Thread by @aubrey_li

For a dear friend, who's having a very big day tomorrow:

LWJ realizing that the Venn diagram of WWX's idea of aftercare vs. actual aftercare is just two completely separate circles, a nsfw🔞threadfic:

It starts when WWX's staying overnight at LWJ's one day, and the baggy lounge pants that he's borrowing to wear as after-shower PJs sags down his hips and reveals a watercolour splay of bruises.

LWJ notices immediately, of course. "Wei Ying?"

"Hm?" He looks down. "Oh. OH!"

"It's not what you think!"

LWJ blinks at him. "You're NOT currently engaged in a BDSM relationship?"

WWX, fully preparing to explain that he wasn't very selectively beaten up, gapes. "You uh, know about that kind of thing?"

LWJ shrugs. "I have a moderate amount of experience."

It's only because WWX's entire brain is busy screaming LAN ZHAN FUCKS??? that his mouth goes rogue and asks, "So... like, do you dom or sub, generally? Or are you a switch?"

LWJ considers, and says that he has a greater affinity with dominance than submission.

WWX's brain:

Well, since LWJ is clearly in the know (WWX: once more, with feeling, LAN. ZHAN. FUCKS???), WWX explains that he prefers to sub. He'll dom if someone asks him to, but domming requires a lot of brainpower and he's lazy.

LWJ, listening, disagrees. WWX is seldom lazy.

Anyway, what he particularly enjoys about subbing is the way the higher-order functions of his brain shut off, redirecting all focus to sensory experience instead. He's both viscerally aware of his body but also slightly distant from it, in a way that makes him feel AMAZING.

At least, when it's good. Sometimes (and he always blames himself, never his dom) he's just not in the right headspace, and it like an itch in his brain, elusive and infuriating. So on those days, he chases a little harder, goes a little deeper than he probably should.

And thus, he ends up with the occasional bruise or welt or scrape that maybe hurts more than he'd intended or wanted, but it's fine, it's no big deal, Lan Zhan.

LWJ frowns. This doesn't sound like very responsible domming. But WWX is starting to look a little defensive.

The dom is a friend of an acquaintance, who agreed to dabble in BDSM with WWX because he was also considering dabbling in BDSM. It's low-stakes, minimal emotional investment, which is exactly what WWX wants.

LWJ decides against saying anything further.

Instead, he offers WWX tiger balm and a massage.

WWX accepts, because everyone knows that tiger balm and massaging the bruise helps it heal faster*.

(AN: this is medically false. good luck convincing a Chinese grandma of that, though)

They've given each other massages before.

Mostly neck massages from hours spent studying (LWJ claims it's because WWX never studied a day in his life until university, and thus never learned proper study posture; WWX protests that it's not his fault HE wasn't born with a stick up his ass that keeps his back straight),

with the occasional calf massage when WWX gets a cramp during a swim meet because he forgets to eat (LWJ spent years bringing double the snacks and drinks, just in case).

And it's not like this massage is particularly intimate, the two of them in LWJ's brightly lit living room.

Except, with LWJ touching him gently, hands warm on his skin, and murmuring, "Here? Or here? Harder? Gentler?" it actually of is? And also, shockingly good? WWX hadn't really realized how frayed and jagged he'd been feeling until he finds himself relaxing under LWJ's hands.

It feels like the moment your key turns in the lock of your house, and even if you weren't feeling UNsafe, suddenly you just feel that much safer.

He doesn't realize he's drifting off until he lists to the side and jerks back awake.

"It's ok," LWJ says. "You can sleep."

He tips WWX back toward himself, until he's stretched out on the couch with his head pillowed in LWJ's lap. That's something they've done before too, because LWJ is surprisingly cuddly under his frosty exterior, and WWX is happy to take shameless advantage.

He dozes off to the soft, soothing motion of LWJ's fingers carding through his hair.

When he wakes up an hour later, he's covered by a blanket, with a glass of water on the coffee table next to him and the sounds and smells of food cooking in the kitchen.

WWX drinks the water and carefully folds up the blanket, before going into the kitchen to see if LWJ needs help with dinner prep (almost certainly not, but LWJ will indulge WWX's need to help by letting him supervise and occasionally taste-test).

They don't talk about the whole BDSM thing. Well, WWX sends LWJ a link to a subreddit every now and then, or a photo of some horrifying sex toy just to get a snarky reaction out of LWJ. But it doesn't get personal, the way it did that first time.

Then one day, LWJ gets a call.

"Um, hi," WWX says, which already puts LWJ on alert. "Uh, any chance you're still at work?"

LWJ is not. He grabs his keys anyway. "Why?"

"Nothing, it's just. If you are, and only if you are, can you drop by [insert street] and pick me up?"

"Is something wrong?" LWJ asks, already in the elevator.

"No, everything's fine. I've just been waiting for this bus for like, an hour now, and I don't want to call an uber because it's Friday night surge pricing is just waiting to gouge the fuck out of my wallet, you know?

Anyway, it's fine, I'm just being dumb. Sorry, you're probably at home now, aren't you? It's ok, I'm sure the bus will come any second now, just because I'm bitching about it haha."

"I'm on my way," LWJ says, and pulls out of his parking spot.

WWX is still waiting at the bus stop when LWJ arrives, looking mortified but grateful. And also... not quite right. He's laughing, but too loudly, his jokes hitting hollow. When he smiles, there's a wild edge to his mouth.

"Did something happen?" LW asks, as they drive.

"No," WWX says immediately.

LWJ says nothing, waits him out. Street lights sweep past them, filling the car with alternating flashes of light and shadow.

"Not really," WWX says, after a moment. "It wasn't even a big deal."

It was just, he says, in the careless way he says things that aren't at all careless for him, he was with his dom. They'd had a pretty intense scene. And uh, he kind of started to cry a little.

"Bodies, right?" he says, not quite looking at LWJ. "So weird and dumb."

And his dom asked if he was okay and he maybe kind of panicked a little and made an excuse and left. He would have called his roommate instead, but his roommate had the night shift this week and had already left for work an hour ago.

And like, obviously he couldn't go back and ask his dom for a ride. "Sorry Lan Zhan, you really didn't have to come, I was fine."

"It was no trouble," LWJ says, and bites back the rest: 'I would have come, no matter what. I'll always come for you.'

Then he reluctantly adds that WWX should, you know, maybe [SIGH] text his dom or whatever, because they're probably worried. AS THEY SHOULD BE. If this were LWJ he'd have run out the door after WWX and not let him go until he was absolutely sure WWX was all right.

WWX blinks at him. "But I'm fine."

You very much were not, LWJ doesn't say. "Doesn't he follow up afterwards anyway? Just to check on you?"

WWX, still looking bewildered, "No? Why would he do that?"

LWJ is appalled. "Wei Ying, aftercare is--"

WWX laughs. "I know what aftercare is, Lan Zhan. He's not a dick. He cleans me up after, makes sure I'm not hurt -- well, not unintentionally hurt, anyway -- lets me use his shower and raid his fridge. I even have his wifi password. We're good, Lan Zhan."

LWJ, who has several sets of comfy, worn-soft clothes clothes that he keeps specifically for WWX to use as PJs when he sleeps over, a drawer of extra toiletries for WWX in the bathroom, and WWX's favourite snacks in the pantry, RESPECTFULLY DISAGREES WITH THAT STATEMENT.

"He should still have texted," LWJ says, tightly.

WWX gives him a tired, fond smile. "You're sweet. But I don't need to be babied. I know some doms and subs do like, a whole hour of cuddling and mindful meditation after, but we're not like that.

You know me, Lan Zhan; I'd get bored after 10 minutes!"

LWJ questions this, profoundly. Not the least because the first time he let WWX put his head in LWJ's lap, WWX had zoned out for at least 90 minutes while LWJ petted him. But he's not part of this, and he knows it.

WWX isn't his to care for, to care about, in this capacity. So LWJ decides to [grits teeth] respect WWX's boundaries, and just drives him back to his place.

Once LWJ gets home, though, he texts WWX: Are you feeling better?

WWX: yeah i'm great! thanks again for the ride🙏🙏🙏

LWJ hesitates, then continues: You should take a hot shower. It will help reduce soreness tomorrow.

WWX: oh good idea i'll go do that

LWJ: Have you eaten?

WWX sends back photo of the interior his fridge. It looks, tragically, like this:

WWX:😔going grocery shopping tomorrow

LWJ, internally raging that this dom didn't even feed WWX before letting him run out after a scene(?!?!?!) continues: I see you have eggs. Do you like steamed egg?

WWX: yeah why?

LWJ calls him and talks him through how to make steamed egg.

(Here's the recipe, btw. I recommend using a bamboo steamer, if you have one, to keep water droplets from marring the surface of the egg: thewoksoflife.com/steamed-egg/)

After that, he tells WWX to drink water, and reminds WWX to take a hot shower.

WWX, cheekily, sends LWJ a post-shower selfie, flushed and still damp. LWJ is both relieved and hornygripping for the rest of the evening.

A few weeks later, LWJ gets another late evening text from WWX: hey lan zhan are you busy?

Which never fails to make LWJ concerned because WWX only asks that when he needs something and is trying hard to pretend like he doesn't.

LWJ: No, why?

WWX: it's nothing i was just trying to make steamed egg again and i think i messed it up

LWJ, admittedly, is confused because--how? It's just egg and salt and water?? He texts back: What happened?

WWX: [sends photo]

LWJ: Ah.

They videocall. WWX grins sheepishly at him when the call connects, looking tired and holding his bowl of very shriveled-looking egg. He's also got a ring of visible bruises at the base of his neck that definitely were not there when LWJ saw him a couple of days ago.

Ah, LWJ thinks. "I can help you make more," he says, then rethinks and adds, "or you can come over. Brother joined me for dinner. As usual, he forgot that I don't eat like Nie Mingjue." He opens his fridge to reveal a stack of takeout boxes so high it looks like a mini Taipei 101

"Are you sure? I don't want to bother you. You don't have to feed me just because I messed up."

"I will consider you consuming copious amounts of vegetables as adequate punishment for your culinary sins."

WWX laughs. It sounds like the way sunlight rippling over water looks.

"Ok, ok, if it's PUNISHMENT." He gives LWJ a sultry look and ruins it immediately by waggling his eyebrows. "How can I resist?"

WWX comes over. While he's eating, LWJ asks, as delicately as he can, whether WWX saw his dom recently.

WWX laughs again, and tugs his collar down.

"Isn't it obvious?"

It is. WWX bruises beautifully, something that enthralls and worries LWJ in equal measures. "Did you enjoy yourself?"

WWX shrugs. "For the most part."

"For the most part?"

"I mean, it's like anything else, right? Some days are better than others.

And some things work better in your head than they actually play out in real life." WWX shrugs again. "But I still got to come so it wasn't, you know, BAD or anything."

LWJ does not, in fact, know. He's also grateful that he doesn't know who this person is.

After dinner, LWJ invites WWX to stay over. WWX agrees, wincing a little as he gets up, which LWJ of course, notices.

"It's nothing," WWX says. "I think I just strained a muscle in my shoulder during the scene. Don't worry, I'll go home and do stretches like a good boy."

LWJ, with effort, does not suggest other ways in which WWX could "be a good boy," for him.

Instead, he insists that WWX stay, so that LWJ can lay him out on the guestroom bed and apply hot towels to his shoulder to loosen the tightness until it could be massaged.

The thing is, though, LWJ gives massages like an old Asian lady--which is to say, they're effective but they HURT.

WWX has a... complicated relationship with pain. He also has a complicated relationship with LWJ, in that he was head over heels in love with LWJ as a teen,

but didn't realize it until they were both in university. By which point he'd so thoroughly annoyed LWJ that it took him another 3 years to wheedle himself back into LWJ's affections enough to be considered LWJ's friend. But the head over heels thing never really went away.

Really, it was LWJ's own fault for not only being incredibly hot (and still getting hotter, which WWX thinks should be illegal), but also sweet and clever and stealth-hilarious. So what was WWX supposed to do? NOT stay in love with the guy?

But the point is, WWX's brain, which is already simmering in endorphin soup from the pain-boner currently occupying his pants, gets the added stimulation of having LAN fucking ZHAN pin him to the bed and touch him with those beautiful, warm hands -- and he bluescreens.

Not for long, just for about 3 seconds. Just long enough to blurt out, "I wish you'd fuck me."

LWJ freezes.

Then WWX's brain turns back on, reboots faster than it's ever done in his life. Oh shit. OH SHIT OH SHITOHSHIT. He tenses up, completely undoing LWJ's hard work.

"Sorry," he says, throat tight with panic. "I didn't mean that. I..." He gropes for an out, an excuse, anything. "I kind of forgot where I was for a sec. Sorry."

LWJ, hearing all this, feels his heart sink. Right, he remembers. WWX has someone else. WWX wants someone else.

WWX doesn't stay over that night, after all.

(and on that HAPPY NOTE, tbc? It ends well, I swear. *runs away*)

WWX spends the next three days in a panic-depression, sure he's fucked things up apocalyptically. LWJ isn't texting him and WWX can't make himself text LWJ, and he wishes it was busier at work so he can distract himself but work is quiet and he's going out of his mind. So.

He contacts his dom. Asks for another session, soon, tonight if possible. His dom is taken aback because they don't usually have sessions this close to each other, but whatever, WWX is hot and fun and a good fuck, so he agrees, tells him to come over.

When WWX arrives, he says he's had a rough week, and could use some stress relief. He wants it hard, then harder, he wants it to hurt, legs shaking, lungs burning, every muscle screaming. It takes him a long time to come. When he finally does, he starts shaking and doesn't stop.

His dom ends the scene immediately, asks if WWX has someone he can call to help him, or at least pick him up and take him home, because he looks like he's having a panic attack and the dom's not ready to deal with that when they were just supposed to have a good time.

WWX, still shaking, insists that he's fine. Don't call anyone, just call him a ride. Here, he can take WWX's phone and use WWX's account even. WWX would do it himself but his fingers aren't working great right now.

Fortunately, his dom isn't actually a dick, so he does call.

Not an uber though. Instead, he calls the first number from WWX's recently called list, which is, of course: LWJ.

A man picks up, his voice hushed and hurried. "Wei Ying?"

"Uh."

"You're not Wei Ying." The voice flattens like a blade, cold and sharp-edged. "Where is he?"

The dom is like, jesus fuck why do I feel like I'm being threatened?

(Narrator: were it not for the laws of this land, dude,)

"He's here," the dom says, "with me. But he's... kind of not doing great. You're his friend right? Can you come pick him up?"

LWJ comes, driving as ruthlessly fast as he can without actively endangering his life or license. When he gets there, he skewers the dom with a glare so murderous that the guy hugs the wall, legitimately in fear for his life. WWX is huddled on the couch, still only half-clothed.

LWJ goes to him immediately. "Wei Ying?"

WWX flinches, hazy eyes going sharply into focus. He turns from LWJ and snarls at his dom, "I told you to call uber."

LWJ promptly puts himself between WWX and the dom, then kneels in front of WWX and says, "Please, can I take you home?"

WWX, cruelly betrayed by his dom AND now at the mercy of LWJ's Sad Eyes, has no choice but to agree to let LWJ take him home.

The ride is silent. WWX says nothing, avoids LWJ's gaze by staring wordlessly out the window.

Finally, LWJ asks, quietly, "Is your rommate home?"

"Yeah," WWX says. He catches his reflection in the side mirror, and grimaces. He's stopped shaking, but he still looks like shit, pale and white-lipped, with red-rimmed eyes and a pinched expression. "So's his sister, who's gonna give me so much shit when she sees me like this."

"Would you... I can take you to my place, instead."

WWX considers saying no, because LWJ has done him enough favours, and it's not his fault that he can't stop being a good person, even for someone like WWX.

But he's so tired, and really not up for getting yelled at.

"Yeah," he says, hating himself a little for it. "Thanks."

He stays quiet for the rest of the ride, because if he can keep his mouth shut then it should at least mitigate SOME of his ability to fuck up. He'll just do as he's told. He's good at that. Even likes it, sometimes.

He lets LWJ steer him into the apartment, sit him on the couch with a mug of hot water sweetened with honey and ginger -- "to settle your stomach" -- and a blanket to go over his shoulders. WWX likes that blanket. It's made of soft blue cotton, and smells like LWJ's home.

In his less civilized moments, he's thought about stealing that blanket, just taking it home to snuggle on nights when his headspace grows barbs and thorns. But if he takes the blanket out of its natural environment, it won't smell right anymore, which would defeat the purpose.

After a few minutes, LWJ comes back, sleeves rolled up to the elbow. WWX hates that his brain still goes "oh hello!" at the sight of LWJ's forearms.

"Would you feel up to a bath?" LWJ asks.

WWX remembers that he's still sweaty and gross and sitting on LWJ's pristine couch.

"Yeah. Um, sorry."

"Don't be," LWJ says, and disappears into the bathroom to fill the tub.

When the bath is ready, he ushers WWX into the bathroom, then dithers at the door way for a moment, looking unsure.

WWX asks, "Are you staying?"

LWJ goes still. "Would you like me to?"

WWX should say no. But the thought of being alone right now, with only his own thoughts for company, makes his stomach turn. "Yes," he says instead.

"Ok," LWJ says, and closes the bathroom door.

LWJ is, of course, treats WWX with complete respect, backed turned while WWX strips and gets into the tub, and makes equally respectful eye contact with the ceiling as WWX bathes.

(WWX, mumbling to himself: I wouldn't mind a LITTLE bit of disrespect)

WWX is still pretty sore though, and still recovering from the endorphin crash. When LWJ hears WWX struggling, he asks, tentatively, if WWX will let LWJ help wash his hair.

WWX: ....yeah, if you don't mind?

LWJ sits by the tub (he has one of these stools), and washes WWX's hair

He's careful, hands gentler than WWX is with himself. He eases the snarls and knots loose, barely yanks out any hair, massages instead of scratches at WWX's scalp.

It doesn't take long for WWX to start feeling floaty, submerged in the warmth and safety of being with LWJ.

Kind of like how you always fall asleep just a little bit quicker when you're in your own bed, than when you're somewhere else.

"I'm sorry," LWJ says.

That startles WWX. "You're sorry? I'm sorry. I'm the one who ruined your night, by bothering you, again--"

"It was not a bother," LWJ says firmly. And just in case WWX still had doubts, he adds, "You are never a bother. I'm sorry that I caused you to think that you were."

WWX doesn't know how to respond to that. LWJ is too good. He gives too much. He always has.

When there's someone who keeps saying "yes" to whatever you ask, you need to be careful with what you ask for. That's a lesson he cannot fail to learn.

"It's not your fault," he says, just as firmly. "I was the one who made things awkward between us. You did nothing wrong.

Look, can we pretend that I didn't say anything, that night? The past few days have been... hard. I." He's not good at emotional honesty, but he tries his best. "I really missed you. So much. Can we go back to what we had before all of this? I just want us to be okay again."

For LWJ, this just reinforces the fact that WWX really didn't mean what he said, that WWX doesn't want their relationship to change. That WWX doesn't want more.

"All right," he says, and swallows the hurt when WWX smiles gratefully.

He helps WWX towel off afterwards, tends to all the injuries that WWX will allow him to tend to, and lays out PJs on the guest bed. (Which, incidentally, is why he doesn't see WWX gazing longingly at LWJ's bed for a solid minute, before making his way to the guest room instead)

The next morning, LWJ is making breakfast when WWX emerges, looking sleep-mussed and a little shell-shocked. He's staring at his phone.

"My uh. My dom and I are ending things." WWX puts his phone away and sits at the counter. "He uh. He doesn't think we're very compatible.

I think what happened yesterday. Um."

Scared him off, LWJ finishes. He doesn't think he has ever so keenly loathed another human being. "Are you all right?"

"Me? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Honestly I think he's right, we're not that compatible. I can be. You know. Needy." He shrugs.

LWJ knows that there are doms who prefer more self-sufficient subs, who enjoy breaking down someone who wants to be broken down, but are less interested in putting that person back together. Some subs like that, too, and prefer to come back to themselves on their own.

But WWX is clearly not one of those people, and LWJ is not pleased that it's apparently taken this person THIS long to realize it.

"You are not 'needy,'" LWJ says, visibly annoyed. He tells WWX that it's NOT 'being needy' to want more aftercare, and a good dom SHOULD cater to

the needs of their sub, or else, if they can't, not continue the relationship with this sub. A good dom should also take responsibility if a scene goes awry instead of sending the sub away, and if HE'D been WWX's dom--

It's then that he sees WWX staring at him, open-mouthed.

And LWJ realizes that he's said all of that. Out loud.

But WWX doesn't say anything, or press him for more details. Just says, quietly, that he's thinking of take a break from BDSM. Just so that he can really figure out what he actually wants. It's a good choice. LWJ agrees.

A few days later, a complete non sequitur from the text conversation they'd been having about the Dyatlov Pass incident*, WWX texts: what would you have done? if you'd been my dom?

LWJ takes a deep breath. Sits down, steadies his hands enough to text:

(*for your reading interest: smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/sci…)

I would hold you until you stopped shaking. Then I would carry you into my bathroom and run you a hot bath. I would bathe you and wash your hair. If you had contusions I would ice them. After the bath, I would towel you dry, dress you in soft PJs, then dry and brush your hair.

I would speak to you, the whole time. Tell you how good you were for me. How proud I am of you.

WWX texts back: you don't know that I'd be good

LWJ: I do. You're always so good, Wei Ying.

There are endless seconds of silence.

WWX: and then?

LWJ: I would bring you juice.

WWX: awww, no red bull? :)

LWJ: Caffeinated drinks are not good for your body. I would also give you food. What do you like to eat, after a scene?

WWX: something warm? I get cold sometimes, after

Once Again LWJ Reminds Himself That Murder Is Illegal.

LWJ: I would make you chicken and egg drop congee. Bring it to you in bed so that you could eat in your PJs, wrapped up in a blanket. And then, once you were full, I would tuck you in and let you sleep.

More silence.

WWX: you wouldn't stay?

LWJ's breath catches.

LWJ: Only if you wanted me to.

WWX: what would you do if you stayed?

LWJ: I'd hold you, spooned against my chest, until you fell asleep.

WWX starts typing a reply. He continues to type for a long time, but the reply doesn't come. Finally,

WWX: is that all you'd do?

LWJ's heart is pounding now, his pulse a living thing throbbing beneath his skin This is a bad idea. WWX just said he wants to take a break from BDSM. He has made it clear that he doesn't want LWJ the way LWJ wants him. This must be another misunderstanding. He knows all of this.

And yet.

LWJ: If you let me, I would kiss you.

WWX: where would you kiss me?

LWJ: On your forehead. Your cheeks. Your mouth.

LWJ is barely breathing. He's so hard. There's no response, so he keeps going.

LWJ: Your palms. Your wrists. Your throat. The jut of your collarbones.

This time, the pause is the longest yet.

WWX: that sounds amazing. i think i'd be very lucky, if i could be yours.

LWJ drops his phone. It clatters onto the table, the sound shockingly loud in the quiet apartment. LWJ scrambles it back into his hands, every impulse screaming--

WWX: anyway, you're probably tired. thanks a lot for everything. i seriously owe you. have a good night

LWJ types, then deletes, then does it again, five times. Finally, he sends: Anytime. Truly. Good night, Wei Ying.

(And on that note, goodnight from me as well. Third and final part coming soon!❤️)

WWX turns off his phone, puts it face-down, and has the saddest, most intense jerk-off session he's ever had in his life. Like, he comes SO hard but he's so sad about it.

But because he does have a single brain cell (it's working so hard), he starts to connect some dots.

He does realize that a lot of what LWJ said were...things that LWJ already does for him. Did for him, when he went to LWJ after bad nights. So maybe. Maybe LWJ might like back a little after all? Otherwise it wouldn't be so specific, right?

Maybe he wasn't just visibly furious at WWX's ex-dom just out of some dom-solidarity pride or whatever. Maybe there was a personal element to it?

So it's like, 90% sadness, 10% maybe???? Which is not a great percentage but. It's enough for him to text LWJ back the next day.

Because he's himself, the text goes like: so, lan zhan, hypothetically, and um, asking for a friend who's DEFINITELY not me, LOL, uh, purely hypothetically, what do you. like. look for. in a sub. if you were. you know. to take on such a person?

(LWJ, on the other end: oh well, he's about 183cm, long hair, radiant smile, likes spicy food, dislikes dogs, also dislikes healthy sleeping habits, goes by Wei Ying)

LWJ texts back almost immediately: Trust, primarily.

WWX: WOW THAT IS SO NOT HELPFUL

LWJ, continues: Someone who understands that this is a partnership. Who is willing to let me push them, but expects me to respect their boundaries. Who will let me look after them, afterwards. But most importantly, someone who will trust me, and who will be good for me, in return

WWX is quietly dying. He'll have to be buried with his phone, because he's never letting go of it ever again.

LWJ: Did you mean which aspects of BDSM I prefer when working with a sub? I would prefer a sub who enjoys bondage, physical and non-physical restraint,

mild painplay, orgasm delay, overstimulation, some impact play. I do not enjoy inflicting purposeless pain, nor do I enjoy scarring or humiliation. I have never attempted roleplay, but I imagine that my limited acting abilities would make me unsuitable for such play.

WWX is literally biting his fist so that he doesn't accidentally type 'lan zhan please please tell me exactly how you'd punish me for being bad and then how you'd fuck me when i show you that i can be good. omg i'd be so, SO good lan zhan.

and also can you talk about how you'd take care of me after again because i have never come as hard in my life as i did last night?'

Instead, WWX types: wow. i guess i shouldn't be surprised that we're so compatible in this too. And sends it. And holds his breath.

LWJ doesn't respond immediately. WWX contemplates ritual suicide, or at least the invention of time travel.

LWJ: Yes.

WWX breathes for the first time in what feels like a month, his lungs aching with relief.

LWJ: May I see you tonight? I think we should talk.

WWX makes plans to go to LWJ's place the following day after work, and is absolutely USELESS that day. No one calls him on it though, because he muttered to a colleague that he's going to see a friend tonight and he's a little nervous.

Naturally, the colleague immediately was like "oh shit WANGXIAN development???" and gossiped to the entire team and now everyone is both quietly cheering him on and covering for him with the higher ups.

Anyway, so WWX goes to LWJ's place. He doesn't know what's going to happen. Worst case scenario, LWJ says he has realized that WWX has feelings for him, does not return those feelings, and now would like to sever all relations from now until the heat death of the universe.

Best case scenario, WWX has condoms and lube in his bag (he already has a toothbrush and a spare set of clothes at LWJ's place). There is no option in between those two scenarios. WWX is an all-or-nothing kind of guy.

Only, LWJ opens the door and they do their usual dinner prep together and LWJ looks kind of nervous? Which is... good? Not good? The panic is interfering with WWX's normally reliable LWJ-telepathy. Anyway, they make dinner, they eat dinner, and then it's time for The Talk.

LWJ starts. "We discussed earlier that our... preferences are compatible. I know you said that you intend to step back from BDSM, but once you feel ready to resume, would you be interested in pursuing such a relationship with me?"

"By relationship, you mean..."

"As my sub."

WWX WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS. He also doesn't know if when LWJ means sub, he also means boyfriend. WWX wasn't dating his former dom, after all. Still, even if this is all LWJ wants from him, WWX is going to jump at this chance headfirst and grab onto it with both hands.

"Yeah, absolutely. I'm interested. Uh, in fact, um, we can resume now. Like, right now, if you want."

LWJ looks startled for a moment, and then relieved, as though he'd thought WWX might say no??? "Oh. Good. Shall we discuss?"

"Yeah, let's. Let's do that."

They discuss terms. What they each enjoy, soft and hard limits, safewords, etc. And also, whether or not there will be a sexual element.

LWJ, much doing his absolute best to be respectful while hornygripping: "I will not touch you in any way that you don't wish to be touched."

WWX, one braincell failing: ...oh. Ok. NOT boyfriend, then😔

They have their first session that night. Nothing fancy, just some light bondage and mild impact play, just to see whether they have chemistry.

As it turns out, they do.

It's STUNNINGLY erotic for both of them.

The only reason WWX is able to refrain from begging LWJ to fuck him is bc he was told to hold one of LWJ's gloves in his mouth and not let it drop.

The only reason LWJ doesn't come in his pants just from the sight of him is because LWJ has hornygripped for like, 10 years by now.

LWJ allows WWX to get himself off, back politely turned so that WWX can have some privacy (and so that WWX won't see the massive hard-on tenting LWJ's pants). WWX finishes on his knees, panting and shaking. (LWJ barely makes it to the bathroom afterward, and jerks off silently.)

The aftercare is even better than the scene itself. WWX gets warm soup and a bath, his hair luxuriously washed. Afterwards, a full-body lotioning and massage, starfished on LWJ's bed. And he sleeps in LWJ's arms all night, and gets breakfast the next day.

So, yeah, they decide to give this whole dom/sub thing a try! It's great, except for the mutually pining thing. But they're both operating under the impression that this is the most they'll get with each other, so they're making do.

Naturally, this doesn't last.

(#nsfw from here on)

It happens like this. They have a "date-night": dinner and a walk in the park, with WWX wearing a vibrating cock ring. It's remote-controlled, by LWJ, who edges him relentlessly all evening. WWX is sweating feverishly by the time they get back to LWJ's place

He drops to his knees the moment the door closes behind them, already begging. He's spent years begging LWJ, first for attention, then for affection. He's good at it. At first, he just begs to be allowed to finally come, but then he looks up and sees that LWJ is. Hard.

It's not the first time LWJ has gotten hard during their sessions. They've just never talked about it. But WWX's barely hanging on by a thread right now, and the heat in LWJ's gaze makes him stupid, makes him reckless.

"Can I suck your cock?" he blurts out.

LWJ's eyes widen. His mouth, which WWX has been staring respectfully at all evening, falls open. But he doesn't immediately shut WWX down, so WWX continues,

"Please? Please let me suck you. I'm good at it, I swear. I'll make it good, I'll be so good for you, please?"

Well, what's LWJ supposed to do, NOT let WWX suck his cock? When he's also been going slowly crazy all evening, the tension ratcheting up a notch every time he orders WWX to not come and WWX just...obeys? Is LWJ going to just let WWX DIE?

(Narrator: of course not!)

He undoes his pants, and barely gets his cock out before WWX lunges for it, moaning as it fills his mouth. WWX's too far gone to be good, too desperate for it to be anything other than wet, sloppy enthusiasm as he ruts his hips, trying to get friction from the seam of his jeans.

LWJ doesn't care about technique. He comes in under two minutes, shuddering and pulling tight at WWX's hair. WWX cries out, then comes, untouched, in his pants.

Afterwards, post-cleanup, food, and the most awkward aftercare they've ever had, they both apologize.

They lost control, and broke their agreed-upon terms of there not being a sexual element to their relationship. But since it wasn't... you know, BAD or anything, they... possibly, agree to amend their terms. Hands and mouths are allowed during a scene. But no penetrative sex.

"Surely establishing this incredibly specific and honestly mostly arbitrary condition will prevent the formation of undue emotional romantic attachments that I'm sure the other person does not want," they both say to themselves, for they are clowns.

The next time they play, WWX comes riding a toy, with LWJ's hand just loosely wrapped around his cock, to really make him work for it.

The time after that, LWJ makes WWX cockwarm him for an hour before he lets WWX actually suck him off.

WWX's throat and jaw are aching afterwards, but he still manages to say, "Thank you for using me" and comes into his own hands when LWJ tells him he's been good.

The time after that, LWJ ties WWX to his bed and fondles WWX while making WWX recite the multiplication tables.

If WWX messes up he has to start over. He can't come until 12x12. When he finally makes it, his reward is LWJ's mouth on his cock. WWX comes sobbing.

A month passes like this. 30-something days of what is unquestionably the best sex either of them have ever had.

It's so good that WWX's one overworked braincell starts thinking, surely LWJ wouldn't be so good to him if LWJ didn't like him. They're both exclusive anyway, and obviously compatible. Would it really be that much of a stretch to ask LWJ to be his boyfriend as well as his dom?

Naturally, because I, the writer, am a cruel and merciless god, the day WWX finally works up enough courage to take the leap and ask if LWJ would. maybe. like to... h-hold hands in a... boyfriendly way 👉👈

is the day he needs to look up a recipe and his phone's almost dead so he uses LWJ's phone instead. (LWJ has had the same password since he was thirteen--it's his birthday, because LWJ, while devastatingly beautiful, is tragically also a boomer in many ways.)

He doesn't even get a chance to unlock the phone when a notification pops up. It's a text from LXC, reminding LWJ of an event LWJ "and the person you're seeing" has to attend next week.

Oh, thinks WWX. And sits down hard, feeling suddenly very, very cold.

He doesn't say anything to LWJ. Instead he just watches LWJ all through dinner, the cold feeling intensifying when LWJ starts to get the Nervous Look of Conversational Significance.

"I'd like to talk to you about something," LWJ says.

WWX already knows what LWJ is going to say: that he wants to end their relationship. That he's seeing someone else.

There's a part of WWX that wonders if he could bargain LWJ into staying his dom if they go back to non-sexual BDSM, if the person he's seeing would be okay with it

But he knows that no one who had LWJ would even consider sharing him, in any capacity. WWX certainly wouldn't. Even if LWJ did agree, it'd be... awful. WWX's too pathetically, too utterly and irrevocably in love with him. He couldn't do it.

"Sure," WWX says, and braces himself for pain (it won't help, it never does).

"Wei Ying. I have a work event next week. Would you be free to accompany me?"

What. WWX.exe grinds to a screeching halt. "What? But. Your text. Huan-ge said--"

LWJ freezes. "You saw that?"

"By accident, I swear, I'm really sorry."

Now LWJ starts to panic, bc of course WWX's bluescreened horror must be because he now knows that LWJ has feelings for him and wants to date him and is horrified by those feelings!

Going cold at the fingertips, LWJ says, "I'm sorry."

Now it's WWX's turn to freeze. "You're sorry?"

"It is a misunderstanding. My brother believes we are dating. I know we... That you, do not want that. With me." He breaks off, voice catching at the last word, then grimly forces himself to continue.

"I asked him to invite you because I believe the event is one you would enjoy. You are under no obligation to attend, and certainly not as my... significant other."

WWX has never felt this much fear followed by this much relief in his life. LWJ isn't seeing someone. Thank god.

And then he mentally rewinds through the rest of what LWJ just said and goes, "Wait. *I* don't want us to be dating?"

LWJ stares at him, clearly miserable and trying to hide it, like hearing that just confirmed every terrible thing he'd ever conjured up in his heart.

WWX needs that look to never appear on LWJ's face ever again. He reaches across the table and grabs LWJ's hand. "I want us to be dating."

LWJ's jerks in shock, eyes round as a full moon.

WWX tightens his grip on LWJ's hand. He's not letting this get away, ever.

"I want us to be dating," he repeats. "Lan Zhan, I want you so much it hurts. I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you for so long that--fuck! Forget DATING, if I had my way we'd be MARRIED. Or--or soul-bound, so that even if we reincarnate, we'd always find each other--"

And then LWJ's hauling him across the table for a kiss, spilling food everywhere. "I thought," he says, against WWX's lips. "I thought you didn't want me."

WWX laughs into their kiss. He can't help it, he's so happy. "Silly man how could you possibly think that?"

"You're so fearless. I was sure that if you wanted. If there was any chance you returned my feelings you would have said something."

"Ah. Well." WWX's smile turns crooked, a little sad. "You were too important to risk losing."

"Never," LWJ says fiercely, and they kiss again.

They don't do more than kiss that night; they have years worth of kisses to catch up on. Instead they spend the night in each other's arms, laughing as they unravel all the times when they almost got their shit together and confessed (unsurprisingly, there are many such times).

WWX goes with LWJ to the event, where they both pretend that they really had been dating this whole time, and not just for the past [checks phone] 75 hours.

They don't have sex yet, though. LWJ wants their first time to be special. He wants to Plan.

WWX: when you say Plan, do you mean... Sexy Plan?

LWJ texts yes, and NOTHING ELSE. So WWX spends a week trying to wheedle some hints out of LWJ. It sort of works.

LWJ: For every hint I give, I'll edge you once when we have next have sex. Consider carefully if it's worth it.

WWX thinks for 2 seconds and decides, hell yeah it's worth it. So he texts back and asks for a hint.

LWJ: one [sends photo of a steel spreader bar with attached ankle restraints]

WWX nearly walks into a wall. Immediately asks for another hint.

LWJ: two [photo of a red ribbon]

WWX asks for six hints. Regrets them completely when LWJ, true to his word, edges him six gloriously agonizing times. But he gets to come spectacularly on the seventh so really, there are no actual regrets.

Anyway, the sex they have is incandescent and the aftercare is blissful and WWX never ever sub drops again under LWJ's care.

-The end!-

Thank you for being a great audience! ❤️

(seriously though I have so much admiration for you guys who post NSFW content on the regular. HOW DO YOU DO IT WITHOUT BLUSHING YOURSELVES INTO A COMA? Teach me your ways!)