Thread by @fariha1anwar

Why don't women speak up at the time of harassment?

1) Harassers often disguise their moves as common everyday gestures: It could be a hug that feels too tight, a handshake that feels too long. Here, the only proof a victim has is the FEELING she got at that particular moment.

Such harassment moves could be completely invisible to the onlookers. That’s why it is hard to provide a witness in harassment cases even if it happened in public in broad daylight.

2) When a woman gets harassed by someone she knows, her first reaction is CONFUSION - and possibly denial. She keeps thinking if she is being paranoid; if she is just imagining things. The closer and the longer you’ve known that person, the bigger will be that confusion.

Also, when Harassers prey on a woman in their circle, they don’t do it outright. It’s more subtle initially. They seek to lower the inhibitions of their prey gradually. That is why victims are usually confused and not only don’t speak up at that time but also keep acting normal.

3) Harassment is about exhibiting power and entitlement. It is not about physical attraction. So out of all the 'opportunities' a Harasser has, he chooses not those who are the prettiest, but those who are the WEAKEST - who are expected to stay silent.

Anyone who asks why he didn’t harass other prettier women is denying this important power dynamic between a Harasser & his victims. WORSE - he’s implying that harassment is a form of flattery like it’s a compliment paid to good-looking people only. This is a twisted mentality!

4) A Harasser is manipulative. He is habitual. He knows how to analyze the people around him and how to “play” them. That is why, harassers are usually people who are widely respected in their circle. This makes it even harder for the victim to speak out.

5) Yes, men get harassed too. A discussion on harassment would be incomplete without noting this. In fact, it’s even harder for male victims to come out; “He must have enjoyed it” they say. ‘They’ are the same ones who think harassment is a compliment paid to good-looking people.

6) Yes, false allegations can happen too. How to prevent men from getting falsely accused is a critical conversation that we would be more than willing to have - but only AFTER our society understands and acknowledges all the above ‘technicalities’ of harassment.

Harassment is a new conversation in our society. So, I don’t begrudge anyone who isn’t aware of the above facts. But I do hope when presented with an opportunity, we all show a willingness to listen and learn.

Please remember that while harassment victims are subconsciously aware of all these points, they can rarely articulate them. It should not be on them to explain these dynamics; it should be upon us to understand these.