While we wait for this nail-biter to be resolved, let us pause to give thanks for an election that will give us plenty of things to argue about for years to come, which is what we really wanted. Everyone was right and everyone was wrong. Let the Hot Take cornucopia overflow!
Donald Trump took on the combined forces of the Dem Party, the media, Big Tech, China's coronavirus, and the Deep State. He supposedly only had a 2% chance to win. And yet he fought it down to a handful of votes in a few key states. An astounding achievement!
Joe Biden was the worst candidate in living memory, a doddering old man who spent the campaign hiding in his basement, with a running mate who got blown out of the Dem primary early - but he still fought it down to a handful of votes in a few key states. Trump really blew it!
The polls were incredibly far off. Polls are hot garbage. They either can't model the electorate correctly any more, or they're outright frauds contrived to influence public opinion. And yet if Biden pulls out a photo-finish win, we'll be told the polls were actually kinda right.
Trump clearly would have won handily without the coronavirus - or would he? Arguments will rage for years. What about Trump's amazing success with minority voters - while he got creamed among suburban whites in key states? What does that portend for the future?
Could Trump have scored so well with formerly solid Democrat constituencies without the same brash style that turned off so many independents? Could anyone else have done what he did? Can anyone else hold and build on his working-class coalition?
What about all those gigantic Trump rallies and marches? Did all those visible signs of enthusiasm really matter in the end, if Basement Biden ekes a narrow win in a couple of battleground states? Or was that enthusiastic support the only reason Trump did so well?
What about the NeverTrumpers? Were they a small, noisy, but ultimately irrelevant sideshow - or will they be able to boast of delivering that razor-thin win to Biden and rake in cash for the next four years as valued Democrat operatives?
Is the media kaput as a political force, distrusted by everyone after getting the election predictions so disastrously wrong - or can they congratulate themselves for helping Biden even into the wee hours of Election Night, priding themselves on their enduring influence?
This election was like watching kids play Calvinball, but it was also a chess duel between grandmasters. Every move was both a hideous mistake and a stroke of brilliance. Everyone was wrong and everyone was right. A thousand moments will be hailed as the Key Moment in retrospect.
Everyone's pet theory will be trotted out and groomed, because whatever your view of American politics might be, you found support for it last night. Hindsight won't just be 20/20 - it will be conducted with an electron microscope. Everything will change, or nothing will change.
After confidently bragging of a blue wave, Dems ended up winning nothing - except maybe the biggest prize, the White House - except that might not be worth as much as they hoped. Trumpism was both validated and defeated. Trump did better than 2016, except he also did worse.
After confidently predicting a massive Shy Trump vote would shock the political world and shame the media, Trump stalwarts got what they wanted, except maybe it was only good enough for the cold comfort of a close second instead of a crushing Trump defeat.
What does it all mean for the 2022 midterms and 2024 election? Everyone gets to be both revved up and utterly demoralized. Politicians across the spectrum will claim vindication and mandates. It will be a golden age of punditry and prognostication, a glorious mess.
The election ended up as a roadkill raccoon that will be surrounded for years to come by a teeming mob of political witch doctors trying to read the future in its entrails. Not what most people wanted, but 2020 wouldn't have it any other way. /end
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