Thread by @garius

This gets to why Columbo is one of my screen heroes.

He's smart, kind, humble. A poor kid done good.

And he quietly but persistently refuses to accept that privilege and power put you above the law.

And when you DO see flashes of anger, it's about that. newyorker.com/humor/daily-sh…

He also, in a very 70s/80s way, is the absolute opposite of the definition of masculinity at the time.

He's a quiet, scruffy but deeply caring man who uses his brain and words, not his fists.

As a kid who wasn't into sports I was FASCINATED by that being 'allowed' of a man.

Columbo is the very epitome of the 'greatest generation' concept, in US terms. He's a poor kid from New York who fought in Europe in WW2 and returned home to become a cop.

And he's passed over for promotion, and looked down on by LA society.

And he doesn't give a shit.

He loves his wife. He loves Dog. He loves his little beat up Peugeot.

And both he (and his superiors) know that justice is EVERYTHING to him.

And he will HAPPILY use everyone else's assumptions and privilege against them, in order to bring them down.

Falk was utterly perfect as Columbo. He GOT that character more than anyone else. And I suspect that's because there was a lot of himself Falk saw in the role.

A lot of people don't know that a bunch of the early episodes where ghost-written by Falk and members of the crew.

This was to protect one of the show's writers, who was battling cancer, but would have lost his studio healthcare if the studio knew he wasn't able to work.

It's also why a lot of the later reboot episodes just don't land.

They rightly recognised that they needed to add new things to the formula, but they utterly failed to realise that at the core Columbo was DEEPLY subversive.

They mistook the complexity of the crime for the thing that made Columbo work. Or the 'battle of wits' between Columbo and the perp.

NEITHER were the show's heart though. They were both consequences, not drivers.

The drivers were the level of privilege the perp always had, and how these manifested in two ways.

First: In the opportunity to commit the crime at all - normally through wealth, access (to tech, people or places) and an alibi normally based in part on them being above question.

Second: In the way that privilege manifests in Columbo's investigation.

To begin with, it's a blindspot that leaves them thinking this scruffy little pleb of a detective can't POSSIBLY be as smart as them.

Then, there's that moment of realisation where they go "Oh SHIT. He knows." (Always the best bit of a Columbo).

At which point the perp always then weaponise their privilege.

They often then set about using every connection they have to try and get Columbo off the case, or pressure/threaten him.

They sometimes pressure witnesses to do the same.

Or they summon high-paid lawyers.

Or they start shouting "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!" to everyone around.

Or (and these are the episodes that generally land best) they just openly admit to Columbo that they did it.

And (something that makes it different from, say, Quincy where this also happens a lot) they're refrain is rarely:

"Prove it"

It is, instead:

"No one will believe you"

And then, finally, that third ingredient of the show kicks in:

Columbo's systematic demolition of their privilege until they have no choice but to submit. By quietly, but systematically, dismantling their alibi.

Or even just making them THINK he has until they panic.

And that last bit is what, to me, is the crowning magic of Columbo done (and acted) well.

9 times out of 10, Columbo KNOWS THE PERP IS RIGHT. That their privilege WILL protect them.

And that the only way for a scruffy, LA detective to beat them is to MAKE THEM BEAT THEMSELVES.

Which is why SO MANY of the best episodes end with either a self-incrimination.

And then you get that perfect moment, always played perfectly by Falk. Where they know Columbo didn't beat them. He just fucked with them until they beat themselves.

And if they accept that, he'll give them a smile and a wink. And if they don't, they'll get a final flash of his anger.

But then that's it. That's the end. No gloating. No "I have gathered you all here ME ME ME THIS IS ABOUT ME" moment.

Just a scruffy little detective, who learned right from wrong on the streets of New York and in the fields of France, wandering off into the distance.

Whistling "knick-knack paddywhack" as he goes...

A final, extra note:

If you've never sat and watched Columbo, properly as a grown-up. Do so. AT IT'S BEST it is brilliantly written and directed TV.

And the best bit? You can watch a whole bunch legally for free.

Start with Any Old Port in a Storm: columbophile.com/2018/04/02/col…

Then go for Suitable for Framing.

The denouement to this is pure chef's kiss self ownage. columbophile.com/2019/01/09/col…

Then Etude in Black. Which has the full LA arty privilege in play.

Fun fact! TECHNICALLY, Gwyneth Paltrow is in this episode (her mum is one of the leads, and was pregnant at the time!) columbophile.com/2019/08/13/col…

And final, final note. Because it is another show (and performance) that is seriously underrated for the same reasons:

The closest we've gotten to Columbo on British TV is Frost, featuring a similarly-brilliant David Jason.

Same themes, but classic whodunnit format. Rewatch it.

NO WAIT! Super super final note!

COLUMBO VERY EXPLICITLY REFUSES TO CARRY A GUN.

Stop and imagine that for a second. Not just in a seventies cop show context, but in what we see about cop masculinity today.

COLUMBO IS A FUCKING COMBAT VETERAN.

(Korean. Not WW2. Cheers to @columbophile).

Yet he does 👏 not 👏 carry 👏 a 👏 gun.

There are whole EPISODES with subplots where his bosses are trying to get him to carry one, or even just renew his firearms test. AND HE JUST WON'T DO IT.

In all of those episodes, Columbo makes it 100% clear that if he EVER had to pull a gun during an investigation, it would be a failure on his part.

That doesn't mean he's not aware of the risk of a perp getting violent. He plans for it when necessary.

That's why there are various denouements where he makes damn sure he has uniformed backup.

And STILL in all these circumstances, he makes sure the arrest happens in the most de-escalated way.

Go watch the end of columbos and compare them to cop shows then and now. It's INSANE.

Anyway. Honest. Done now. I've got work to do!

But, if you like TV history, there's a bunch of my 'proper' pieces on shows up on Medium.

Most relevant here:

How Quincy changed US drug law:

medium.com/cult-tv-archiv…

The full history of Magnum PI:

medium.com/cult-tv-archiv…

Oh, just one more thing.

Peeps have been asking/talking about how I'd cast a reboot Columbo.

This thread is my answer.

https://twitter.com/garius/status/1325775761299660801