Thread by @garius

New @CrusaderKings patch means... NEW PATCH NOTES.

Twitter, let me take you on a brief journey through the beautiful, twisted world of gaming's premier medieval incest and murder simulator.

Let's start here.

"Honey, have you been seducing the Pope again?!" #thread

Positively or negatively? Only one way to find out...

...unless you're the Pope.

Can we patch this out of Twitter too?

We've all been there.

When you drunkenly agree to babysit.

"Bless me father, for I have sinned."

"What is it, my son?"

"I have less wives than God would like."

I mean, it's the least they can do.

CAN EVERYONE STOP TRYING TO SEDUCE MARRIED CHARACTERS PLEASE.

ALSO, CAN EVERYONE STOP KILLING PUPPIES PLEASE.

This is basically me, IRL.

"If you two don't stop fighting back there, then I'm turning this car around and committing one of you to the Church."

Anyone with a toddler will tell you this 100% isn't true.

Farage will be happy.

"And this is little johnny."

"Congratulations! He looks... um..."

"Lustful and sadistic? Yeah. We're not sure why."

Oh great. MORE jobs lost to computers.

Good news for Trump supporters! Bad news for the rest of America.

Obi-Wan will be disappointed.

I HATE it when you visit a National Trust house, and this is happening. So awks.

DON'T TELL ME HOW TO LIVE.

This the problem with kids today. Their parents don't let them do anything for themselves.

Indeed, what they need is the good, old fashioned slipper!

"Darren, I feel like you should have brought this up earlier in our relationship."

If only reality were like this.

I'LL TELL YOU WHEN I'VE HAD ENOUGH, THANKS.

There is a LOT to unpick in this situation.

Seems fair.

Women have been waiting for men to patch this, in real life, for centuries.

Honestly wish this had been true of me as a teenager.

It can get messy, true.

Is nobody at @PdxInteractive married?! This is TOTALLY possible.

Similarly, has no one at Paradox been a teenager?! 😁

And finally, humanity's greatest achievement: create AI and watch it get addicted to Jerry Springer.

Anyway, there you go. A brief glimpse into the weird and wonderful world of playing Crusader Kings 3.

Don't forget: I stream it most Sundays over here. If you are sufficiently WTFed out by these, stop by. Honestly! It all makes sense in game! 😆 twitch.tv/gariusthebrit

Or, if you just want to buy me booze for being that guy who actually bothers to read patch notes, then you can do so here. Every little helps!

ko-fi.com/garius