo. i'm pretty sure the current version of the game would destroy me for doing that
it just had everything i ever wanted. nice punchy percentages. 25% of this and 15% of that and a good base damage and i liked the way it looked so i just kept it. i was 12 and i understood how to enjoy things.
i can't help but think that the gross inflation that's happened in ARPGs is a result of a lot of people getting lost and forgetting that they came here in the first place to enjoy themselves
sometimes i wonder if the games are getting harder and harder to understand because the devs know that one day after release there will be a statistically improbable number of Build Guides that explain how to do everything
like, are the percentages just an API? an interface for the wikia spreadsheeters who are going to produce the *actual* documentation, the *actual* player interface?
everyone says "i just use a build guide" and i can't even understand build guides. i've tried, i look them up but they're written in some kind of argot that i don't understand
the last like 9 games i've tried playing, i looked up a build guide but they were all written in shorthand. they gave, like, goals? and i was supposed to figure out on my own how to get there?
it's like "in this build we'll end up with these items at level 80" and i'm like "but what does that do for me at level 2" and they don't explain. i'm supposed to already know the language
i am saying that modern PC RPGs are completely impenetrable to anyone who doesn't speak the spreadsheet language and it's very very frustrating
but then i also feel like i'm the only living person left who wants a game to... end. I'm playing games so I can reach the end. Then I play another game. But nothing wants to end anymore.
I don't want all these decisions. I just want to proceed through from the beginning to the end of the game, and there's a little flavor added by getting to choose paths - some light decisions made about skills, weapon types, etc. and the satisfaction of major upgrades.
But every game is designed around the idea that i'm going to play it forever, for years and years and years, and if you want that then things must be great but if you don't want that then the game is instantly diluted
everything's a homeopathic game now, a single drop of game dispersed into an olympic swimming pool, and if you can while away 12 hours with no meaningful change in what you're doing, that's great, but to me it feels like staring fully conscious into eternity

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More from @gravislizard

25 Nov 20
here's an opinion i've had about retrocomputing / nerd culture for a long long time
the overwhelming majority of "cool" computers that everyone "wishes they had" were created to perform dreadfully boring tasks, by people who wished they were anywhere else, in the service of people who did a ton of coke and left our economy a smoking husk that can't support life
you do not want a cray-1. all they are is calc.exe but very fast and you can't even touch the buttons, you have to write a program that touches them. the purpose of a 'supercomputer' is to sit humming for 24 days and then produce a single integer, or 25 million integers
Read 23 tweets
24 Nov 20
unboxing a protogen. lifting them out of the styrofoam blocks. peeling the plastic film off their faceplate
throwing away the 6" USB cord that came in the box and digging a nice 10' anker with a velcro strap out of a drawer, plugging it into their ear. CHARGE COMPLETE IN: 116 HOURS. you dejectedly sit on the edge of the bed and look at your phone
series of snapchat screenshots
"unboxing my protogen"
"man they used those packing peanuts ugh haha"
"nice long cord"
"here's his d*ck"
Read 4 tweets
20 Oct 20
imagine if microsoft offered professional services to anyone who could pay. i would pay $300, one time, to have someone at MS who actually knows something log into my PC and figure out why explorer can't render thumbnails
no sfc /scannow bullshit, i mean they raymond chen that shit, they get in and coredump explorer and go "okay you have a png library that paint.net installed, that's the problem"
honestly, i'd pay any company for that if they were trustworthy, but "repair windows pc" is basically a stopword. there are hundreds of millions of people who think they have complicated and interesting problems, but don't, and millions of amoral vultures preying on them
Read 21 tweets
18 Oct 20
i'm watching the first episode of house m.d. out of curiosity but almost the entire episode is in monochrome other than flesh tones and i swear to god the house m.d. i watched on hulu in 2007 didn't look like this. i love the revisionist history of rereleases
this is absolutely not how it looked when i watched it 15 years ago. what the fuck is this war crime color grading it looks like i died in a 1950s hospital and my ghost still haunts that place @Emoji_Nakamoto ImageImageImageImage
the last movies i watched were 300 and sin city and they had more life and saturation in them than this. this is *not* what i watched in 2008.
Read 18 tweets
26 Sep 20
power outage selfie
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Read 4 tweets
26 Sep 20
we're in such a weird place as far as PC "retrogaming" goes. anything made before 1998 or so can be pretty easily played, occasionally straight up but usually with a variety of emulation options, but from like 99 to 2007? a tremendous number of games just won't run right
unlike the older games, which won't run at all on modern windows, the middle-era games often run but have weird problems
the most irritating ones for me are scaling and display modes. neverwinter nights 2 will run on windows 10 just fine (the gog edition anyway) but it's so hard to play it the way I play modern games.
Read 26 tweets

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