Thread by @eaton

A personal note on that long-ass thread — in the years since I broke with Christian fundamentalism, my positions on many issues have changed. But my values — as in, the things that I value in my life and in the world — have been much steadier.

In that world, I was taught that what made me good — capable of kindness, able to help those around me, infused with purpose — was an external force that had saved me from my corrupt nature.

For someone who cares about other people, that's a terrifying framework to break out of. You have to re-learn new foundations for everything, learn to trust yourself and deal with both praise and criticism in very different ways.

A while ago, someone asked me what I'd tell my former self if I could go back in time, write a letter, somehow send a message. I joked that I'd travel back in time and slap myself for being such a condescending dick so often, but… that's only part of the story.

I ended up writing a letter — medium.com/growing-up-god… — and the experience helped me accept just how scared I'd been in that world. Not just of The Other but of myself.

If you're a friend or acquaintance or unfortunate retweet recipient of this thread, I want to make clear that my laser-focus on the pathologies of the Christian Right do not mean that I want you, or anyone, to turn on God.

I don't want to lure you away; I don't want to soothe some feeling of impurity-guilt on my own part.

While I no longer share your faith, I know many who still do — and whose expression of it is full of kindness and open-hearted care for those who most need it.

Sometimes, we hold onto things that are terrible because we're told the alternative is even worse. We learn to treat the terrible thing as something that is, really, if you look at it just right, good after all.

It's hard to let go of that. Terrifying, even. But what is on the other side is not an evil version of you; the deepest things that matter most to you, that move you and bring out the best in you, will still be there.