Thread by @javierabegazo

Fuck it.

My real pronouns are She / Her

I can't adequately describe how terrifying it is to tweet that as someone who's just moved, been out of work for months, left an abusive relationship and in general has just lived a live on the margins of actual economic survival.

To all my Trans family, I'm sorry it took me this long. To every man that's ever joked about queerness with a hint of violence, I remember you.

Special shout out to @DJDague , @CortanaV, @msyeseniac @TheVTran & @beardswin for their crucial and timely and seemingly effortless support that may have seemed a small gesture to them but were bricks in the support leading up to me coming out to my mom yesterday

Shout out to all the incredible women in my life who have made me felt seen and understood literal decades before I had the language to name the disembodiment I've endured.

Shout out to all the women who have been in the cross fire of my internalized misogyny.

Shout out to the men (few they are) that I've felt physically safe around to let just a bit of authenticity poke through the conditioning

I haven't felt like I've had permission to own this reality because I don't actively pass as a woman. While that's my wildest dream, to just be seen as I see myself, that's a financially constricted future that quite frankly, I don't have time to wait for anymore.

There's this incredible person I've followed for a while on IG, instagram.com/alokvmenon who has me piece apart the notion that I *need* to pass as a woman to hold my trans identity.

While there is the very real threat of violence in every form in expressing that my gender identity doesn't match my gender assigned at birth, I don't see my avoidance of acknowledging it to be helpful to myself.

To my ex from years ago who invited me to coffee to apologize, and then after telling them my pronouns later corrected themselves when they misgendered me (which left me immediately sobbing in the street) thank you for that profound gift, I'll never ever forget that moment.

My name given at birth, Javier, ever so conveniently has gender duality to it, with Javi essentially being gender neutral and as it so happens, I love the way "Javiera Cordero" sounds, so feel free to continue calling me "Javi" or "Javiera"

My brother will probably find out on twitter. So yeah, lol, surprise you've had another sister this whole time.

To my 12 year old sister Viviana, you're a fucking boss.

To the amazing people behind the show Pose, how magnificent it was to see trans puerto rican women on screen.

To anyone who finds this upsetting - you have no idea how many people you love in your life are forcing themselves to be an inauthentic version of themselves for fear of your judgement.

You DON'T have to understand trans identity to accept it. Lean into the unknown. Do some research into how gender has been constructed to uphold white supremacy and patriarchy.

Anyways, while I have your attention, help a girl out who's looking to start a career in production in games.

If you work in Production, I really would love your mentorship.

Are you hiring for a Producer? Would you have the ability to extend an internship?

RT this please

I know that a job in production isn't going to randomly find me, I've got to seek and pursue every available avenue. So in advance, thank you for using your privilege to unobfuscate the path to being your peer.

to @IronGalaxy , you were the first job I felt safe to apply at with my pronouns, and while I didn't have the experience you were looking for, it was wildly healing to be on the phone with your recruiter and him correct himself on misgendering me.

@JosephJBroni @JesusHotWheels @amboyes Ya'll are doing important work. Don't stop. Surpass your own expectations for what diversity and inclusion can be.

If any of these tweets are upsetting to you, congratulations, you've discovered a personal boundary around your own ignorance. It's totally ok. Learning always has a beginning point. (never an end)

Just as much as it is not my job as a puerto rican person to educate you on the legislated villainy of the United States, it's also not my job to explain the validity of trans identity.

If I feel like your questions are genuine, and if I'm feeling generous, I may learn you a few things but just never expect it. I haven't got my consulting business license yet to invoice you.

What I will do is plug my dear friend @EboBarton's incredible book, "Insubordinate"

ebobarton.com/product-page/p…

This poem will forever feel deeply personal around my becoming.

(no seriously, buy the book: ebobarton.com/product-page/p… )

Dear game dev friends who I've come to know through the years, thank you for all your work on games, despite this industry often times doing its best to undervalue you. I would not be here without games and your work is more meaningful than you can imagine.

Anyways, time to make some lunch and decompress with some good ol' video games.

If you're a producer/game dev who's followed me, offered support or DM'd me, I will get back to you tomorrow morning!

This has been more exhausting than anticipated and hoo girl did I anticipate.

Morning after update:
I never imagined that this is the kind of the support that would show up IN A SINGLE DAY.

I’m floored.

I opened my messages to find a veritable wealth of love, Producers reaching out to connect, personal stories of others trans or queer experiences.

I just started laughing because I didn’t know what else to do. There really is more love than hate.

What a fundamental paradigm shift this is for me. Thank you so much.

To people who have been forward with their curiosity on gender identity, thank you for that vulnerability.

Thank you to the wonderful humans who have been patiently explaining or forwarding resources for them to understand a bit more about the rich complex spectrum of gender identity (completely divorced from sexuality).

We are all stuck with each other on this planet, replying to vitriolic hate with aggression might feel cathartic but the real path is to refocus on love and education. They may not be ready today, but sharing knowledge can plant the seed for their rise past fear.

If all that comes of this is more trans folx seeing that there is love, support and acceptance out there for them, this will have been a wild success.

Alright, time to get to work on replies and start the path towards my dream job.

There are video games waiting to be made that I’m going to be a part of.

Stay lovely to each other! 🌻 💖