Thread by @JoLuehmann

I am going to say uncomfortable things. Christians you will probably be activated. Your nervous system is going to tell you it’s dangerous and you have to defend your faith. Take a min, google the Backfire effect and be mindful of that.

On psychological abuse:

Psychological abuse comes from constant and calculated use of words and non-physical behavior to manipulate, coerce, shame, guilt or frighten a person. It results in influencing thoughts and behavior, distorts people’s reality and affects their sense of self and wellbeing.

1/

Indoctrinating children into a religion, and teaching them implicitly or explicitly that their belonging to their family and/or God hinges on their compliance and agreement to this religion; is psychological abuse.

2/

Using ppl’s circumstances to convince them their issues come from not having a “relationship w/God,” and seeking to convert them; is psychological abuse.

Telling ppl their feelings or judgements aren’t real but the consequence of bitterness or sin; is psychological abuse.

3/

Making people distrust themselves by convincing them the voice of leaders/pastors/parents is the same as the voice of God; is psychological abuse.

Convincing people their heart/emotions/intuition is wicked and can’t be trusted; is psychological abuse.

4/

Making people believe there is a perfect will of God that they may miss if they don’t submit to someone else’s will, or if they leave a church or set boundaries with family; is psychological abuse.

5/

Denying someone reality and convincing them they are not spiritual enough and need to read more, pray more, submit more; instead of admitting they are being abused and are rightfully distressed; is psychological abuse.

6/

Trivializing someone’s experiences and calling the victim too emotional, too sensitive, or too “spiritually immature” when they point out problematic behavior; is psychological abuse.

7/

Blaming people who are speaking about abusive behavior, or harmful practices; for problems in a church/home/organization; is psychological abuse (the organization/family isn’t doing well because people being abused are “sowing division,” is victim blaming).

8/

Lying about a people’s character and actions when they speak of abuse; calling them sinners, jealous, people working for the devil, demon possessed... etc; is psychological abuse.

9/

Victim’s of psychological abuse don’t know what’s real and what’s not, they gaslight themselves and deny their own reality because they have been conditioned to trust their abuser’s words more than their lived experiences.

10/

They have difficulty making decisions because they don’t know how to trust their choices. That is used against them to prove they can’t trust themselves creating a cycle of abuse. Their emotional state is fragile because they are perpetually in fight/flight mode.

11/

They feel anxious all the time, and are often depressed but don’t know it. They apologize when they haven’t made a mistake. They have a hard time relaxing and enjoying life because they can’t trust positive or negative emotions they experience.

12/

They have been convinced, and convince themselves this is the norm, the way life is for everyone; especially if it is the norm in their homes and then also their churches.

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It is not normal to not trust yourself, to second guess even trivial decisions, to have an inability to relax. There is life outside of this toxicity and we don’t have to remain in spaces where we have to deny reality to avoid conflict.

14/

If this is something you have experienced or are currently experiencing I am so sorry. I have a list of resources on healing from trauma in the link on my bio. If it is safe for you and you can, it’s ok to leave. If it’s isn’t, I hope you can find pockets of safety,
15/

people online and/or offline who are safe for you and validate you. You are not alone, you aren’t the only person who is going through or has gone through this. I am cheering on you.