Thread by @greatbong

IPL thread. The only weakness MI has is that there hasn’t been a Netflix MI documentary for years, what would be better than to see Chris Lynn playing rumaalchor at Antila & inspirational speeches from the Ambanis. Otherwise MI has the greatest T20 side that ever drew breath.

Ambani ka haath is truly magical. They have God on their payroll, Talent as their captain, one end of the Modi stadium, and while sky may be the limit for others, they have him at one-drop. How can anyone go up against them?

The only player in Delhi Capitals who would fit in to the Capital of Delhi is Ricky Ponting. The rest of the side has talent but not much character, which is why they lose to the Ambanis, and if that sounds familiar it is.

Delhi has had problems with its air quality and this year too the withdrawal of Iyer will affect their quality. Stoinis is the key player for them, if he has a bad season they might struggle.

RCB has struggled with the bad karma of its once owner and ambassador. He should have paid the salaries. Like MI represents the legacy of the Ambanis in that they win, RCB represents that of the Malaya: all flash, all bluster, but little in terms of results

I knew that there was something wrong with Malaya’s business acumen when he called out Dinda as a acquisition they were targeting in the auction and they won. Their top 5 batting have been legendary but their bowling has given away runs like nationalized banks giving loans.

This year, Bangalore has gone with BBL superstars to shore up their flagging middle: Sams, Christian and Maxwell. Maxwell whose performance in the IPL is like the idea of India, last seen in 2014, but still being cashed out every year.

SRH. The only orange army that doesn’t win the title. While Warner and Bairstow and Williamson and Rashid Khan may get the plaudits, their real star is Bhubaneswar. Huge difference in effectiveness between their foreign & Indian talent, one Deccan charges, other discharges.

Rajasthan Royals started out like Shilpa Shetty’s career and has ended up like Shamita Shetty’s. They find themselves being thrown off the parapet before they get to the last 4. They shouldn’t have let Smith go, nor should they have splurged on Morris.

Without Archer they will miss the target, the Miller of 2021 is Miller lite, Sanju Samson someday bats like Samson, some days like Ranbir Kapoor playing him as a “Sanju”, which means the Royals depend too much on their Buttler to do the needful. Basically the plot of Eklavya.

I don’t know why Chennai Super Kings dropped the alcohol ad, maybe because the doctor recommended they don’t consume it at their age. CSK is like playing an old copy of EA Cricket 2007, the names are all great, but it feels dated in 2021.

CSK is like an old age home with Sam Curran as a young nursing attendant, with Kedar being let go because of too many bedpan incidents. The return of Raina might be, to quote Shastri, just what the doctor ordered, but I hope he gets the hotel room he asks for

Old men get cranky if they don’t get their east facing room for pranayam and it’s important for Raina to get his room preference & his easily digestible short bread cookies. If you thought I was going to let a Raina tweet go without a short ball reference, you don’t know me well

The Punjab franchise has changed its name, like businesses do to get rid of bad reviews on Yelp, but I am not so sure. Would Priety’s “Ishk in Paris” have made more money if it was called “Ishq in Paris?”

The Punjab Kings has the RCB problem. Super top order but then with that bowling attack nothing is defendable. I am not convinced about K L Rahul’s captaincy, and Rahuls don’t succeed anywhere, as in Kya Kehna, where the Saif character was called Rahul. That & the other example.

The Kolkata Knight Riders have a better team than last year. Because we love fish in the city, all hopes are on Gill. The problem with KKR is that Dre is about as mobile as a West Bengal state transport L20 double decker from the 70s, creaking and at imminent risk of breakdown

I have never really understood what Abhishek Nayar does in the team. He is like Prashant Kishore that way. Brendon McCullum’s notes I am pretty sure is basically using the time to do his children’s homework.

Now that the most powerful person in the state has a leg injury, we will have to see how that affects KKR’s fortune. I am of course referring to Rinku Singh.

That concludes my analysis of the IPL.

Hope you liked it. Please don’t forget to give me a fraction of the love you reserve for Harsha and Aakash Chopra.