Thread by @ThatRealDani

So, you want to know how #FloridaMan (or, in this case, #FloridaWoman) is born? Gather 'round, children, Aunt Dani has a helluva story for you involving very entitled people from up north who make their way to our Sunshine State as their new home. A thread./1

This also involves our HOA. If you thought gathering together in a community center at the park once or twice a year with the neighbors that you don't like in the first place to discuss HOA matters, just WAIT until you do it on Zoom, where you can actually see all their faces/2

It's important to point out that I live in Naples. I get that most people think that Naples is full of old people and old people ONLY. . . however, my family IS the youngest in our HOA.
Rest of 'em look like this. You should see what Thursday night at the pool looks like./3

So, back to this HOA via Zoom. Same old boring stuff, until they open it up for new business. And if you've ever spent a minute in a HOA where they open the floor for new business, you undoubtedly know someone in your community who will ALWAYS complain about something.

There's this woman from New Jersey (sorry New Jersey, but Florida gets dumped on by the rest of the country pretty regularly now).
I have begun calling her a Bundt Cake. It's better than reversing the B and C, isn't it?
She's annoying as hell, and very self centered/5.

So Bundt Cake INFORMS us that she has taken an "informal poll" at the pool and "everyone" would like to know if we can make this a 55+ community.
Bitch, excuse me, did you say 55+?
We're not close to that AND we have a teenager.
Do I lose it? You know I lose it./6

But THEN, Bundt Cake admits she just assumed. . . ASSUMED. . .that this community was 55+ when she moved in because when she looked around. She SAID that. "I assumed it was 55+ when I moved in because when I looked around." Girl, that's on your old ass for not investigating./7

I mean, who BUYS PROPERTY without checking that out? You just drive your happy ass down from New Jersey to Naples because you assume we're all old, and you buy a place because you ASSUME it's 55+, and now that you're wrong, you WANT TO CHANGE THE RULES?/8

Was I livid? Ohhhh hell yes, I was livid. Bundt Cake cited "the children" at the pool who make all the noise as her reason for wanting to change bylaws to make it 55+.
In addition to my 16-y/o, a 12-y/o boy lives here, too.
The children they're complaining about? Take a guess/9

GRANDCHILDREN.
The children Bundt Cake and her drunk pool friends are bitching about are not children who live here; it's the freaking grandchildren that THESE SAME OLD PEOPLE let run around like the place is Disney World./10

So Bundt Cake wants to change the rules. They assured me that I would be grandfathered in, though.
BITCH, PLEASE.
Like they can kick me out. I will gladly sell you my condo for a much higher price than I bought it so I do NOT have to be grandfathered into this nonsense./11

But this is a TYPICAL #MeGeneration #FloridaWoman story. New Jersey Bundt Cake moves her ass down here, makes assumptions without INVESTIGATING the rules first, and when she discovers she's wrong, she decides to make a motion to change the rules to fit her needs./12

Did I let her have it?
Yea, kinda.
Did I say something about how changing the bylaws wouldn't change a thing because the problem wasn't kids who live here but "all you old people whose grandchildren run around like screaming banshees when they're here"? Yea, I may have./13

Was there peal clutching? Yea, this woman definitely clutched her imaginary pearls. My husband was watching the faces of other people (the ones we like) and said they look horrified. By me? Maybe. Nobody here has ever heard me pop off like that/14

HOA president and the property manager have both told me they had no idea that was going to be brought up. HOA president told me how much "everyone" loves my son. And it's true; he's like the community's grandchild around here, so maybe that was part of the reason I was livid/15

But New Jersey Bundt Cake? I'll pass on that, thanks.
The fact is, so many people move here from other places and have this assumption about what life here is like. OMG, people have sex and produce children here! Imagine! It's shocking! We're not all old folks!/16

And no, I would like to be able to sell this place to anyone, in any age bracket, thankyouverymuch. We're not changing the bylaws to appease this one freshly minted #FloridaWoman who can't be bothered to learn.
Don't be a Bundt Cake/end.