Most men have absolutely no idea how to talk to their wife.

Their wife says, “Talk to me!” and he answers, “What am I supposed to say?”

Women develop emotional intimacy through talking. Men don’t know how to do this.

Here’s a thread on communicating intimately with your wife:
Women tend to be happiest when they feel USEFUL to the people they love. They also want to feel TRUSTED with inside information about how you’re doing and what your challenges are, again so they can HELP and BE USEFUL.

VULNERABILITY indicates huge trust.

What is vulnerability?
VULNERABILITY is revealing your weak areas. This terrifies men because we hate weakness, as it lowers our value and social status and exposes us to potential wounding.

Women crave to see weakness so they can be useful by helping their partner grow and shield his weak points.
But women do not respect men who fall apart sobbing about their problems without having a plan to fix them. They respect a man for HAVING A WEAKNESS, not for BEING WEAK.

When I say men need to learn to be vulnerable, they picture BEING WEAK.
The best way men can approach this paradox is to STATE A PROBLEM THEY FACE. Share the EMOTION attached to that problem (frustration, sadness). Then explain the solution you’ve ALREADY THOUGHT OF.

Next, you ASK FEEDBACK ON THAT SOLUTION.

This is a crucial formula.
Women DO NOT want men coming to them for all the answers. A man who’s too afraid to think logically and find a solution is NOT attractive.

But women’s brains work relationally. They see patterns and tiny connections the hyper-focused male brain may miss.
Sharing your weakness with a woman indicates trust. Sharing your feeling about that problem shows her your thought process and helps her relate to you. Asking her feedback on your solution invites her to be USEFUL to you. Being USEFUL makes her feel secure in the relationship.
If you REFUSE to do this, to share vulnerability and ask for feedback, you are saying to her

“I DON’T TRUST YOU, I DON’T TRUST YOUR THINKING, I DON’T NEED YOU, SO I WON’T STAY WITH YOU FOR VERY LONG, I’M LOOKING FOR ANOTHER WOMAN I’LL VALUE MORE.”

This kills her sex drive.
Following the formula above may INCREASE her sex drive as you develop true emotional intimacy with her through trust and respect. She feels valuable and USEFUL and believes she’s secure because you’ll want to keep her for more than just sex.

Emotional intimacy is an aphrodisiac.
If you want stronger marriage and a better sex life, learn to SHARE YOUR PROBLEMS, STATE YOUR FEELING, EXPLAIN YOUR SOLUTION, and ASK FOR FEEDBACK.

This is the secret to making your wife feel loved, respected, and USEFUL.

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More from @AdamLaneSmith

Sep 3
Most people stumble through dating blind. The 3-Date Method fixes this by giving you a roadmap.

Here’s exactly what to do—and even what to SAY—on each of the 3 dates to discover if you’re truly compatible. 🧵
Date 1: Direction
This isn’t “What’s your favorite color?”
This is: “Where are you going in life?”

Script to start:
“I know this might feel early, but I’m looking for someone who wants marriage and family down the line. What about you?”

Direct. Clear. No time wasted.
Why this matters: If your goals don’t line up—kids, marriage, faith, lifestyle—no amount of chemistry will fix it later.

Better to find out NOW than after years of investment.
Read 11 tweets
Aug 29
The most damaging behaviors in romantic relationships aren’t always dramatic abuse. They’re the almost normal patterns that slowly poison love.

Let’s talk about the silent killers of relationships—on both sides, what men and women do to each other. 🧵
What some men do that destroys love:
– Withdrawing into silence instead of engaging
– Dismissing her emotions as “crazy” or “dramatic”
– Using logic as a weapon to avoid intimacy
– Giving only provision but withholding presence

This teaches her she’s alone in the relationship.
What some women do that destroys love:
– Criticizing instead of appreciating
– Withholding affection until her needs are met
– Overusing labels like “gaslighting” or “controlling” to win fights
– Acting as the moral superior instead of a partner

This tells him he’s incompetent.
Read 6 tweets
Aug 27
Yesterday I explained what men and women bring to each other:
Men provide safety.
Women provide peace.

But why must each side receive first, before they can give their portion back?
Because love runs on capacity.
Let’s break it down. 🧵
A man who doesn’t feel peace will be too burned out to offer safety.
If his nervous system never calms, his testosterone collapses. Stress eats him alive.
He can’t protect, can’t provide, can’t bond—because survival mode is draining all his energy.
When a woman brings calm, gentleness, and loyalty… it fuels his capacity.
Peace is his recovery chamber. His body heals. His mind clears. His energy returns.
Now he can step forward with the safety she needs.
Read 8 tweets
Aug 26
Men and women don’t just “bring things to the table.”They each bring the very ingredients our bodies and nervous systems need to feel safe, peaceful, and alive.

Here’s what men and women offer each other when love is secure. 🧵
Men provide 4 levels of safety:
Physical
Financial
Emotional
Bonding

Women provide 4 levels of peace:
Calm
Gentleness
Loyalty
Executive partnership

Let’s break these down.
Men → Physical Safety
When a man shields his partner from danger, her nervous system relaxes. Cortisol drops. Estrogen rises. She can focus on love and growth instead of survival.
This isn’t about being a fighter—it’s about being a protector.
Read 12 tweets
Aug 19
“What do women even bring to the table?”
“Why do I even need a man?”
“Is marriage outdated?”

Let’s answer all three in one thread. Because the truth is, marriage is still one of the most powerful forces for human health, success, and fulfillment. 🧵
First: for men (from research)

Men in stable marriages live longer.
They earn more.
They recover from illness faster.
They have lower rates of addiction and depression.
They enjoy better sex and more frequent intimacy than single men.

Marriage isn’t a cage. It’s a launchpad.
Men need marriage because testosterone without grounding burns men out.

A good wife stabilizes his nervous system, boosts oxytocin, and gives him purpose bigger than himself.

Married men take more risks and survive them—because they’re fighting for something real.
Read 8 tweets
Aug 14
When love starts feeling like war…

You can’t fix it with a weekend getaway.
You can’t fix it with more sex.
You can’t even fix it by “talking it out.”

Here’s why your relationship feels like it’s dying—and what to do before it’s too late. 🧵
It’s called a cortisol association.
Over time, every fight, every cold shoulder, every unresolved hurt trains your brain to link your partner with stress, pain, and threat.

You stop feeling safe with them—and start feeling on guard.
Your brain makes a decision without telling you:
“I can’t work WITH them anymore. I have to work AROUND them.”

And just like that, their voice, their smell, their footsteps all carry the tension of every past fight.
They’ve become the enemy.
Read 7 tweets

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