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Sayed Tabatabai, MD

@TheRealDoctorT

20 Dec

The “Kobayashi Maru” is a training simulation from “Star Trek.”

Starfleet Academy cadets are tasked with the rescue of a spaceship named the Kobayashi Maru, that has been stranded in enemy territory.

The simulation, as it is designed, is un-winnable. 1/

Every possible attempt to rescue the vessel results in defeat, and the deaths of everyone on board.

The purpose of the Kobayashi Maru training exercise is to see how cadets act in the face of a no-win scenario.

The nature of their decisions when facing failure, and death. 2/

At its core, it is a test of character.

The purpose is not to “win,” but to act with grace and courage in the face of adversity.

To face the insurmountable and look it in the eye.

Today has been the Kobayashi Maru.

Yesterday was hope.

But today has been the Kobayashi Maru.

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Sayed Tabatabai, MD

@TheRealDoctorT

17 Dec

Was paid a visit today, by a great horned owl.

It perches on a low-lying branch, and watches me with eyes so golden they seem like twin suns.

Everything brings forth a memory now.

A connection.

The owl flies away, with slow leisurely flaps of large wings.

Effortless. 1/

The gold of its eyes.

The yellow of his eyes.

I’m an intern, it’s the early 2000s, and I’m on a gastroenterology rotation.

Seeing end-stage liver failure up close, learning the shades of yellow that skin can turn.

From a sickly tinge to something that looks radioactive. 2/

My attending sits across from me.

“That’s often the hardest part,” he says, “the realization of just how sick they are, and it’s already too late.”

It’s a painful lesson I will learn again and again as the years pass.

How bitter the truth can be.

How sweet the mirage. 3/

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Sayed Tabatabai, MD

@TheRealDoctorT

3 Dec

Every day I see the same cook in the hospital cafeteria.

I say hello, and ask him the same question.

“How’s it going?”

He always smiles and shrugs, “Eh, not bad for a Monday.”

Except he says “not bad for a Monday” every day of the week.

Finally I ask him about it. 1/

“Look doc, any day you gotta wake up early and go work, heck, that’s a Monday in my book.”

“So, a work week is five Mondays?”

“Yeah!” He laughs.

Another cook stands beside him. She shakes her head, “Don’t listen to him, doc.”

I offer her a grin, as she continues. 2/

“I’ve been real sick in my life. I know how sick people are in this place. Every day isn’t a Monday, it’s a Friday, because every day is a blessing and you look forward to the next one. For me, every day is a day I wasn’t guaranteed. A second chance.”

I nod, and smile. 3/

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Sayed Tabatabai, MD

@TheRealDoctorT

24 Nov

(Shared with permission.)

As we finish up the visit, I wonder again.

What’s in the backpack?

The patient sits before me. A large man of few words, head shaved, muscles rippling, tattoos.

I finally ask.

“So... what’s in the backpack?”

He smiles, and reveals his secret. 1/

But this story doesn’t begin here. And, to be honest, it’s not really about what’s in the backpack.

It’s about... well, you decide.

The day begins like any other. I’m rounding in the hospital. I print my patient list, and triage.

Rituals, structure, form, function. 2/

I’m noticing the words “COVID +” popping up more and more next to patient names.

Unbidden, a song pops into my mind.

“It’s the time, of the season...”

The Zombies. 1968.

What does it have to do with anything? Nothing. But now it’s stuck in my head.

All us zombies. 3/

Read 16 tweets

Sayed Tabatabai, MD

@TheRealDoctorT

15 Nov

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Sayed Tabatabai, MD

@TheRealDoctorT

13 Nov

There is something strangely hypnotic about the dialyzer, the way the blood pump keeps turning in its infinite loop.

Then again, when you’re tired enough, anything can seem mesmerizing.

It’s 2008, and I’m in the midst of my nephrology fellowship.

It’s been a long road. 1/

Being on call as a fellow usually means staying late, especially when the hospital is busy (i.e. always).

It’s a cold November night.

I’m sitting at a workstation desk in the inpatient dialysis unit, my gaze glued to the dialyzer across from me, zoning out.

“Awake doc?” 2/

The charge nurse is from Jamaica. She is calm, with the quiet competence that only comes from experience.

Her accent is soft, but still enough to be distinct.

It makes me think of places far away from here.

A warmer, more forgiving sun.

I smile, “Yeah, I’m awake.” 3/

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