Brendan Fraser Crane Profile picture
Oct 13, 2020 64 tweets 16 min read Read on X
Alright let's do this Image
The movie immediately jumps to the classic door gag, only this time Shaggy adheres to the laws of physics. This isn't your father's Scooby-Doo, this is more mature. Post watergate. Image
The animation is incredible in this. You have to understand the context of where we were at before this, the last time we saw Scooby and the gang they were teaming up with the Harlem Globetrotters to fight Dracula. They could only afford to animate the starting 5
Anyways I chose to do an animated film this time because my Rachel Weisz thirst was grossing even me out. Time for some wholesome family entertainment.
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“Coast to Coast with Daphne Blake” sounds like a terrible show. Probably runs in that 1 pm time slot, when the good will of The Price is Right runs out and you start feeling sick again.
The gang goes to New Orleans but this is the only black person in the whole movie. Probably for the best, she says "heebie jeebies" in her first sentence. Image
Rin Rue Rine hehehehehehehehe Image
Velma never struck me as a lesbian, lesbians are usually fun to be around
You may not like it, but this is what the ideal male body looks like Image
Fred, afraid of intimacy, invites his two nerdiest friends and their dog to sit between him and Daphne on their romantic getaway. Image
For the sake of ignoring the looming questions of the Scoobyverse economy, we'll just assume this is a Jones Soda situation. Image
I like Fred, I love Daphne, I tolerate Velma. Only Shaggy disgusts me. Image
The DSA's coalition Image
A small but sizable minority prefer "The Ghost is Here" to "It's Terror Time." They're called contrarians and genocide isn't enough for them.
This was the beauty of Clinton's America, Hillary showed women all across this nation that they could be monsters too. Image
"My show needs a real live ghost."

"That's an oxymoron, Daph."

Way to go, Velma, that sapphic wit is why we keep you around.
Meowwwwwwww (not just thirst, narrative foreshadowing) Image
Watched this with my siblings a few years back, for the rest of the week we'd say "I'M TRYIN' BUT SHE DON'T TURN ON NO DIME" in terrible cajun accents Image
And yes, this where the Wily Cajun ™️ character originated
We never really recovered from that stingray killing Crocodile Dundee, always looking for the next one Image
Animation was done by a Japanese studio, we get some of that knockoff Ghibli dignity as a result ImageImageImageImage
Look, this movie isn’t about the lingering evil of slavery, but it’s not not about the lingering evil slavery
Look at that posture. The Acadians vowed they'd never get caught unawares again, that's why they're always on alert Image
The main takeaway is that the food in this movie is the most delicious looking in all of cinema. I don't want to try actual cajun food because it will never live up. Image
Jordan Peele you hack Image
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Honestly was waiting for that line before I could go to bed. Spent 2.5 hrs on the first 28 minutes, haven’t even gotten to the titular zombies. BFC’s Season of Spooky Commentary will return tomorrow night.
Settle in, boys and ghouls, the Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island thread is back. Girls are specifically disinvited, you just won't get it.
Don't ghosts have better things to do with their time? Like anything else. Image
Scooby’s immense appetite can only be the result of an extensive case of worms. But what about Shaggy? What about Shaggy indeed.
Velma starts destroying this woman's kitchen with a spatula, doesn't even ask first. Ironic, metaphorical, recklessly destructive, that's 3rd wave feminism in a nutshell. Image
The late 90s was a great time to be a kid. Adults were too focused on Monica Lewinsky and Sarajevo to pay attention to what we were watching. Animators were giving us nightmares, and we loved them for it. Image
Also when we bought this vhs I thought it was a old classic, turns out it came out like a year before. Time moved different back then
The reason why there are so many zombies on this island is because they just terrible at warning potential victims.
1. Why are you grabbing your sword like that
2. Why is the sword out at all Image
I've deleted several Bob Barker jokes about spaying and neutering your pets. Image
All animators are fundamentally perverts, but there was a brief period of time when they were classy about it. Now your children's shows are drawn by cartoonists who cut their teeth on the Steven Universe tumblr sex page. Image
Later incarnations of the franchise would try self referential humor, but always from a place of superiority. Zombie Island was proud to be a Scooby-Doo movie, you don't cast Freddie Prinze Jr. unless you hate yourself. Image
tfw I'm admiring my snazzy new ascot, but then remember my failings and the pain I've caused others ImageImage
If I was given the choice of trying the crawfish in this movie or ensuring world peace, I'd ask for seconds
Scooby ways eats Shaggy’s share of the meal, this isn’t a reciprocal friendship. How low have you fallen when your dog doesn’t even respect you
Lol so good, the franchise has spent years building to this moment.
We later find out the grouchy gardener is an undercover agent investigating the disappearances. It makes sense why he’s in a bad mood, he’s a professional and now he has to deal with Aryan Encyclopedia Brown and his van of misfits
You make think Aryan Encyclopedia Brown is a bit too far, but I almost referred to Velma as a Private Dyke. But I wouldn’t put you through that.
Game changer. Everyone can tell you where they were when this time the monsters were real. I was watching it in the basement with my friend Ryan H. We went to PM kindergarten that day a lot less naive, let me tell you. Image
In a just world, “It’s Terror Time Again” would be the Halloween song, not “Monster Mash.” But it isn’t a just world, we got a dang Cheeto in the White House folkx
NYT editorial board announces their endorsement Image
I didn't even know Terry Bradshaw was sick... Image
All time plot twist. This came out one year before The Sixth Sense, M. Night has spent his entire career trying to match the cat monsters Image
Something deeply chilling about the way she says “I’ve been getting away with it for 200 years.”
I wasn't allowed to go to the park by myself, but was able to pop this in the VCR whenever I wanted. Only 90s kids will get this. ImageImage
So the backstory here is that this French pagan cult that worshipped a cat god immigrated to Louisiana. Choosing to believe this is a misinterpretation of Catharism Image
The pirates literally murdered an entire village, but the movie still thinks what happened to them is worse. The curse is essentially historical trauma, sin echoing down throughout the ages.
It’s southern gothic in how the land remembers this legacy of evil, the rapists & slavers & murderers. But the movie also shows everyone is a victim of this primal evil. I think the movie says we’ll never solve this mystery, but the only way out it is to end the cycle of violence
You know, still kind of hot. This isn't a furry thing, I'm just attracted to women I know will treat me poorly. Image
This is after she has kids Image
"And then it turns out the cajuns are cat monsters."

"Glenn, are you sure you quit acid?"

"Of course."

"Good.'

"...what if their faces just started melting off, I think the kids would love that." Image
The green light was separate from the pagan magic all along. Not even the cat monsters understand what's happening there, runs much deeper and older than even them. We never get an explanation, don't deserve one. Image
Super glad traditional animation has been abandoned to the Rick & Morty guys, I'm sure they'll be trustworthy custodians of that venerable tradition. But have you seen the recent Pixar animation? It looks just like real life, just worse. Image
Often overlooked, but this was the first installment to make the Fred-Daphne attraction canonical. Perhaps the real mystery all along was Love? Nah, it was the cat monsters. Like wtf was that? Image
They also try to suggest an attraction between Velma and the detective. Feels cruel to both parties.
The movie is not not about the legacy of slavery in the south Image
That's a wrap folks, congrats to those to stuck it to the end. Don't have much going for me at the moment, so the thread will return. Leaning towards Addams Family Values, but open to suggestions. Image
If you enjoyed the thread, you’ll like this in-depth video by our own @brebytheway

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More from @bf_crane

Aug 31, 2024
An actual trad medieval peasant would have cut the throat of a thousand men before him to have access to pasteurization
Funniest Flannery O’Connor moment is in The Enduring Chill when the writer son returns home and tries to bond with the black workers on the family farm by drinking raw milk. They’re like “I don’t think that’s a good idea” and he ignores them and gives himself undulant fever
As a general rule of thumb: whenever the alt-right and wealthy LA yoga moms are in agreement on something, then that thing is trying to kill you and they gave a Nobel prize to the guy who successfully killed it in return.
Read 4 tweets
Aug 3, 2023
We are so back Image
Should start by offering a detente between 2005 fans & the 1995 miniseries purists. Both adaptions are perfectly valid & in any case aren't competing over the same audience. 1995 is for lame aunts who think they're the fun aunt & 2005 is for cool girls & the men who respect them
Forgot that this opens with Elizabeth reading Pride and Prejudice. Real Borgesian nightmare if you think too much about it, so let's not. Image
Read 55 tweets
Jan 17, 2022
Ready for all of your wildest dreams to come true. Thread incoming. Image
I'm convinced that they added the student ID with the school year to tell everyone that this isn't an 80s period piece, rural Idaho is just like that.
2004 was a great year for Mormons. Middle schools across the country were quoting this gawky LDS youth. A young Brandon Flowers was teaching us about infidelity. George dubya was at least culturally mormon, if aesthetically evangelical.
Read 70 tweets
Dec 16, 2021
Feeling festive yet melancholic. Luckily there's a movie for that. Thread incoming. Image
Very funny that everyone insisted on calling him Jimmy. The man was one of our finest actors, a war hero, the avatar of pure Americana. But the second he asks you to call him James in that voice you're like "yeah sure, whatever you say Jimmy." Image
Towns back then had to constantly remind people where they currently were, because of the lead in the water, toys, paint, air, and anti-lead medicine. Image
Read 64 tweets
Oct 12, 2021
Livetweet and let die Image
You have to understand the cultural moment. The American Idol shine had warn off, we were starting to wonder why we were still in Iraq. Tony Blair made Brits feel ashamed for the first time in history of the empire. Matt Damon doing parkour terrified the Bond producers.
The last time we had seen Bond he was surfing a tsunami. Black and white cinematography in a former Soviet satellite was the natural over correction, like dating a redhead after a bad break up. Image
Read 73 tweets
Jul 14, 2021
If you want to view paradise, this might be a good place to start. Willy Wonka rewatch incoming. Image
Roald Dahl didn't like this movie for a number of reasons, one of them being the name change. But it was totally the right call. All Charlie does is have a dumb face and a worse last name. But Willy Wonka, the alliteration alone puts asses in seats.
Poor Roald, died from the common 20th century disease called "keeping it a little too real about Israel." You want to go for that medium sear, still a little bloody but the outside isn't burnt.
Read 64 tweets

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