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Kingfisher & Wombat Profile picture
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2 Jan, 6 tweets, 1 min read
Bathroom sink is draining slow, but has one of those unremovable stoppers. I have purchased something called a Drain Weasel and I’m going in. Image
HOLY MARY MOTHER OF GOD
Okay. No pics. Just imagine chunks of solidified dark chocolate pudding threaded with hair, being slowly coaxed up by a giant pipe cleaner.
After eight scrapings, cleaning the pipe cleaner thoroughly after each one, I have stopped bringing up significant chunks of Lovecraftian horror.
Not so much hair in this one, mostly black gelatinous sludge. If I tried this in the shower, I would probably need a lie down after.
Sink now drains faster than a steaming locomotive. Hell now holds no terror for me. Mixed bag, really.

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More from @UrsulaV

Kingfisher & Wombat Profile picture
4 Jan
My dad honored a bet with me once when I was about eight.

Okay, this may take a minute.
My first stepfather was a piece of work, in that sneaky way some men have of ferreting out weakness, and he enjoyed telling me I was wrong. Which, I mean, I was a kid, obviously I was wrong A LOT. No question! But if I was right, which did happen occasionally, it didn’t matter.
Now, it may come as a shock to you, dear reader, but I am a trifle argumentative by nature. I would fight my corner every time. But my mom hated conflict and would tell me to drop it, which meant he got in the habit of starting crap just so that she’d tell me to drop it.
Read 11 tweets
Kingfisher & Wombat Profile picture
3 Jan
I would just like to point out that some of us here on Twitter.com love beans for good and wholesome reasons that do not involve making small children miserable.
Embrace the wonders of the heirloom bean! It is a good and noble plant and while it does come in its own little packaging, you will not require a can opener!
They have history! Lineage! Occasionally even sagas! https://t.co/E41jZHgtFo
Read 6 tweets
Kingfisher & Wombat Profile picture
2 Jan
I ran into two friendly acquaintances while we were out and told them I hoped 2021 would be better. One told me how she was just diagnosed with severe arthritis in her spine (!!) and the other told us about her brother-in-law’s murder in September (!!!!)
So, uh, y’know, actually my 2020 was fantastic, I don’t know what I was whining about.
But they were both wearing masks and the nice lady who used to work in the garden center begged us to be careful because you know, a lot of people believe COVID isn’t real, but they’re so wrong.

We reassured her that we believed in the COVID.
Read 10 tweets
Kingfisher & Wombat Profile picture
2 Jan
So our dryer has been broken for awhile and the part is back ordered because factories making dryer parts are not essential services and we’ve been using the only laundry service in our small town, which is run by a nice Filipino woman, who of course likes Kevin.
She says to Kevin today “I met your wife!”
Kevin says yes, and that I work, he works, the dryer is still broken, and we are very grateful she does laundry so one of us is not sitting in the laundromat for hours a week.
She considers this, then says “You are busy. She is busy. Do not fix your dryer. Only twenty dollars here, much cheaper than fixing dryer.”

Kevin agreed that this was, indeed, a bargain.
Read 5 tweets
Kingfisher & Wombat Profile picture
28 Nov 20
All the recent Catholic Discourse makes me a little sad that my short story didn’t win the Hugo at Dublin Worldcon, because that was the only time I was ever gonna have the chance to give the speech about my grandmother’s Catholic polyamory to a primarily Catholic audience.
For those who have not heard the tale, Grandma was a woman of strong appetites and equally strong folk Catholicism, which meant that she strongly objected to sex outside of marriage. Her solution was just to marry each of them and then, when they tapped out, get divorced.
But this was long ago—Grandma was a Rosie the Riveter in WW2—and divorces were tricky and annulments, which of course she also had to get, required the Church’s approval.

So Grandma had a system.
Read 14 tweets
Kingfisher & Wombat Profile picture
25 Nov 20
The Japanese fatsia is blooming! This is a big tropical-looking shrub that’s much hardier than it looks. Generally quite well-behaved and a good screening shrub. It’s also attracting some pollinators, like my neighbor’s honeybees! Image
The honeybees I expected, but there’s also a bunch of flies on it that I don’t recognize. Image
The flowers are impressively alien-looking, but honestly, it’s a shrub you grow for the foliage. Makes a nice screen, no maintenance, very well-behaved and doesn’t rampage everywhere. I’m a sucker for big leaves. Image
Read 4 tweets

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