Thread by @Mellis40682979

@AmyJacobson @chicagosmayor @MorningAnswer @DanProft Did I miss my invitation to the secret Committee on Dreaming Up Ever More Cruel, Sadistic, Insane, Devastating, Backward, Anti-Science, Policies to Inflict on Innocent People?
@EWoodhouse7 @ChefGruel @Chesschick01 @RMConservative @kerpen @robinmonotti @moutet @atensnut

@AmyJacobson @chicagosmayor @MorningAnswer @DanProft @EWoodhouse7 @ChefGruel @Chesschick01 @RMConservative @kerpen @robinmonotti @moutet @atensnut It sounds like such fun. It really amps up the creative juices when constraints like science, morality, laws and such are removed. Sub committees apparently have also been established at the State and Local levels chaired by Pritzker and Lightfoot.

@AmyJacobson @chicagosmayor @MorningAnswer @DanProft @EWoodhouse7 @ChefGruel @Chesschick01 @RMConservative @kerpen @robinmonotti @moutet @atensnut Somewhat surprisingly, minutes of a recent meeting were just released.

@AmyJacobson @chicagosmayor @MorningAnswer @DanProft @EWoodhouse7 @ChefGruel @Chesschick01 @RMConservative @kerpen @robinmonotti @moutet @atensnut “The Committee will come to order. First order of business: Raise your hand if you’re for keeping restaurants and bars closed inside (except of course for us and our friends) and forcing people to eat and drink outside in winter.

@AmyJacobson @chicagosmayor @MorningAnswer @DanProft @EWoodhouse7 @ChefGruel @Chesschick01 @RMConservative @kerpen @robinmonotti @moutet @atensnut “I know, I know, there’s little to suggest those are a significant source of viral spread, but that’s the beauty of it. It crushes plenty of small businesses AND helps keep people from getting together and having fun, so it’s a 2-fer. All in favor? Ok, done.

@AmyJacobson @chicagosmayor @MorningAnswer @DanProft @EWoodhouse7 @ChefGruel @Chesschick01 @RMConservative @kerpen @robinmonotti @moutet @atensnut “Now, how about making patrons wear masks while sitting outside freezing? Double masks anyone? Ok. How about this: Tell them a few people can come inside, but make them turn TVs off during one of the biggest TV events of the year?

@AmyJacobson @chicagosmayor @MorningAnswer @DanProft @EWoodhouse7 @ChefGruel @Chesschick01 @RMConservative @kerpen @robinmonotti @moutet @atensnut “Great idea. That’ll make them crazy. Let’s do it. While we’re on the subject, let’s just do double masks everywhere. Why not?

@AmyJacobson @chicagosmayor @MorningAnswer @DanProft @EWoodhouse7 @ChefGruel @Chesschick01 @RMConservative @kerpen @robinmonotti @moutet @atensnut “Any others? Closing schools and eliminating sports and extracurriculars (except for our kids, who attend private schools and travel to 2nd estates where they participate in traditional commoner sports like equestrian competition)? Genius.

@AmyJacobson @chicagosmayor @MorningAnswer @DanProft @EWoodhouse7 @ChefGruel @Chesschick01 @RMConservative @kerpen @robinmonotti @moutet @atensnut “Destroy their futures AND their social networks. Why didn’t I think of that?

Whew... That’s enough for one day. Don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted. Let’s knock off for now and pick up again at 11am tomorrow so we can get 30 min in before lunch.

@AmyJacobson @chicagosmayor @MorningAnswer @DanProft @EWoodhouse7 @ChefGruel @Chesschick01 @RMConservative @kerpen @robinmonotti @moutet @atensnut “Jeff, thanks for keeping the camera pointed away from you during the meeting, but please work to keep the moaning down next time.

@AmyJacobson @chicagosmayor @MorningAnswer @DanProft @EWoodhouse7 @ChefGruel @Chesschick01 @RMConservative @kerpen @robinmonotti @moutet @atensnut “Nice work everyone. After you finish dinner by the beach or pool put on your thinking caps for tomorrow. Hate to be a slave driver, but I know we can do even better. Think kids - they are particularly ripe for torment.

@AmyJacobson @chicagosmayor @MorningAnswer @DanProft @EWoodhouse7 @ChefGruel @Chesschick01 @RMConservative @kerpen @robinmonotti @moutet @atensnut “We’ve gotten the child suicide rate up nicely, but I’m confident we can further thin out that population. John has agreed to take a texting break to join us. I’m excited for him to share his insights.

@AmyJacobson @chicagosmayor @MorningAnswer @DanProft @EWoodhouse7 @ChefGruel @Chesschick01 @RMConservative @kerpen @robinmonotti @moutet @atensnut “We need to make room for the fresh influx of illegal immigrants now that the borders are flowing again.

@AmyJacobson @chicagosmayor @MorningAnswer @DanProft @EWoodhouse7 @ChefGruel @Chesschick01 @RMConservative @kerpen @robinmonotti @moutet @atensnut “And don’t forget about those annoying dissenters. Now that we’ve released most of the criminals, the prisons are freed up for troublemaking free thinkers. Who needs them when we geniuses have all the answers?

@AmyJacobson @chicagosmayor @MorningAnswer @DanProft @EWoodhouse7 @ChefGruel @Chesschick01 @RMConservative @kerpen @robinmonotti @moutet @atensnut “Someone please check in with Xi or Vlad or Nicolas for suggestions - they’re pretty good at that.

Wow, I didn’t realize how much work we still have to do. I’ll get Nancy and Chuck to add a few $billion to the Covid Relief package. We all deserve a raise.”

@AmyJacobson @chicagosmayor @MorningAnswer @DanProft @EWoodhouse7 @ChefGruel @Chesschick01 @RMConservative @kerpen @robinmonotti @moutet @atensnut @threadreaderapp unroll please