Thread by @executive_super

Thread: Life in the day of a Headteacher....

1. DFE: school staff will start to be tested regularly
Me: Yaaayyyy - we might actually be able to teach for a prolonged period without loads of staff and kids off

2. DFE: ... about that, you’ll need to train the staff (7 roles), find the time, locate a space with a specific type of flooring etc, each of the 7 roles will need 2hrs of training and you’re not allowed to say anything to the media without checking it with us first...

...(all announced to Heads through media leaks obvs) but it’ll be okay because you can do all that in planned inset and staff meetings ‘cos y’know it’s not like you need to do any curriculum planning, teacher training or anything else in that time...

... I mean it’s never actually strategically planned in advance is it? You all just drink coffee and play student top trumps on inset days, right???

3. Me: so we’ll be get funding to recruit staff to do this?
DFE: pah! you don’t need to employ someone to do it....
Me: so we’ll get to teaching when?
DFE: 🤷🏽‍♂️...
Oh Also - make sure your prepare for Brexit and potential supply chain issues

4. Me: no worries we’ve made sure we’ve ordered extra - fridges are full!
DFE: ah... about that... the tests need refrigerating...
Me: so are you saying I can either feed kids or test staff?
DFE: ooooo didn’t think of that...

5. Me: righto - I’ll get straight on that... time, money, floor space, extra food so kids don’t starve and giant fridges just appear magically out of my arse on a weekly basis... no problem...

6. DFE: ta... as a thank you we’ll freeze your pay and make sure we encourage Rod Liddle the wannabe child molester to write about what a feckless pile of lazy layabouts you are

Me: wouldn’t expect anything less - while you’re at it maybe bring back Wilshaw as an extra treat...