Thread by @torriangray

Back in High School there was this giant orange giraffe of a man who hung around my friend group. He was a year older than us, dressed in a style I called Garanimals Big and Tall, was creepy as hell, and had no redeeming qualities, but he did have a car.

After he graduated he would still come back to school to hang out with my friends at lunch. That seemed illegal somehow, but he just cruised in with his big pedo vibes and no one questioned him for some reason. It was a different time.

Around that time he got a job at Incredible Universe, which was later gobbled up by Fry's Electronics. Basically the same store, but the whole thing had a Hollywood / Entertainment theme (e.g. you weren't customers you were stars, there wasn't a warehouse, it was backstage).

I stupidly told him I knew someone else who worked there, specifically a female someone. He went around and talked to every woman who worked there with the name I mentioned until he found her. He creeped her out so badly she never talked to me again.

This ended up being a theme. Dude's whole identity was working at Fry's, but he ended up getting fired for sexual harassment. my friends tried telling me it was a misunderstanding, but I later found out this same guy was once questioned about a sexual assault.

I don't know about you, but when you're looking for sexual assault suspects, how many 6'8", pale, orange haired guys dressed like a toddler are there?

He eventually bounced over to Best Buy... and was fired a year later for sexual harassment. At the same time he was in a grand battle with another orange haired friend of mine for the affections of an unfortunate woman.

Somehow he managed to talk his way into intimacy with her, probably for the first time in his life, and not only was he unable to achieve an erection he for some insane reason told his rival about this. "Hey, I have some news about my dick!"

Same guy was tired of living with his mom and wanted to move in with his dad in Michigan, so his dad bought him a Condo in Arizona. Think about that. His dad would rather take on a second mortgage than have his own son in his house.

Good investment.

I can't adequately explain how annoying he was. He was just loud and obnoxious and sexist. Every time I heard his voice it was like nails down a chalkboard. I tried to be nice because he was a friend of my friends, but midway through college I snapped while playing basketball.

He was down in the post yelling "HEY HEY HEY!" over and over again in his giant stupid voice, and I was just staring at his giant melon head. Something came over me and I whipped the ball directly at his face as hard as I could from the top of the key.

You know that PING sound when you kick a kick ball really hard? The ball made that sound when it pinged off his head. It smashed into his face with shocking force. I'm not proud of it, but good God did I absolutely blast him.

He went into a rage and started kicking a nearby trashcan but never came near me, presumably because he was afraid to actually attack me. While he was recovering his supposed best friend came over laughing and gave me a high five.

Which says a lot about how the world views him.

A few weeks after that I just ejected on my friend group because I could not stand being around him anymore. A good rule of thumb is when you find yourself comfiting violence against someone due to your disgust, it's probably time to go.