Thread by @jdflynn

If you don't know that much about St. Patrick, this is the year to learn something about him.

His dad was a deacon, but teenage Patrick was not very devout. his grandfather was a priest.

They lived in the northwest of England, which was, in the fifth century, a Roman territory.

Then when Patrick was 16, he got kidnapped by Irish pirates.

The guy was sold into slavery.

Patrick, who was pretty soft then, had to work as a shepherd or herding cattle through the cold, wet, boggy, creepy, Irish wilderness.

(that's why my kids like his cowboy period.)

In the wilderness, Patrick learned to pray. Basically because he vacillated between scared shitless and bored stiff.

So he learned how to speak to the Lord. He reflected on his life and asked God for mercy for his misspent youth.

One night, when Patrick was sleeping -- six years into his captivity -- he heard a voice telling him that a ship was ready for him to go home.

Patrick escaped slavery, and ran 200 miles to a port, where he basically burst out of the bog w/ no money and talked a ship captain into letting him board. This was the fifth century, so the ship was pretty...I don't know, actually, anything about the ship. never mind about that.

Anyway, after a few days on ship, Patrick landed in England. But for some reason that I've never quite understood everyone was kind of lost when the ship landed and they had to walk for weeks w/ no food. Patrick prayed about that and found everyone a herd of wild board to eat.

Anyway, Patrick had a few other adventures, mostly walking through England. (none of them involved destroying a ring, but that's how I picture it.) Then in his early 20s, Patrick just showed up at home. His parents were overjoyed.

so when he got home, he told his parents that he wanted to be a priest. He may have studied at the monastery of St. Martin of Tours in France. (some people think St. Patrick is St. Martin's nephew, but I'm not too sure why.)

At some point he was ordained a priest.

He might have been a missionary with St. Germain. It's not totally clear. But what is clear is that Patrick wanted to travel back to Ireland. He had visions of Irish children calling him back to the country.

Palladius was a bishop who had gone before that to evangelize the Irish, but some pagan Irish chieftans in the Wicklow mountains seems to have scared Palladius off the job, or possibly killed him.

Those Irish clans were fierce.

So, Patrick was sent by Pope St. Celestine I to evangelize the Irish. He was consecrated a bishop. Probably he was 40-something when he landed in Ireland for the second time.

One of the first places he went was to his former master, to pay the price of his running away.

Then he and his companions started traveling through villages, mostly along rivers, to preach. Patrick preached in Irish, which the Irish appreciated. When he left a town, he usually left a companion to stay behind as its priest.

A lot of tribes tried to kill Patrick. One tribal leader, named Dichu, put a sword in Patrick's face. Then his arm froze up. Dichu couldn't move it while Patrick proclaimed the Gospel to him. Dichu converted, and they turned a barn into a church where Patrick offered Mass.

As the chiefs converted, village converted, then whole regions. Eventually Patrick has the chance to preach to the highest monarch of Ireland, Leoghaire.

Leoghaire was having a druid ceremony on Easter 433, largely to pray against Patrick. Patrick lit the Easter fire on a hill nearby during the ceremony. That really made Leoghaire mad, and he ordered Patrick's death.

But by miracle, Patrick kept the Easter fire going all night.

The next day, Patrick vested in mitre and crozier, and processed with the Gospel to Leoghaire. Druid priests were doing druid stuff when a huge cloud rolled overhead. Patrick dared the druids to move it. They couldn't.

So with badass confidence, he prayed, and cloud dispersed.

Then this high druid priest started levitating, apparently by his demonic magic, but Patrick knelt to pray and the druid priest crash landed on a rock.

Leoghaire didn't convert, but he gave Patrick permission to preach the faith.

A bunch of other cool stuff happened, but, long story short, from there Patrick converted chieftains and regions, consecrated a lot of bishops, ordained a ton of priests, founding monasteries, and basically being the apostle to Ireland.

I do not know anything about the snake thing. But I do know that St. Patrick really loved his guardian angel, whom he credited with telling him about the ship, and that for his whole life, he faced violence and hardship, and, in the midst of that, would do a lot of penance.

Also, I guess...maybe he liked green beer? I don't know.

Anyhow, St Patrick of Ireland, pray for us.