The problem isn't just doctors not knowing what symptoms connect to what diagnosis. It's also doctors not BELIEVING patients when they describe symptoms that aren't obviously visible. #NEISvoid
My doctor friend expressed confusion to me recently about the delay in my endometriosis diagnosis. "I just don't understand" she said. "Every doctor is taught that severe pain goes with endo. They should have made the connection right away".
But the issue wasn't doctors missing the connection between endo and pain. It was that they didn't make the connection between endo and MY pain- or more specifically, believe that the pain I was describing was actually as serious as I was saying.
I was told that I was being dramatic, that all women have period pain, that I wasn't experiencing anything bad enough to investigate. When I finally went private (which isn't accessible to all!), my surgeon found severe endometriosis. Turns out I had been right about my pain.
The same with ADHD. Even though my doctor's knowledge of ADHD symptoms is outdated, he does believe that issues with focus and memory can be signs of ADHD. He just didn't believe I was having issues with those things. "But you did so well at your Masters, that doesn't line up".
People generally know their bodies and brains, and they know when something isn't right. It's a disservice to patients to dismiss their experience because the visible outworking doesn't align with how things are "supposed" to look.
I don't really think doctors have the expertise that they think they do when it comes to determining a patient's validity. Lots of symptoms are "invisible"- but consider that they actually are completely identifiable if all doctors fully listened to what patients have to say.
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It crushes me how self-conscious my ADHD friends are. Rushed apologies for being 5 minutes late. Remorseful explanations for not replying for a couple of days. Constant sorrys for interrupting. We've been trained to see the things we struggle with as friendship dealbreakers.
These behaviours are not objectively bad. I couldn't care less about lateness, and I love lively and fast paced conversations. If your friends make you feel like shit for these things, it's okay and justifiable to reevaluate those friendships.
I totally get why some people dislike lateness and interruptions and infrequent communication. But I am simply not compatible with those people. Meeting their standards means contorting myself into something I'm not. For me, that's performance, not friendship.
Before this account got big, twitter felt intimate enough to be vulnerable, and share the reflections I had on things I was processing. Now it feels like another social space with a set of obligations that I don't have energy go uphold.
It's nobody's fault, it's just how things are. I like writing and reflecting enough that having an audience makes me want to do it well. But wanting to do it well makes me think about how it will be perceived, rather than using this platform as an outlet the way I used to.
I literally can't keep up with replies. I have friends irl on read from months ago. I'm not equipped to be a twitter "person".
I know it's not what people want to hear but the best thing I've done for my ADHD is cut myself slack. It's not planners, or medication, or productivity hacks. It's recognizing that the world is hard for me to be in and I need to support myself through it with self-compassion.
I'm not saying the hacks and meds don't have their place- they do. But it's not sustainable to punish myself when they're not enough to make me neurotypical. I'm not neurotypical.
The further on this journey I get, the more I realize how much of my life is driven by an inner critic, by fear and shame. I've done so much harm to myself ignoring my needs with the subconscious hope that if I perform well enough, nobody will see that I'm an imposter.
If you're chronically ill, so much of your wellbeing comes down to individuals. A doctor who believes you, a boss who lets you wfh, a specialist who recognises your symptoms. Systematically you're doomed, and u just have to hope your path crosses with people who get it. #NEISvoid
The fucked thing is that people "getting it" is determined by things outside of your control. PoC are less likely to be believed by drs, and industries like hospitality etc, where your physical wellbeing is key to the completion of your work, are unlikely to be supportive.
This isn't really a thought-out tweet, I'm just reflecting on how much of me being okay is due to individuals who advocated for me, and how much of that advocacy is due to me being a white women with a Masters degree, in a "professional" job. And even still, it's been so hard.
Me: I can't be autistic, I don't have any social difficulties
Also me: Avoids any social situation where the rules are unclear, writes down scripts for phone calls, asks a billion questions in conversations to avoid losing control, can only unmask with other ND people
Me: I can't be autistic, I don't have any sensory issues
Also me: wants to throw up at the thought of dry paint or clay on my hands, can't walk on dusty concrete, feels sick from wearing tight clothing
Me: I can't be autistic, I don't care about things changing
Also me: Eats the same thing for breakfast and snacks every day, has to deep breathe every time work tasks change, hates when people try to contact me without warning or propose hangs when I already have plans
I've been meaning to do an intro thread for ....more than a year, and just keep putting it off, so instead, here are some tweets that I think best represent what my twitter vibe is all about:
(As you'll see, I generally post reflections on how we understand ADHD as a society, and the impact that has on ADHDers. I also suspect I may be autistic, so I post a bit about that, as well as my experiences with chronic pain. But yeah, see below for a flavour of my ramblings.)