Thread by @joanwalsh

So I did it! I spent my first Thanksgiving in my whole life alone (with Sadie of course). A thread. 1/

I told @NoraWD not to come home, and she agreed. I got invitations from cousins on both sides of my family, but in the end, as the epidemiologists explain, we were too many “households.” 2/

I had friends who invited me from everywhere here in Upper Manhattan.. But nothing seemed sufficiently safe -- as in risk-free. 3/

After I saw Dr. Shirlee Xie, from Minneapolis, on CNN, crying about her patients -- and the costs to healthcare workers, including herself... I decided I couldn’t take a risk, any risk, not for me or friends or family. But on some gut level, especially for healthcare workers. 4/

At first, I lied to people. “Spending Thanksgiving with friends!” I told the other loved ones who asked me, and then friends in my building. 5/

I realized this was at least part shame. Would people think I had nowhere to go? What a loser! 6/

Since shame is a corrosive emotion, a few days ago I decided to be honest. “Oh, I’m just staying here with Sadie. We have a turkey, don’t worry!” 7/

It was tough -- mainly because friends and neighbors started to invite me to their holiday gatherings when I told them the truth. Some of whom I barely know. People are the best (except when they’re the worst.) I love New York. 8/

I also think I was scared to be alone. I love Thanksgiving, and so did my mother. I remember baking pies together every Wednesday night before. In our family photo albums, every year chronicled, there’s a gorgeous turkey, plus a family group of at least a dozen, and sometimes 20

There is one Thanksgiving not accounted for: when she died in 1976. It semi-picks up after that, but not really until I was an adult. The family holiday photos are all pretty spotty until they picked up again at my house. 10/

In my adult life, I’ve always cooked my mother’s holiday recipes -- whether at my home, or others’. Last year was one of my absolute Thanksgiving favorites: cooking for @NoraWD’s Des Moines friends and coworkers. With so much help, we crushed it! Best food ever… 11/

Maybe all these memories make being alone for the holiday possible. Maybe it’s Sadie. Maybe it was my extended family Zoom that, as always, went on way too long. (We are blessed.) But it’s mainly wanting to protect health workers everywhere 12/

I’m not virtue signaling or shaming. If I had an older or a sick family member or friend, who desperately wanted/needed to see me, I’d go. We have to make our own choices. 13/

But this came to feel like one small gesture I could make to honor the sacrifice of the people who are giving their holidays to take care of the selfish, the feckless, the heedless...the Trumpers. And the rest of us, who are careful, wear masks, and sometimes get sick anyway. 14/

Finally, a confession: I won’t spend Christmas without my family. Already scheming on options. TBH that’s also part of my reckoning here. I think we have to ration our risks -- if we are going to take one, we should give up another one. Stay tuned. And Happy Thanksgiving! 15/end