So I met Mystic Steve when Ricky Williams took me into the swamps outside of Byron Bay. There was a guy living out there who looked like Tom Hanks at the end of Cast Away, lost in his little campsite, bathed in his introspection and the shadows of pot plants ten feet tall.
Ricky had first met Mystic Steve on the beach, mostly because Mystic Steve was wearing a Bob Marley T-shirt. In his journeys, Ricky has collected friends the way other people collect souvenirs, and that T-shirt was all it took for him and Mystic Steve to fall in together.
They talked to each other like father and son. It was lovely. Ricky would ask a question, and Mystic Steve would offer an answer. Mystic Steve would ask a question, and Ricky would offer an answer. If they disagreed, they kept talking until both of their minds were settled.
We had a great day sitting by a fire, making flat bread, and passing around a bong made out of a plastic orange juice jug and the stem from a papaya tree. It was slightly unnerving because trees would randomly fall over with a crash. I was like, Well, if this is how I go…
My favourite part was when we were trying to name the farm Ricky planned on buying. (We’d looked at this gorgeous property north of town.) We came up with Corner Stone, after the Bob Marley song. “WOOOOO!” Ricky hollered at the falling trees. “Good meditation!”
We lingered too long. At dusk the snakes came out. Every living thing in Australia is designed to kill every other living thing. Ricky was barefoot, and he LEVITATED out of those swamps. I have never seen a human being move so fast. Ricky was an athlete, man. He had JETS.
Anyway, Ricky and Mystic Steve had made plans to go to India together. I’d caught up with Ricky in Australia because they were waiting for their visas. After I’d spent my wonderful week with Ricky and headed home, their paperwork arrived. Mystic Steve had to harvest his crop.
Ricky and Mystic Steve wrapped a massive amount of weed in plastic and buried it for their return. Suitably prepared for more than one departure, they flew together to their first stop, Bangkok, where they decided to get out and smell the jasmine.
Now things get a little complicated. While in Bangkok, Ricky was invited to go to an Alicia Keys concert in Shanghai. Sounded like fun. He applied for a Chinese visa. His passport had gone through the wash at some point, and the Chinese authorities found it unsatisfactory.
In his waiting, Ricky headed to Chiang Mai in northern Thailand, because he wanted to buy Jim Brown a chess set made of jade. (I love that sentence.) Mystic Steve stayed in Bangkok. Ricky was sleeping at a youth hostel, and one morning, someone turned on the TV.
It happened to flick on to an American football game, and it happened to be the Raiders playing the Bucs, and Ricky happened to catch a glimpse of Norv Turner, one of his former coaches, and all of those happenings in a row shined like a neon sign for Ricky: He had to go home.
He flew back to Bangkok and broke the news to Mystic Steve: Ricky was going to California instead. Mystic Steve was like, Oh, okay, I’m still gonna go to India. The football star and the homeless oracle embraced and went their separate ways. They haven’t seen each other since.
Ricky heard through a friend that Mystic Steve somehow made it back to Australia. But I prefer to think that he’s still somewhere in the Himalayas, receiving visitors on the top of his mountain, passing around a makeshift bong, and shouting: “WOOOO! Good meditation!”
Because if that’s true, then it’s also true that somewhere under the earth in Byron Bay, there remains a giant bag of sticky icky that was lovingly harvested by two unlikely friends, forever bound by the time they spent searching for answers together in the swamps.

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More from @EnswellJones

29 Jan
Back in 2004, Ricky Williams, the American football player, left the Miami Dolphins after a third strike for smoking weed and disappeared. He’d had a notable career besides, but this was the capper: He said goodbye to his coach from Hawaii and vanished off the face of the Earth.
I was like, I want to be the guy who finds him. My memory is a little foggy here, but I think I got Ricky’s email address from the godfather of one of Esquire’s editors. It was an AOL account, I remember. I wrote Ricky and asked him if he’d talk to me if I found him.
He replied! And he said if I found him, he would tell me everything. AMAZING. But first—finding him. There were reports that he’d been in Italy, Fiji, Japan, and, most recently, Australia. A guy who’d felt trapped was now making the most of his freedom. Ricky was on THE MOVE.
Read 15 tweets
15 Jan
In 2009, I was driving to Montana to teach at U of M. (I can only apologize to my former students. You can imagine how many mistakes I made.) Plan was, I’d drive with all our stuff. My then-wife and still-current-kids would fly out after I got settled. What could go wrong?
At the time, I had a very big beard. En route, I decided I would look younger, and therefore seem cooler to my students, without it. I was 36 at the time. There was no way any student would ever think I was anything like “cool.” Still. It was time for my manky beard to go.
I was in a hotel in Fargo when I took it off. If you’ve never removed a beard, I must tell you: A beard looks better on your face than in the sink. My mum hates when I have a beard, and two Christmases ago, I shaved it off and wrapped it for her as a present. It looked like this:
Read 11 tweets
8 Jan
After I shit the bed with my dad in it in Hong Kong*, my bowels were never quite right and got progressively worse. My calamitous movements became legend. At one friend’s house, there was a sign in the bathroom. PEOPLE WHO CAN’T TAKE DUMPS HERE: CHRIS.
My guts were so rank, I remember my GOOD poops more than my bad ones. In 1996, I took a poop in a French youth hostel that I still think about like a lost love. That poop was transcendent. People who poop like that all the time… They have no idea how lucky they are.
Things came to a head, so to speak, when I went to university. (Hi, @UBishops!) I lived in a dorm, Mackinnon, that had two big bathrooms for, like, 40 kids. They were co-ed. Absolute nightmare. But my first day, I somehow got in and out without anyone else seeing me.
Read 15 tweets
18 Dec 20
My parents didn’t have much at Christmas when they were kids. My mum remembers one year she got an orange, and it was a big deal. For our first few years in Canada, money was tight. Somehow, they still gave us ridiculous Christmases. I mean, Santa helped. But still.
My brother, my sister, and I would get up early, run downstairs, see our piles of presents, wake up my parents—who always seemed strangely tired to me—and then take turns opening gift after gift. I remember an Atari 2600. A GI Joe hovercraft. A Norco Spitfire BMX. Awesome.
Anyway, as we grew up, my parents took to hiding our gifts off-site, because my brother was a snoopy bastard. One year, they hid everything at our neighbours, the Browns. We lived in the country, so they were pretty far away. Christmas Eve, there was a massive ice storm.
Read 14 tweets
27 Nov 20
Charley, my 14-year-old son, is autistic. One of his peccadillos: He’s constantly asking people questions about themselves. Sometimes that’s fine. Sometimes that’s awkward, like when he asks a stranger, “Have you always been chubby?” or “Why are you missing your arm?”
There is zero malicious intent. He’s just curious, and he files away every answer. We have tried to curtail it, mostly because we worry about Charley asking the wrong person the wrong question. But autistic kids aren’t always open to modification. They are firm in their beliefs.
Charley loves a hot tub more than anything. There’s something about the bubbles. So one weekend when he was 10 or 11, we went to a hotel in Kingston that has a waterslide and a hot tub. It was winter and quiet and we retreated to the hot tub for a snuggle. Perfection.
Read 14 tweets
20 Nov 20
So one time, GOLF magazine asked me to play a round with Arturo Gatti and Micky Ward and write about it. If you don’t know those names, they were two tough-as-nails boxers who fought three hellacious fights against each other and somehow became golf buddies.
The night before, we all went out for dinner at an Italian restaurant. Arturo and Micky spent the meal laughing about the permanent damage they’d done to each other. Arturo started, lifting up his shirt to show off a lump in his midsection that Micky had somehow made in him.
Micky—he was played by Mark Wahlberg in The Fighter and has a terrific Boston accent—went next, talking about how Arturo had basically knocked his eye out and he couldn’t see anymore. Their friendship had literally started in the hospital. I was like, these two guys are insane.
Read 15 tweets

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