Most men have absolutely no idea how to talk to their wife.
Their wife says, “Talk to me!” and he answers, “What am I supposed to say?”
Women develop emotional intimacy through talking. Men don’t know how to do this.
Here’s a thread on communicating intimately with your wife:
Women tend to be happiest when they feel USEFUL to the people they love. They also want to feel TRUSTED with inside information about how you’re doing and what your challenges are, again so they can HELP and BE USEFUL.
VULNERABILITY indicates huge trust.
What is vulnerability?
VULNERABILITY is revealing your weak areas. This terrifies men because we hate weakness, as it lowers our value and social status and exposes us to potential wounding.
Women crave to see weakness so they can be useful by helping their partner grow and shield his weak points.
But women do not respect men who fall apart sobbing about their problems without having a plan to fix them. They respect a man for HAVING A WEAKNESS, not for BEING WEAK.
When I say men need to learn to be vulnerable, they picture BEING WEAK.
The best way men can approach this paradox is to STATE A PROBLEM THEY FACE. Share the EMOTION attached to that problem (frustration, sadness). Then explain the solution you’ve ALREADY THOUGHT OF.
Next, you ASK FEEDBACK ON THAT SOLUTION.
This is a crucial formula.
Women DO NOT want men coming to them for all the answers. A man who’s too afraid to think logically and find a solution is NOT attractive.
But women’s brains work relationally. They see patterns and tiny connections the hyper-focused male brain may miss.
Sharing your weakness with a woman indicates trust. Sharing your feeling about that problem shows her your thought process and helps her relate to you. Asking her feedback on your solution invites her to be USEFUL to you. Being USEFUL makes her feel secure in the relationship.
If you REFUSE to do this, to share vulnerability and ask for feedback, you are saying to her
“I DON’T TRUST YOU, I DON’T TRUST YOUR THINKING, I DON’T NEED YOU, SO I WON’T STAY WITH YOU FOR VERY LONG, I’M LOOKING FOR ANOTHER WOMAN I’LL VALUE MORE.”
This kills her sex drive.
Following the formula above may INCREASE her sex drive as you develop true emotional intimacy with her through trust and respect. She feels valuable and USEFUL and believes she’s secure because you’ll want to keep her for more than just sex.
Emotional intimacy is an aphrodisiac.
If you want stronger marriage and a better sex life, learn to SHARE YOUR PROBLEMS, STATE YOUR FEELING, EXPLAIN YOUR SOLUTION, and ASK FOR FEEDBACK.
This is the secret to making your wife feel loved, respected, and USEFUL.
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Why are an estimated 40% of men neurochemically incapable of feeling loved?
Something about modern life is activating a specific survival adaptation that turns off men's ability to experience the neurochemical markers for feeling loved by others.
Here's what's happening...
Men have the ability to shift their brain chemistry to respond to hard times and bad environments. This shift happens in childhood based on experiences that shape how you perceive the world to function.
Hard and lonely childhood can lead to a different brain.
Here's how...
If no one gave you the bonding hormone OXYTOCIN in childhood, or if your stress and cortisol levels were too high and they BLOCKED the receptor sites for oxytocin, and if others seemed either inconsistent, unreliable, controlling, or negligent, your brain entered a new pathway...
Men, if you don't understand your wife's desires, she's never going to desire you.
Here's what you need to know to drive her libido through the roof:
Even most women don't understand how their own sex drive works. They can make vague statements about feeling "safe" and "close to you" but they can't measure what that means or give a clear pattern to follow.
Most men get lost here.
This is what you need to know:
1) Safety
This comes down to having basic needs covered including
-Shelter
-Food
-Protection from violence
-Protection from abandonment
-Stability and predictability
Those last 2 might sound surprising, but women need their environment (including you) to be predictable because-
Too many men live in quiet desperation, cohabiting like roommates with a wife who grows more angry and critical as time passes.
Facing a deteriorating relationship with your spouse can feel like a never-ending battle. It can even feel hopeless.
Here's how to fix it:🧵
Most husbands around the world share a common goal: to mend their relationship and rekindle the warmth and affection that once was.
Yet, no matter how hard they try to break through their wife's armor, their efforts seem only to add fuel to the fire of blame.
This is because...
The root often lies in a deep-seated incompatibility in how the two face challenges and resolve conflict, an incompatibility that went unnoticed early on.
There IS an answer. And it's not what you'd expect.
Most single men today have NO CLUE how to answer this question. So I'm going to make this simple for any man looking to attract a loyal and passionate woman.
Here's what women want from you: 🧵
In my clinical experience, women want FOUR THINGS from men. My 15 years of experience in Psychology as a therapist/coach as well as my 15 years of happy marriage prove they're true.
When I speak with women in private, these 4 things are what they reveal they NEED for attraction.
1) Consistency.
Sounds boring? Far from it. Women put moral character at the top of the list, and sticking to that moral character with consistency.
They need to be able to predict how you'll act under stress. Will you be weak and fall apart? Or stay firm as a man?
The wife feels lonely and sad, but the husband has no idea why. They love each other but don't like each other anymore.
This is by far the most common married couple who comes to me for help. And there's a specific reason this is happening.
Here's the reason:
There's a hidden relationship dynamic playing out in about 50% of adults:
Growing up in families that didn't teach the vital skills needed to maintain a functioning romance has led to generations of adults who can't maintain a marriage and make it thrive.
Here's why:
You learn skills by seeing someone else using them or by having someone transmit them to you through experience.
In other words, if your parents didn't have a thriving marriage or raise you to form intentional bonds, how will you know what to do?
Approximately 33% of lottery winners go bankrupt within 5 years.
39% of first marriages end in divorce.
Both are a skill issue. Even if you get what you hope for, in this case a loving partner, you need skills to make things work.
Here are the you need to keep romance alive:
1. Conflict resolution.
In a recent survey of divorced individuals, 43% said they found it impossible to solve problems with their partner.
Conflict resolution is a set of skills you SHOULD learn as a child based on how your parents negotiate with you.
Or you MUST learn now.
2. Communication skills.
65% of divorced individuals also cited poor communication in general as the main factor that led to everything else breaking down (including affairs - more on those in a moment)
But men and women communicate differently, and for different reasons...