It crushes me how self-conscious my ADHD friends are. Rushed apologies for being 5 minutes late. Remorseful explanations for not replying for a couple of days. Constant sorrys for interrupting. We've been trained to see the things we struggle with as friendship dealbreakers. These behaviours are not objectively bad. I couldn't care less about lateness, and I love lively and fast paced conversations. If your friends make you feel like shit for these things, it's okay and justifiable to reevaluate those friendships.

Before this account got big, twitter felt intimate enough to be vulnerable, and share the reflections I had on things I was processing. Now it feels like another social space with a set of obligations that I don't have energy go uphold. It's nobody's fault, it's just how things are. I like writing and reflecting enough that having an audience makes me want to do it well. But wanting to do it well makes me think about how it will be perceived, rather than using this platform as an outlet the way I used to.

I know it's not what people want to hear but the best thing I've done for my ADHD is cut myself slack. It's not planners, or medication, or productivity hacks. It's recognizing that the world is hard for me to be in and I need to support myself through it with self-compassion. I'm not saying the hacks and meds don't have their place- they do. But it's not sustainable to punish myself when they're not enough to make me neurotypical. I'm not neurotypical.

If you're chronically ill, so much of your wellbeing comes down to individuals. A doctor who believes you, a boss who lets you wfh, a specialist who recognises your symptoms. Systematically you're doomed, and u just have to hope your path crosses with people who get it. #NEISvoid The fucked thing is that people "getting it" is determined by things outside of your control. PoC are less likely to be believed by drs, and industries like hospitality etc, where your physical wellbeing is key to the completion of your work, are unlikely to be supportive.

Me: I can't be autistic, I don't have any social difficulties

Also me: Avoids any social situation where the rules are unclear, writes down scripts for phone calls, asks a billion questions in conversations to avoid losing control, can only unmask with other ND people Me: I can't be autistic, I don't have any sensory issues

Also me: wants to throw up at the thought of dry paint or clay on my hands, can't walk on dusty concrete, feels sick from wearing tight clothing

I've been meaning to do an intro thread for ....more than a year, and just keep putting it off, so instead, here are some tweets that I think best represent what my twitter vibe is all about:

https://twitter.com/AdhdAngsty/status/1340257396527046656

(As you'll see, I generally post reflections on how we understand ADHD as a society, and the impact that has on ADHDers. I also suspect I may be autistic, so I post a bit about that, as well as my experiences with chronic pain. But yeah, see below for a flavour of my ramblings.)

I keep seeing things like "Imagine if doctors dismissed other things like they dismiss ADHD" and "neurodivergence is the only diagnosis that comes without support"....and I'm sorry but in the nicest possible way...this is just not true at all? SO MANY other conditions are dismissed or go untreated by doctors. I know a woman who died from stomach cancer last year bc doctors thought it was just anxiety and refused to do any tests. It took me 7 years of bugging doctors to get my endometriosis diagnosis and treatment.

In the last 6 months, I've gone from being basically stuck in bed from escalating chronic pain, to walking 15k, yoga, pilates etc. Do you know what got me there? CBT therapy!

Jk, it was nerve pain medication. I know some people (I'm still actually yet to hear from anyone who actually has chronic pain say this though) find CBT useful for chronic pain. It was not useful for me. I found it gaslighty and ineffective, and my mental health was worst when I was most engaged in it.

I hate that practically every resource about ADHD and relationships is framed around "how to put up with your ADHD partner and all the ways they will fail you".

My partner and I BOTH have ADHD, and it is the most fulfilling, stable, and joyous relationship I've ever been in. Honestly, if you're dating an ADHDer, and you find ADHD traits like losing things, being late, interrupting etc to be dealbreakers...don't date them. You don't have to put up with those things, but you also can't force your partner to magically be someone else.

I’d rather live in a world where some people mistakenly think they have ADHD before doing more research, than a world where ADHD has no visibility. A psychiatrist confirmed my self-diagnosis, but I never would have known to look into ADHD without memes and social media. ADHD's diagnostic criteria is based on what it looks like to others- how much we seem like we're not paying attention, how much we seem like we're not listening, how much we talk "excessively" (who determines what excessive is, by the way?).

On ADHD + catastrophizing:

Do you ever think about the impact of consistently telling kids their ADHD related struggles mean they're lazy, careless etc? No wonder some of us catastrophize- many of us were taught that small mistakes DO make us inherently bad. Growing up, adults consistently made assumptions about what my behaviour meant. I lost things because I was careless, forgot homework because I was lazy, was late because I was selfish etc. As a child I knew this wasn't true and that I was trying really hard to be "good".

Don't mind me, just sitting here thinking about how angry flatmates and family used to get at me for leaving kitchen cabinet doors open, when it turns out it's related to my ADHD. They always made me feel super inconsiderate even though I tried SO hard to remember. I'm not saying that ADHD is a get out of jail free card for annoying your flatmates, but it's also not cool to moralise an ADHDer's behavior based on assumptions e.g. interpreting someone leaving kitchen cabinet doors open as them not respecting or caring about the shared space.

Too many doctors resist diagnosing people with chronic illness bc they think it's not worth it, or that people get "worse" and "depressed" after the diagnosis. Hmmm, maybe people appear visibly worse bc diagnosis validates them and they stop pretending everything is fine??? It's absolutely bizarre to me that so many doctors seem to think the diagnosis is what causes the discomfort, rather than the symptoms. It really feels like they're revealing the extent to which they believe what their patients are telling them.

I pretty much try to use this approach whenever I can and it helps SO much. vm.tiktok.com/ZSJpEqF1Y/

I am tired of seeing people (esp rich white cis men) pitch ADHD as a gift/superpower, when there are so many other variables at play that enable them to embrace and be celebrated for the strengths of ADHD. It's so disingenuous. I'm still critical of framing ADHD as a curse to be cured, but claiming it's a superpower is not an alternative I support. It implies people's experiences of ADHD are totally within their control, and that they're individually to blame if they're not thriving with their "gift".

I could literally proofread something 10 times, and I'd still make a mistake somewhere. I know this bc I often DO proofread things 10 times, to no avail. It's crushing when people interpret this as carelessness, because I am SO careful. It doesn't make a difference. I often think, "do the people who see my work as messy or rushed, ever notice how painstakingly slowly and carefully I do everything?". I might be the only person in the world who knows how careful and intentional I actually try to be each day.

From now on I'm going to be proactively blocking people who follow me and then get aggressive with the people I retweet. These are real people, and often people I really respect and/or have friendships with. It feels really gross to know I'm risking them being harassed. This seems to be a really fucking problem in the ND community on here recently, and I'm over it. Being neurodivergent doesn't mean that you get to define and break boudaries, or that you're entitled to treat people like shit. Of course there should be consequences for that.

Perhaps my least favourite quality in a person is when they relentlessly pursue a positive outlook on everything. I’m relatively reflective I think, and I like learning and growing, but not every experience is good or useful. It’s okay to call a spade a spade. Idk, I guess I just don’t see critical as being the same thing as negative, and it annoys me when people hear me thinking through something in a critical way, and assume that I’m being pessimistic, or that I haven’t seen the “good” in it.

If people knew what ADHD actually was, I would disclose it all the time. What's difficult to navigate (esp in professional spaces) is working out what assumptions people already hold about it and will project onto you. I talk about ADHD at work now, mostly bc a lot of people told me their own suspicions about being neurodivergent after I privately shared with them, and I feel like being visible is a way I can tangible help them. I do well enough at work that there isn't too much risk for me.

Unlearn the idea that oppressed people standing up for their rights or addressing how you are hurting them is a personal attack. It's bigger than you. I get it, it sucks to feel like you've been misunderstood, or like you've fucked up. But it's not about you. I literally repeat that to myself over and over when I cause hurt, and it helps me remember that I can choose btwn being defensive or learning and growing and restoring.

Hey twitter, someone has brought my attention to the potential racist associations with the word "niggly", which I used in a recent thread. I hadn't made that connection and I'm genuinely sorry about using the word. I've deleted the tweet, and won't use the word again. It's a relatively common word in my country for irritating and it's roots aren't connected to the n-word (as far as I can tell from googling). Regardless, it's close enough in sound that I should have noticed the potential association between those words before now.