If you’re one of those Forgotten Americans who is sick & tired of hearing that Donald Trump is a ginormous asshole, which option is likelier to result in your hearing LESS about this particular issue over the next four years?
(a) Re-electing Trump
(b) Electing someone different
Despite the extraordinary amount of time I have spent calling Donald Trump a ginormous asshole, I TOO am sick of hearing about how Donald Trump is a ginormous asshole! I would love to go 24 hours without considering that such a ginormous asshole is in charge of the United States.
Has the time finally come when progressive-minded cosmopolitan Americans like ourselves can finally find common ground with our salt-of-the-Earth brothers & sisters in the heartland and agree that we are all sick and tired of hearing that Donald Trump Is a Ginormous Asshole?
The path forward could not be clearer:
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TEN QUESTIONS ELON MUSK WOULD ASK KAMALA HARRIS IF SHE AGREED TO LET HIM INTERVIEW HER
10. I understand that immigration is a touchy subject, but is there a way to thread the Constitutional needle so we only let in wealthy white people with triple-digit IQs
9. Why do you have a problem giving states the freedom to decide whether the women who live there are allowed to have abortions or not
8. Why is your sense of humor so awkward and weird
7. As you know, Hillary Clinton lost to Donald Trump eight years ago. How would you avoid her fatal political mistakes, namely being an overeducated woman with a nasty-sounding cackle that men find emasculating
I don’t want to say anything too controversial here, but if you support Donald Trump there is something deeply wrong with you.
You don’t care about issues or personal responsibility, and are no longer capable of discerning right from wrong.
It’s 2024. People have access to information. The only rational response to “I support Donald Trump” is “What the hell is wrong with you?”
I know we’re not allowed to say that. I know we have to pretend that having terrible political opinions doesn’t necessarily mean Republicans are terrible people.
But they’re the reason this 275-pound albatross still hangs around our country’s neck.
TEN WAYS THE GOP WILL ATTEMPT TO DEFUSE ALLEGATIONS THAT THEY ARE “WEIRD”
10. Anchors on Fox News will participate in contest to determine “Who Can Go the Longest Without Absolutely Freaking Out About Migrants or Transgenders”
9. Elon Musk, realizing that money is not the key to happiness and that true enlightenment comes from within, will become a Buddhist monk and take a vow of silence
8. Stylist will sit down with JD Vance and suggest he go with the beard OR the eyeliner, but not both
7. Donald Trump will lean into his current status as a relatable “everyman” by virtue of being a 34-time convicted felon who lives at a luxurious Palm Beach resort and plays golf every day and will never see the inside of a prison cell