Thread by @jaredcwilson

Many moons ago, I was serving at a church that had to fire the lead pastor for a variety of disqualifying behavior, including short-temperedness and verbal/emotional abuse of staff. I remember hearing something important in a "house meeting" where explanations were being made

The elders were recounting years (plural) of working with the pastor in pleading with him to repent, to get help with his anger issues, etc. When they fielded questions from congregation, one person asked why this process had to be so "official."

Why, they asked, didn't someone approach him as a friend and talk to him without threats about his job or whatever. The elder responding to the question said something that has stuck with me to this day. He said, "Pastor _______ doesn't really *do* friendship."

That was significant to me then, but is even more so to me today. I have seen the importance not just of the accountability of ministers from the congregation and of course fellow elders, but of *being known.* Having friends.

Real Christian friendship can indeed mitigate so many relational deformities and even disqualifying patterns of behavior among leaders, if only for the reason that sin tends to flourish in isolation.

But "doing friendship" also forms us to be -- for lack of a better phrase -- normal people. Of course, it's not the only solution to abusive leadership -- lots of jerks have buddies, after all -- but...

I have come to be wary of all kinds of leaders, people with public ministries, etc. who don't appear to have close friendships. Not just acquaintances, not just fellow tribespeople, not just people they interact with online -- but friends.

And I think the growing epidemic of loneliness especially among men -- middle-aged men in particular -- is a big part of this, as well. Real friendships are formative, domesticating, normalizing. Christian friendships are primary points of discipleship beyond information transfer

A lot more to say on this subject, and I have dedicated a chapter to the subject in an upcoming book and have a blog post brewing, as well.

But I don't think it's an overstatement to say that leaders who operate from isolation are unhealthy and have a greater tendency to spread unhealthy ideas and behavior, as well. (This may seem like a "well, duh" observation, but I think it's still worth stating.)