Thread by @garius

I take great joy from the fact that I will never have to hear Trump say 'Febwoowary' ever again.

"We got 75million votes. that's a record for...

for...

<SHIT. DON'T SAY A LOSER. DAMNIT DONNY WHY DID YOU START THIS SENTENCE? OKAY THINK. THINK. THINK>

...for sitting Presidents."

😆

L O S E R

"We will be back in some form."

God knows what a Pokemon Trump evolves into.

I hope that when Trump gets onto Airforce 1 for the last time, YMCA blaring out, one of his secret service guys FINALLY explains to him what that song is about.

"Sir you think how this song starts 'Young Man' and makes you sound virile, well there's something you should know..."

Fellow Catholics:

Drink the blood of Christ every time someone on CNN mentions Joe Biden is a Catholic.

Of course, things turned out SUPER well for the last Catholic President of the US. So maybe let's not harp on about that, yeah?

"The building is now empty, the cleaning crews are coming in."

I think that sums up the end of the Trump presidency entirely.

Barron Trump in the White House right now.

BREAKING: Melania Trump was wearing Chanel when she left the White House.

Really fucking glad we cleared that up. Investigative Journalism at its best from CNN right there.

Dr Biden apparently plans to focus more on wearing American designers.

24HR news is a fucking human curse.

I will NEVER not find it funny that the tune for "My Country T'is of thee" is nicked from the British national anthem.

It's like they still secretly keep a photo of us in their national wallet.

Lads!

Brass Lads!

Do the Dambuster theme!

Lads!

LADS!

DAMBUSTERSSSSS

Gowaaaaaan

They didn't do Dambusters.

This is the worst beer festival ever.

Honestly. What's even the point of having a brass band at a thing like this if they're not going to do Dambusters?

This bodes badly for the Biden presidency.

Oh hey Dan Quayle.

I'm assuming he's the one who was in Inner Space not the weird Trumpy one who turned out to be EXACTLY like his character in Independence Day.

I love that they're announcing all the former presidents like they've just been inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame.

BUT WAIT, IT'S THE SUPREME COURT JUSTICES WITH A STEEL CHAIR...

"You know the best thing about this mask? I can call insurrectionist Congressmen ratfucking Quislings and no one can lipread it."

I always find it interesting that the pomp and ceremony for a new president is largely the same as for a new monarch, just without the crowns.

Ew. Pence is here.

Quick! Someone take a knee and scare him off.

"We should note here that Pence's desire to smooth things over is only about two weeks old."

BUUUUUUUUUUUURN

I feel like they should be playing Umpa band music for this bit.

"I've whispered 'ratfucking insurrectionist Quizling' in the ears of about 30 of them so far. It's like political Pokemon. I'm trying to complete the set."

Yessssss (Part 1)

DAMBUSTERS!

LADS!

DAAAAAAAMBUUUUUSTERS

This is why Harris is wearing purple, btw.

Shirley Chisholm.

First black congresswoman. First to run for presidential candidacy of a major party.

"If they don't give you a seat at the table, bring a folding chair."

Respect.

Yessssss (part 2)

Biden absolutely insisting on his right to sit in the proper dad chair. Respect.

Blunt has proper American White Male Hair. A hurricane couldn't disturb that head rug.

As a kid, I remember my old priest once doing a SUPER ranty sermon about how humanity was going to hell, because someone nicked his car stereo while he was at a Spurs game. It was brilliant.

I still think about that sometimes, whenever I see a Catholic priest giving a sermon.

QUEEEEEEEEN

Who says America doesn't need a monarchy? Vote Gaga. Absolute BELTER of a National Anthem.

FUN FACT!

The Royal Navy ship firing on Fort Henry (The subject of the Spar Spangled Banner) was the HMS Erebus.

Yes THAT HMS Erebus, of latter Franklin Expedition Fame.

J Lo has gone full Hamilton. Love that.

Oh and sorry Harris got sworn in while I was writing that Erebus tweet.

Look. Don't read inauguration threads by military historians if you don't want to get distracted by minor navy shit.

Mr President.

That's it. That's the tweet.

IMPORTANT EREBUS UPDATE

I may have missed a name change/scrapping. It's possible. Not strictly my era.

Fighting the urge to investigate over listening to Biden.

https://twitter.com/PTavner/status/1351934862366793729

"Democracy has prevailed"

Good speech, unsurprisingly, about healing but acknowledging the serious challenges ahead.

Biden explicitly calls out that COVID has cost America as many lives as WW2.

Honestly, this is a really good speech. Calling out the inherent conflict between the American vision of itself, and racism, nativism etc. in reality.

"Politics doesn't have to be a raging fire destroying everything in its path, every disagreement total war. We must reject the culture where facts themselves are manufactured."

"America has to be so much better than this. We CAN be better than this."

Biden quoting Saint Augustine on the "Common Objects of Our Love".

Fucking HELL this is so refreshing. Now if we can just sort out our binfire of a PM over here I'll be happy.

An end to the platforming of ignorance and idiocy is all I want.

I just want people to behave like fucking grown-ups again.

Well, that was a proper good fucking speech.

Now the hard bit begins.

Garth Brooks 100% looks like he's about to rob a train. I love it.

White Hat Garth. WHITE HAT.

When your uncle grabs the mic at your wedding reception.

True story: Me and a colleague once managed to avoid a bar fight with sailors in a New York dive bar because we knew the words to 'Friends in Low Places'.

Amanda Gorman nailing this poem. Flows and scans brilliantly.

This is some proper Virgilian lyrical shit.

Homer (the non-yellow one) is watching this somewhere and nodding happily.

I need Reverend Beaman's scarf. That's some gorgeous dazzle camo.

As someone who had to carry the colours in Scouts let me tell you that this shit is much harder than it looks in high winds.

"RIGHT. Y'all back to ours for nibbles. We've got all the good shit. pineapple and cheese on sticks in a tin foil potato, chicken nuggets, those pink waffle biscuits.

if any of you have got spaces in your cars can you let me know? We've got people who need a lift."

I'm choosing to believe Obama is telling Amanda Gorman:

"Your turn next, Madame President."

And NOTHING you can tell me will persuade me otherwise.

"Seriously. Obama called me a ratfucking insurrectionist Quisling. Why does no one believe me?"

Right. DAMBUSTERS.

This is your last chance Brass boys.

Don't fucking ruin this whole thing by not doing it.

They didn't do Dambusters.

Whole thing is ruined.