Thread by @ConorReadsXMen

Welcome back to #SidenoteSunday, our look through Claremon't backups in the Classic X-Men reprints, this time pulling from #3, Mourning, which happens in between the pages of UXM #95 and #96, focusing specifically on the fallout of John Proudstar's death.

CW: suicide, PTSD, war

Sometimes, as a social worker, it's difficult for me to detach fiction from human behavior. I imagined much of John's difficult attitude could be explained by past traumas. I didn't imagine what CC gives us in this backup.

Again, @ivrione's suggestion to read these was a gift.

As much as this is a story about John, it is also a story about how his teammates viewed him, misunderstood him, and have gone on to process his death.

First, we see how Charles is dealing with the trauma of feeling his student's death and learn of Jean's similar experiences.

After an early reveal that John's remains have been stolen ahead of his planned funeral, we see that John's family, justifiably, quietly voices their resentment toward Charles and the X-Men.

"You took our firstborn son from us, and brought him home. You've all done enough."

It's from here, as the team attempts to track the man who stole John's body, that the X-Men begin to reflect on John's life and death.

I found Sean's thought process here important. It nearly frames John's death as suicide, reframing everything we know of the character so far.

The other X-Men's reflections seem to also pull on this thread. After remarking on his intense trainings, Kurt seeks to understand John's self-imposed burden.

John's unsure if he wants to be an X-Man, but is trapped by hopelessness, seeing no future for himself or place to go.

His moment with Ororo contrasts their natures as too people who often find themselves alone.

She enjoys the solitude of her attic garden, comforted by the reminders of her distant home.

John, by contrast, is isolated, haunted by memories of his past. He is still a man at war.

It's not uncommon that when helping a depressed friend, they're encouraged to return to their supports.

The problem with this is that if it feels impossible to reach out or consider "burdening" others with your pain, it becomes easy to convince yourself you're better off alone.

Logan's moment with in this story is not one of flashback, but present revelation. John is revealed to have lied his way into the war, a dark experience Logan uniquely understands compared to his teammates.

He also suggests that part of John's decision to join the military...

was borne out of some pursuit of masculinity, something we'd today consider a form of toxic masculinity.

This compounds with what is clear, by now, John's PTSD response. To ask for help or be open about his pain would be to "undermine" his masculinity. It's a social norm...

that has pushed men to be almost half as likely to receive mental health services, or 75% as likely to go on medication. It's why so many suffer silently.

His death is not a failure of the team to have reached out, as they began to reflect, but of the society that raised him.

Tragically, the cycle continues with James as he shames himself for not being physically "man enough" to honor his brother. His grief is tempered by vengeance, as if to make it more acceptable to feel.

He hopes now that John, his warrior, suffers less now than he did in life.

If you read this thread today and find yourself in pain like John & unable to ask for the help you deserve, know that you are not alone.

If you're struggling or in pain, know that the feeling doesn't have to be forever. If you are in crisis or need support, call 1-800-662-4357.