Slava Malamud ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ฑ Profile picture
Sep 29, 2020 โ€ข 5 tweets โ€ข 2 min read โ€ข Read on X
For the 5th time in a row, and for the 10th time out of the last 13, the Stanley Cup is awarded to a team in white.
Follow Slava for fancy advanced analytics like this.
100% of Russian goaltenders who have won the Stanley Cup as starters were playing for the Tampa Bay Lightning.
This translates to the Vratarski Coefficient of 1.000.
#SlavasAdvancedAnalytics
Andrei Vasilevskiy has now set the all-time record for Russian Stanley Cup-winning goalies, with 11 letters in his last name. The previous record, 10 letters, belonged to Nikolai Khabibulin.
#SlavasAdvancedAnalytics
100% of Nikitas who have won the Stanley Cup have played for the Tampa Bay Lightning. Kucherov becomes the inaugural member of the Nikita Stanleyovich Club. A fellow Lightning player Alexeev missed it by one season in the early 2000s.
#SlavasAdvancedAnalytics
50% of the Cups won by a team with a singular nickname since 1915 belong to the Tampa Bay Lightning. The other 50%, to the Colorado Avalanche. The Minnesota Wild and, soon, the Seattle Kraken are cordially invited to feel a singular kind of shame.
#SlavasAdvancedAnalytics

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More from @SlavaMalamud

Jul 24
I dislike Netanyahu intensely. I passionately hate the pyromaniac zealots in his cabinet. These folks pervert the original purpose of Israel and make it a nation that will eventually be inhospitable to Jews like me.
I want a two-state solution.
I just wonder who else does.
The two-state solution is the framework within which all potential peacemakers in the Middle East, from Anwar Sadat to Donald Trump have tried to find a way to solve the conflict.
But is this framework still alive? Is it still relevant? I wonder.
The support for it in Israel has dwindled, that's for sure. But the bigger problem is that it never had any significant support among Palestinians to begin with.
Israel dismantled settlements in Gaza and removed all troops from the sector in 2005.
What did Gazans do in response?
Read 7 tweets
Oct 8, 2023
I am an atheist Jew. I believe my people deserve a state of their own, not because some infanticidal porkophobic fairy tale villain has promised it to us, but because we have fucking earned it with 2000 years of unimaginable suffering and persecution.
We. Deserve. It.
Don't agree? Suck on our nuclear warhead.
Ethno-states are bad, but our circumstance is special. Don't agree? Think it's hypocritical? Shouldn't have persecuted us for 2000 years, bitch. Suck on the abovementioned warhead and shut up.
So, with these non-negotiables out of the way
Here is my idea outcome:
1) Hamas - dead. To the last pigfuck. Dead and buried and then dug up and killed again and fucking dead.
2) Two states. Palestine gets its own borders and a functioning government, and the whole world helps them with it so it's sustainable and livable.
Read 5 tweets
Jul 14, 2023
On the subject of "good Russians", hopefully once and for all...
And, trust me, I am not speaking as a dispassionate outsider. I am married to a Russian citizen, after all.
So, here is my take on what should be the minimally acceptable position taken by anyone with a ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡บ passport
This, of course, isn't for anyone who is actively pro-war and pro-Putin or has taken the cop-out position of "I just want the war to end", "all sides are to blame", "can't we just negotiate" or "this is politics."
These Russians are abhorrent and culpable of abetting war crimes.
However, if you are anti-war and anti-Putin, here is what you should NOT say:
* "This is Putin's war, stop blaming all Russians",
* "Collective responsibility is Nazism",
* "Why are Ukrainians so angry and impolite?"
* "Ukrainian propaganda is no better than Putin's",
Read 10 tweets
Jul 12, 2023
A Russian man waiting in line in a health center lost consciousness. Nobody gives a shit. Not a single person.
This is an absolutely normal reaction in Russia, and was so in the Soviet Union when I was growing up. Human life is garbage. One less, one more, who cares.
If you are visiting Russia, the best advice I can give you: never, ever have a heart attack outside. People will just assume you are a drunk and give you a wide berth. You may get picked up by a cop, but more likely, you'll just be left where you are.
Nobody will bat and eye.
In 1991, while waiting for a bus in Izmaylovo, Moscow, I saw a severely drunk man stumbling around on the pedestrian isle in the middle of a busy road. He seemed certain to fall right under the wheels of a passing vehicle. I came over to help him across the street...
Read 6 tweets
Jul 10, 2023
In today's issue of Great Russian Culture Discovered, Russia's most popular song of all time.
It's "Rise Up, Holy Russia" by z-singer Yan Osin. In the ๐Ÿงต below is my word-for-word translation. I challenge the people I've tagged to find a single flaw in it.
https://t.co/hLlozJ7ZGi
Image
If they do (also attn: @AlexKombarov), I promise to resign my position in NAFO Propaganda Department, of which I am the president and the entire staff.
This schlager (a German word Russians use for their most popular patriotic hymns) has probably topped every single Russian chart Image
"The war has come, the war is on
Rise up, my holy Rus, come on
It is our fate, from our God
To show Ukies Stalingrad!

We've done this many times before
We come, like Uncle Chernomor
Donbas is ours, so is Warsaw
We'll fight to England's very shore Image
Read 10 tweets
Jul 1, 2023
So, anyway, I am a public school teacher in Baltimore, and I would like to have a short conversation about merit and meritocracy.
While the case I will present here is not a of any single student in particular, it is not a hypothetical. This is literally what I see every day...
So, you are a black high school student in a city whose reputation from "The Wire" is thoroughly earned. Let's also make you a female, just for kicks. And, since we are talking specifically about college admissions, we will make you a black female with goals and aspirations...
This being Baltimore, you are more likely than not to be from a low-income family. And since we are speaking of likelihoods, by "family" I mean a single mother, who is, let's say, not doing well, and at least one sibling.
So, in order to maintain your aspirations, you have to...
Read 11 tweets

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