1/ Alright. Let's go through this Kim Strassel column. The lede of a story is always incredibly telling, so surely hers will center on the bombshell news that Joe Biden corruption is now proven! 
2/ This is unlike anything we have ever seen in American politics. Here we have a politician who is -- buckle up your seatbelts everyone!!!! -- worried about his "family brand."
3/ Alright everyone. This part is confusing. See if you can follow along. Hunter Biden, Joe Biden's son, was trying to make money based on who his father was. I know, I know. It's incomprehensible. What kind of family would profit off their own name???
4/ Another damning paragraph. This one showing that Joe Biden was not involved in anyway in the development of this deal because he was busy being vice president. I know, Hunter will never survive this.
5/ Alright, alright. We're 5 paragraphs in now, so you must be ready for the corruption. And here it is: you are a) reminded you're reading an opinion piece (lol) and b) Strassel unveils the bombshell news that... everyone involved realized Hunter wasn't qualified!
6/ Ok ok ok. I know. Sixth paragraph. Surely the damning, election-changing news must be buried in this one. And you're right: here Strassel lays out the obvious fact, which is that this is not in any way shape or form a family business. Though Hunter wants it to look that way!
7/ Ah, paragraph 7, where Joe Biden surely realizes his real problem. His son is a drug addict. Something Joe surely didn't know, as displayed by all the dozens of loving and concerned texts he sent him that were published in the NY Post this week.
8/ One more time, for the people in the back, in case you're not paying attention: Hunter Biden is a Biden. And this selling proposition, that the Chinese are interested because he is a Biden, of course... is an indictment on his father? I guess?
9/ Here Strassel makes pains to remind you, her dear conspiratorial reader, that no such deal ever took place because the Chinese firm did, in fact, go bankrupt (presumably thanks to investigations that began when Biden was VP, but hey let's just ignore that!)
10/ Paragraph 10. Strassel makes the case that Hunter asking to hold equity for Joe is proof that Joe knew he was asking for this. Though she does have a point that it was never credible to think Hunter and Joe didn't discuss his business dealings. I'll give her that!
11/ Paragraph 11. Vague accusations that Joe Biden saw a version of some unspecified deal and rejected that deal for some unspecified reason. This, of course, is supposed to be proof that Biden did the exact opposite thing of what he was doing! (Which was rejecting the deal!)
12/ Here, in paragraph 12, we learn the most damning thing of all: Joe Biden didn't want people to know that he was sitting for a business meeting with a foreign company in 2017, when he was not in office or running for office. Totally, completely unforgivable.
13/ Alright Kim, bring us home! Paragraph 13: Definitive, documented, hard evidence of the fact that... the deal never materialized and the whole thing was just complete bullshit! Boom! Suck that one, Biden campaign!
14/ We're almost home! Just a few more to go! Now the final cherry on top of all this evidence: the guy vaguely accusing the Bidens of corruption is actually still holding a grudge against them because Hunter pursued other business deals without him! Wow! He seems credible!
15/ 2nd to last paragraph and we have a TOUR DE FORCE. Kim Strassel, here, tells you that a) THIS IS NEWS and b) We cannot, under any circumstances, trust Hunter Biden's judgment. Also, this raises questions (of course, not answers!) about Joe Biden's involvement in -- something!
16/ And here, reluctantly, Strassel runs out of steam. A final, benign graf dedicated to explaining to you that this might actually just be the story of a wayward son and indulgent father. A sobering note for the country to consider, no doubt.
END/ Alright, that concludes this week's episode of really nothingburger vague accusations! Quick reminder and programming note: The WSJ editorial board "obtained" these documents presumably bc the news division wouldn't cover the story. Yay for journalism!
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