Our favorite cousin-banging target has the COVID, and he’s been hospitalized. Yes, Doodie Pooliani, the president’s lawyer, has contracted the virus. And we are damn conflicted. On the one hand, we know better than to wish harm on anyone. We can’t handle that kind of karma. 1/
On the other hand, it’s fucking Rudy. So we debated well into the night whether we should spend the morning laughing at this asshole before we realized there is nothing funny at all about a virus that has done so much damage to our country and our people. 2/
And then we decided on the high road for sure when we learned that COVID was not Rudy’s only issue. Apparently, he tested positive for a whole lot of stuff. Yeah, Rudy also tested positive for dementia, brain damage, the common cold, halitosis, 3/
17 different kinds of herpes including one that can only be contracted from having sexual intercourse with blood relations, three heretofore unknown strains of syphilis, sub-Saharan spitting chlamydia, 4/
Appalachian screaming flatulence, West Nile virus, East Nile virus, Southwestern Nile virus, Over at Craig and ‘Em’s Nile virus, Kansas City jumping shingles, ear-peeing, Himalayan foot-and-mouth disease, menopause, wanker’s elbow, prospector’s butt rot, dandruff, 5/
leprechaun peen, a particularly virulent strain of cooties, Pacman fever and the Chilean piranha blood shits. And despite all these diagnoses, doctors still don’t know why there’s diarrhea coming out of his temples. 6/
We’d say get well, Rudy, but we doubt a sick fuck like Rudy can ever really get well. So call the MyPillow guy or whatever and good luck. Ah, Feels good to take the high road. 7/
Here are a shitload of links about Doodie and the contract tracing that will be necessary now that we know he’s spreading COVID and not just anti-American bullshit. 8/
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@goldengateblond is this too much?
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