Thread by @JoLuehmann

Christians often say “not all churches,” which yes, agreed. However, here are some signs of abusive churches.

A thread:

Obedience is demanded - coercing people into obedience and focusing a lot on behavior control and discipline as ways to evidence your godliness.

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Isolation - a tendency to demonize anything that is not the version of Christianity they approves of. Secular info is rendered as dangerous, a door to “backsliding.” This also extends to demonizing people with messages that don’t line up with to their narrow doctrinal beliefs.
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Belonging hinges on agreement - dualistic thinking is the norm, and rules of belonging are set with that mentality. You are with us, you believe what we believe, you behave how we behave; or you are against us, and obviously wrong. You belong if you agree only!

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Pastors are idolized - clearly defined hierarchies where the pastor is at the top. The closer you are to the pastor, the higher you are in the hierarchy. The ones at the top are the ones that the “anointed ones,” chosen ones of God to lead the people. Theirs words weigh more.
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Uniformity is encouraged - The choices of pastors and leader are viewed as the standard of godly living. A type of uniformity permeates as people model their life around the pastor’s life. People call this unity and conflate unity with uniformity.

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Individuality is frowned upon - people being their own unique selves is not really allowed, everyone is supposed to follow a pattern for their lives and behave and respond in the same ways. From choices of clothing to whether people should marry and have children.

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Excessive attention and love demonstrations that are too much too soon - trying to create a false sense of closeness and intimacy by giving excessive attention to new people, or people that may be pushing back. Manufacturing friendship. Treating people like a commodity.

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Control, feeling like you need permission/approval to make personal decisions - Control is exerted by withholding belonging, and using shame, fear and guilt to ensure people feel like they can’t make decisions. Control is disguised as care and love but it’s taking agency away.
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Forgiveness is equated to reconciliation - Allowing people to be harmed and not having proper accountability systems for perpetrators. Instead of accountability there is a demand for cheap restoration, calling it grace and forgiveness. This protects the image of the church.

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Shame, fear and guilt are common motivators - Opposing freedom, individuality and embodiment by dispensing shame, fear and guilt in crafty ways in order to manipulate people. Using abusive theology is often an effective way to achieve this.

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While these are not the only signs of abusive churches, and one of these doesn’t mean a church is beyond redemption; these are definitely red flags to pay attention to. In my experience, churches that act defensively when this is pointed out don’t want to do better 🤷🏽‍♀️.