Thread by @GlobalForceGold

FEEL THE HEAT! It's the August 2020 WrestleWipe thread!

Yes! Hello! Welcome! In this thread we'll be going through all the news, drama, bullshit and petty squabbles that made professional wrestling the HOT TOPIC on our timelines.

Please read on...

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If you need a catch up, here's the July thread. You can also find it, and all the other montly recaps, on Wrestle Wipe dot com.

https://twitter.com/GlobalForceGold/status/1347267680823291904

Couple of things before I get started;

1. Apologies in advance for any formatting errors. These are big, media-filled threads and the app I use to create them is still fairly new and in constant development.

2. As is most likely the case going forward with these threads, there will be some references to Speaking Out so please use this part as a trigger warning. It won't be as much as June or July, but just please bare that in mind when reading on.

Now let's get onto the thread!

- Mere days after Vince McMahon got on a confernce call and said that the WWE ratings are down due to the pandemic and admitting their lack of new stars is also part of the problem, that young whippersnapper Shane McMahon returns to Monday Night Raw!

- Shane-O-MacDaddy helmed the debut of RAW UNDERGROUND, a weird experiment with fake MMA fights that looks like someone watched GCW's Bloodsport and dumbed down the idea enough so that Kevin Dunn could identify with it.

- RETRIBUTION makes their debut by blowing up some 'electrical equipment' with what looked like a molotov cocktail in order to cause WWE some technical difficulties. Good to see the very rich, very right-wing WWE finally putting their spin on politics.

- The creators of a 2016 crowd-funded Ospreay documentary posted an update after three years of silence where they PROMISED a November 20th 2020 release and alluded to some sketchy film festivals. This went about as smoothly as every other wrestling Kickstarter.

- Everyone's favourite Hollywood A-Lister Dwayne Johnson announces that he, along with RedBird Capital, are buying the XFL for $15,000,000. Yep, an entire sports franchise for just over his average movie fee. Treat yoself, Rock.

- Ex-CHIKARA wrestlers complain about WWE stealing RAW UNDERGROUND from their own pilot called 'The Crucible'. Apparently the pilot was a WWE Network pitch & WWE stole the idea after CHIKARA's shutdown. I would't cry too hard lads, as stolen bad ideas are still bad ideas.

- Ryan Satin, who some refer to as a 'poundland Shane from WrestleWipe' has a chat with Eric Bischoff on Twitter. Satin says that "a large portion of the fanbase still believes that what they're watching is real". Did you conduct this research at an anti-vaxxer convention, Ryan?

- WWE hires Nick Khan as the President & Chief Revenue Officer. Khan is a television executive who knows the ins and outs of TV sports like the back of his hand. His relationship with Tony Khan and/or dogs is, at the moment, unconfirmed.

- In other TV executive news, Kevin Reilly is let go from WarnerMedia after a company restructure. This is a big loss for AEW, as Reilly was the key executive who helped cement AEW's position at TNT.

- The Wacky Adventures Of Marty Jannetty continue as he sparks a police investigation after apparently confessing to murdering someone who attempted to sexually abuse him when he was 13. Well he's certainly apt at killing his own push so it's entirely plausible.

- AEW Heels launches to a lot of scrutiny; In essence, you're paying $49 per year for some Zoom calls & a forum, which is carny AF (especially from a multi-million dollar company). But on the other hand it offers a safe place for women to talk about wrestling, which is good.

- After their little drama club sesh, Pat McAffee attacks Adam Cole on NXT with a kick to the head & leaves the former NXT champ laying face down on the floor. WWE's continued hard-on for making celebs look better than their own pro wrestlers continues to throb & glisten.

- Sammy Guevara lobs a chair at Matt Hardy's face, cutting him open hardway so bad that Hardy needed stitches. Sammy couldn't find the safer, gimmicked chair he was meant to use & so he just lobbed a regular chair at Hardy's head, getting him quite a bit of heat backstage.

- Eric Bischoff appears on Dynamite to be the special guest moderator for a debate between Chris Jericho and Orange Cassidy. Although largely inoffensive by the end, this cameo actually leaked beforehand to much laughter and ridicule before the show aired.

- ICW posts their Speaking Out statement & it's largely generic "HR is good & we like Equity" fluff. They also leave wriggle room to book accused talent as they'll be suspending those who're charged, with a permanent suspension if found guilty. Take from that what you want.

- The other scuzzy ICW in America aren't faring too well on the ethics scale either, as they hold shows in a packed out fucking barn with fans slobbering all over each other.

- *BORING RATINGS TALK ALERT* AEW pulls a 901,000 to NXT's 753,000. It's AEW's highest rating since February, even with NBA competition, and several reporters allude to this being the first time AEW has beaten RAW's 18-34 demo ratings.

- Brandi Rhodes deactivates her Twitter account due to the AEW Heels backlash. A lot of the comments were "WHERE'S THE MEN'S FANCLUB?!?" bullshit but then there was the eventual 'bullying' talk & then Hana Kimura comparisons (AGAIN) so both sides of the coin are equally shit.

- Seth Rollins pops on the Gorilla Position podcast to moan about wrestling fans having "no patience" & not understanding the high art of 'Eye For An Eye' by comparing it to the Attitude Era. Well that settles it then, as nothing bad or dumb ever happened during the Attitude Era.

- RETRIBUTION take over Smackdown and destroy the ring in a limp-dick version of 2010's Nexus angle. The big difference is that the 2010 version was done to loads of heat and shock, whereas the 2020 edition was super fucking corny with chainsaws, spray paint and cringe.

- History is made as pro wrestling's worst underdog YOSHI-HASHI finally wins his first title in NJPW. It's taken him 12 years to reach this point, & after that 12 year period he still has all the presence & ability of a jellyfish. At least Tommy Dreamer could cut a promo.

- New Japan wets the pants of every wrestling fan worth their salt as they announce the G1 Climax will be going ahead with two full blocks of 10 spread over 19 days, with one block per day.

- Kamala sadly passes away at the age of 70.

- OVW begin their problematic pandemic wrestling with a promo by the owner who refers to the pandemic as "a horrible thing came from China" & goes right into some WE ARE AMERICANS!! ROCK, FLAG & EAGLE!! USA USA USA!! dumbfuckery, whilst the tiny is venue is rammed with fans.

- News starts trickling in through various sources about WWE's move to a new COVID venue at the AMWAY centre. It would ultimately be revealed as the THUNDERDOME and will include 2500 sq ft LED boards, streaming video of fans and will be 16 TIMES THE DETAIL OF REGULAR WWE.

- Will Ospreay, ever the go-to for internet discourse, posts "Haters Gonna Hate" on Instagram. How many times has old Billy Bullshit set fire to himself on social media & swore aloud that he wouldn't use it again. Just post GIFs & action shots, for fucks sake. It's not hard.

- Over on RAW, Dominick Mysterio gets strapped to the ropes and battered by Singapore canes in another televised WWE hazing ritual. It's fun stuff if wasn't for the sheer amount of camera cuts. Is Dunn paid per camera angle? What's the incentive here?

- Sticking with RAW, Randy Orton low blows Ric Flair whilst gently caressing him & the PC jobbers give it their drama school best "NO RANDY NO! DON'T DO IT!" cries, before WWEntifa turns the lights off in order to censor the punt kick. Honest to fucking God.

- BORING RATINGS TALK ALERT: The August 5th Dynamite beats the August 10th RAW in the 18-34 demographic for all three hours. It's at this point where it officially becomes Dynamite vs RAW.

- NJPW cancels their 13th August Summer Struggle show due to an undisclosed wrestler developing a fever. New Japan need to be more careful; maybe order some of Daddy H's Special Ring Spray?

- A stalker breaks into Sonya Deville's house in an abduction attempt. It would later come out that he had been planning the attack for 8 months & waited for four hours for Sonya to go to bed before entering her home. Mandy Rose was also there, & the two managed to escape.

- Philly's VXS Wrestling runs a no-ring show after it was cancelled three times in one day & was moved from venue to venue. Apparently someone called the cops & Tony Deppen dropped off during the chaos. Professional pandemic wrestling continues to be a pointless endeavour.

- NEW JAPAN PROFESSIONAL PURORESU announces the King Of Pro Wrestling title; a comedy championship that has different stipulations for each match. Suggested first round stips feature; Finisher Only, 2 count pinfalls, lumberjack and no finishers. NEW JAPAN PROFESSIONAL PURORESU.

- Despite his Speaking Out allegations, WWE trademarks the name of NXT-UK wrestler Joe Coffey. No surprises there.

- Rusev appears on The Ryback Show (disappointingly not a Saturday morning kids TV show) to let rip on the WWE creative process & Vince McMahon's refusal to go with something organic. According to VKM, those constant, massive "Rusev Day!" chants were just the fans "mocking" him.

- On NXT, Karrion Kross makes a fireball magically shoot from a contract in order to blind Keith Lee, submission specialist Dexter Lumis defeats Tim Thatcher and Velveteen Dream is brought back, allegations and all. Remember when NXT was good?

- Oh yeah, Velveteen Dream. Back from his car accident and straight into the NXT good books, Velveteen Dream smashes his way through Finn Balor en-route to Takeover. Oh boy.

deadspin.com/wwe-allows-all…

- Sadie Gibbs, Bea Priestly & Jimmy Havoc are quietly removed from the AEW roster, most likely due to their contracts lapsing. This also marks one of the only cuts that AEW made during the pandemic at this point, a stark contrast to WWE both in terms of quantity & justification.

- Stardom cancels an event due to a talent testing positive for COVID. The roster all have their temperatures checked as a precaution, but we're really hitting the shit bricks here with these scares and positives.

- TNA's Abyss makes his suited-and-booted WWE debut in an AJ Styles segment, making for a mini TNA reunion. You'll have to hop along to AEW to gather the rest of them though.

- John Xavier sadly passes away.

- In the build to Summerslam, WWE go full board in the Fiend vs Braun feud, with added Alexa Bliss just to make things even more arse. I'm sure teenage 4channers everywhere are wanking themselves silly to all this whilst they do battle on Twitter to defend their edgelord saviour.

- Shawn Michaels causes mass panic across the land when he doesn't sell a Ready Orton punt kick to everyone's satisfaction. The likes of Bully Ray & Velvet Sky take special exception to it, like there is nothing else in the world of wrestling to get IRL mad about.

- At the end of the PSG/Leipzig Cl match on BT Sports, Gary Lineker reads out a plug for SummerSlam with all the enthusiasm of a wet towel so that viewers know that he doesn't plan on watching the shit himself. And who can blame him? WWE is hardly a cool talking point these days.

- The guidelines for THUNDERDOME are sent to fans wanting to take part in the weird social experiment. This includes; one fan per "seat", good lighting, official WWE licensed merch "preferred" & the right to terminate participation. Just like attending WWE RAW in real life then.

- Shortly after getting COVID & WWE brass not being happy with how she handled it publicly, word gets out that Renee Young will be leaving. Wherever she goes, I'm sure she'll do great but she still won't escape wrestling fans DM'ing her for feet pics .

- WWE starts advertising virtual meet and greets, with prices at ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE FUCKING DOLLARS. What do you get? A Two minute chat with a WWE SUPERSTAR and the option to purchase "exclusive personalised autographed items". Buy food, people! We are in a pandemic!

- Talking Smack returns as WWE attempts to crawl back any goodwill they've lost in the past 18 months. For Talking Smack to work you need a good product to go along with it, so...yeah, lads. Good luck with that.

- The Sturgis Motorcycle Rally is linked to several COVID cases and Fozzy frontman Chris Jericho acts aghast on Twitter, clearly ignorant about how transmittable diseases work.

- Resellers are quick to act on AEW allowing in fans for Dynamite when they buy family & friends pods and sell off the single seats for profit. Tony Khan assures those in attendance that they'll be cancelling these split pods. I hope so TK because that is incredibly dodgy.

- Newz sites report that the entire NXT-UK roster is having COVID tests in London in preparation for their tapings at the BT Sports Studios. Yep, the one thing we were all clamouring for during the pandemic. Brilliant. Fuck off.

- Commenting on the lay of the land to Metro post-Speaking Out, HHH states that the reason NXT-UK exists is to protect wrestlers from abuse and to be as inclusive as possible. He somehow said all that without laughing maniacally. Fuck. Off.

- Cody's reign as the first TNT champion ends when he is destroyed by Brodie Lee in what was basically a glorified squash for six minutes. And you know what; it fucking worked. The Dark Order felt like the threat that the Bucks originally envisioned them to be.

- On Takeover XXX, Adam Cole defeats Pat McAfee. Pat looked great in defeat but too good for a rookie going against NXT's former champ, & he got to kick out of Cole's shit in the process. It's weird; Pat's a 'proper' athlete & is game for crazy spots, but it just feels dirty.

- Karrion Kross defeats Keith Lee for the NXT championship after the dopey git already forfeited the North American title.

- During the North American title ladder match, WWE tweets out a GIF of Velveteen Dream's entrance that is then flooded with the FIRE VELVETEEN DREAM hashtag. Amazing how they'll fire wrestlers but not their inept social media staff.

- Throughout the month, whether it's on conference calls or being asked by CBS sports, HHH states that there is nothing else left to say about Velveteen Dream's accusations, alluding to the investigation being closed & done. Nothing ever changes.

- Rev Pro hold their first COVID show. It's not popular due to Ospreay's involvement, the lack of a real statement on Speaking Out & the likes of Dan Maloney catch some flack for appearing, but it's just another pandemic pro wrestling show with acceptable wrestling & no energy.

- Sonya Deville takes the fall in a Loser Leaves WWE match at Summerslam. The stip was quickly shoe horned in that week, and it looks to be a bit of much needed respite for Sonya after the home invasion. She deserved so much more than this, it's a massive shame.

- Roman Reigns returns to murder The Fiend at Summerslam, prompting joy across the land, and tears being wept in basements across the Westen world.

- After giving THUNDERDOME a go I tapped out after Summerslam. The piped-in crowd noise, "applause sign" production & screens of fans barely reacting didn't do much to make COVID wrestling any better. It's enough to satisfy the WWE hardcores, but it's still very bad.

- It only took a few days for the trolls, 8channers and AEW fans to hit THUNDERDOME seating plans as over the course of a couple of shows we are treated to; Chris Benoit, Mario, Pikachu, the GCW logo, the KKK, an actual execution video and, worst of all, Kenny Omega.

- There's already backtracking on the hugely successful (citation needed) RAW Underground concept as newz sites report that several segments get cut from RAW as enthusiasm for the worked-shoot off-shoot loses steam.

- Keith Lee gets the call up to RAW to take on Randy Orton in a surprise appearance! Great news for Lee fans, not so great news for Lee himself as he is force fed new generic music & made to wear a fucking tennis skirt & tight top. Of course. BASK IN WWE'S MICRO-MANAGEMENT.

- Winner of the 'Worst Finishing Move Of 2010' Wade Barrett joins the NXT commentary team.

- Mike Quackenbush cements himself as wrestling's Ben Shapiro by wearing a cheap suit & looking uncomfortably sweaty on YouTube. He compares Cancel Culture to dopamine addiction & trots out the "Everyone makes mistakes!" defence that apologists base their entire argument on.

- Quack also launches a Patreon which, as of today's date, has seven patrons. What a fall from grace.

- NXT's culture of Q-Pilling gets a rise as Bobby Fish outs himself as a very dumb boy by sharing Q-related propaganda on Instagram along with the usual suspects like Jaxon Ryker, Nia Jax, Road Dogg and Drake Wuertz. D-Generation Dickheads.

- Karrion Kross, the man who can summon fire from contracts in order to blind his opponents, vacates the NXT title after suffering an injury during his title victory against Keith Lee. Weird how there's no hocus-pocus for shoulder injuries.

- Now that the investigation behind Velveteen Dream is definitely 100% done and above board, NXT sneaks Austin Theory back onto the show.

- An AEW fan documents his experience attending a taping of COVID Dynamite. This includes temp checks, six feet between fan groups, social distancing, staff double checking masks are worn, kicking out fans who don't comply, urinals being distanced & contactless concessions.

- Bullet Bob Armstrong sadly passes away.

- GCW announces a super spreader wrestling weekender! Known as the Collective, it would be running that October in Indianapolis! Yes, the city that was going to severely reduce restrictions in public places! What a coincidence! Weird that!

- This of course leads to loads of indie wrestling promoters, indie wrestlers and hardcore IWTV fans trying to justify this insane exercise in unnecessary excess during a fucking pandemic. Danhausen and Allie Kat can wait, lads. Come on.

- Roman Reigns is positioned as a heel post-return, most likely because Vinnie Mac believes the fans will hate him for "turning his back on WWE" or some other bullshit, & not that we're all rooting for Reigns for protecting himself & his family AND that The Fiend is utter shite.

- WWE kickstart their roll out of the indie content they've backlogged, starting with shows from PROGRESS, ICW, wXw and EVOLVE hitting the network. It's all very bland, uninspiring and includes names like [REDACTED] & [REDACTED].

- Jay White appears on a New Japan broadcast whilst sporting a Black Lives Matter t-shirt, easily netting him a Good Egg award for the year. The fact that he did this whilst standing next to crazy Uncle Kelly makes it even sweeter.

- Evil has his reign of New Japan terror ended when Naito beats him in a dull match that dared to go 26 fucking minutes, for fucks sake. Also on the show, Yano wins the KOPW meme championship because it's NEW JAPAN PRO WRESTLING IN 2020.

- During another one of their regular online tiffs, Jim Cornette accuses Ryan Satin of being a virgin or something, which prompts Ryan Satin's IRL GF to confirm that Ryan does indeed have sex with her. This app is a fucking hellscape.

- The week after Summerslam, WWE is back again hosting Payback. On this show, Keith Lee defeats Randy Orton clean (good), they re-do the ring breaking superplex spot with Braun and The Fiend (bad) and they WORK MATT RIDDLE'S RAPE ALLEGATIONS INTO A STORY LINE (what the fuck).

And that's it for August! Thanks you so much for reading, it's amazing that all this was only five months ago. Please RT, follow, share and all that good stuff!

I'm currently on schedule to have 2020 finished by March so keep an eye out for the rest, & excuse any grammar and formatting errors. Thanks again!

CREDITS:
@ChandranTheMan - Jannety pics
@411mania - Rollins transcription
@mongo_ebooks - OVW & Quackenbush clips
@bagelmonger - VXS clip
@FightfulWrestle - Rusev & HHH transcription
@Chris_Elliot84 - Lineker clip
@snowboiiii - Velveteen Dream clip
@mckenzieas93V2 - Benoit pic