One group of people in (southern) Nigeria I will always feel sorry for are the folks with N250M houses and Range Rovers and N23M in the bank who think that these things make them part of Nigeria's establishment.

I'll always be thankful to my dad for disabusing me of such notions
It is possible to live in the same neighbourhoods, eat in the same restaurants, attend the same schools, fly to the same destinations and have the same social graces as the owners of Nigeria, without ever being close to being one of them.

So many of us do not understand this.
In my lifetime, I've seen so many of said southerners rise and fall, all the while desperately keeping up appearances while the ground under their feet gives way, all the while not understanding what was happening and why.

The establishment is small. It is ethnic. It is filial.
If you understand what Nigeria is and accept it, you will be under no illusions. IBB did not liberalise some sectors of the economy and give out mining and trade licensing favours to benefit southerners so that we could later challenge his children.

Know this and have peace.
The establishment - the real establishment, not the 55 year-old drinking clubs in Lagos - understands the concept of controlling people by giving them something to lose.

You're not one of them because you have those things. They simply *let* you have them. As long as you behave.
The day M.K.O. Abiola stopped playing ball, the establishment had no more use for him and it mothballed him in prison to the end of his life, and machine gunned his wife.

The establishment is small. It is ethnic. It is filial.

You will never be part of it.

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More from @DavidHundeyin

7 Apr
In all my years of yabbing Zenith Bank which I've used since 2007, I've never had a situation where I do an electronic N50,000 transfer and it tells me "Transaction Completed" only for the money to vanish into a black hole.

But once you call yourself "fintech" anything goes.
Zenith Bank has done a lot of things that pissed me off including playing fast and loose with a USD transfer to my NGN account. I dragged them here for it.

But I have never seen Zenith Bank literally lose N50k of my money. I don't get how this is acceptable fiduciary behaviour.
I'm happy that some of you are so unthinkably wealthy that you can watch N50,000 ($100) of your hard earned money disappear into a completely unexplained black hole and be happy to let it happen.

Me I'm not o. The last time I was rich was in 2015. These days I work for a living.
Read 6 tweets
5 Apr
I remember in 2016 when I traveled to Ekwulobia via Asaba airport for a Nigerian Breweries activation and I passed through Onitsha.

There were snipers with flak helmets stationed above the Niger Bridge and military roadblocks with sandbags on the main road through Onitsha.
There were assault rifles peeking out above the sandbags and sniper rifles on tripods pointing at ordinary passenger vehicles going past.

You would have thought these guys were scanning for IEDs in a hot zone in fucking Fullujah, not cosplaying GI Joe near Onitsha Main Market.
You could hear comments from people in the vehicle and their tone, and you could feel a very deep sense of resentment at being treated like they were subjects under martial law in a territory under hostile occupation.

I didnt even live there and I felt oppressed!
Read 8 tweets
4 Apr
A bank C-Suite guy makes something like N2m/month. A teller at a branch of that bank makes something like 75k/month.

The C-suite isn't paid that much because they necessarily produce 27x the value of a teller, but because their potential risk to the bank is 27x that of a teller.
If the teller goes rogue and somehow beats the control systems in place, the most they can cost the bank is a few million naira. If the Head of Network Security goes rogue, he/she can bring the entire bank down.

That's what justifies that pay. And that is my point.
No one is suggesting that Nigerian police officers should be paid significantly more because they are great people or they necessarily deserve it, but because the COST of unmotivated police obsessed with petty bribery is many times the cost of paying them well.
Read 4 tweets
4 Apr
I always find it fascinating how conversations like the one under this tweet focus exclusively on the moral failings of the public officials living above their incomes, and completely sidestep the fact that public sector wages in Nigeria are stupidly, ridiculously low.
If my dad had not retired and gone private, I would not have had the opportunities I had and I would not have the life I have.

Are public sector workers in Nigeria not entitled to achieve self actualisation? Or that is reserved for the private sector alone?

These are the issues
My older sister once worked in the Lagos State Civil Service with her BA, MBA, 1 year experience at a bank and NIIT certifications in Java and C++.

Her monthly wage (2009)? N38,250 after deductions.

Is this realistic or genuinely sustainable? What do you expect will happen?
Read 6 tweets
4 Apr
Apart from seeing the inherent dishonesty and illogic of Jehovah's Witnesses up close, it was also observing the likes of Bakare, Okotie and Isi Fried Hair while growing up that first made me entirely question the concept of religion.

Imagine taking these fraudsters serious.
Someone will look you in your eyes and tell you "God told me that I'll be the next Nigerian president." The omnipotent Judeo-Christian god told him o!

Then the election comes and goes, and this dude gets 35,000 votes.

And you still carry your yansh to his church subsequently🤮
How many times did Tunde Bakare claim that "God" told him that he would be the next president? Was his god lying? Or his god's power no reach INEC power?

Or perhaps Bakare himself is a pathological liar and career bullshitter who lives off people's credulity?

I wonder which🙄
Read 4 tweets
3 Apr
I wish people would stop citing this as an example for Africa because it omits one HUGE fact: Korea, Taiwan, Japan etc are ALMOST ENTIRELY HOMOGENEOUS COUNTRIES.

You CANNOT pull this stunt in a post colonial African state with 50 million people and 76 distinct ethnic groups!
Put it this way: If North Korea were to open up its economy and become capitalist today, within just 15 years, its HDI score will be higher than ANY African country.

Ethnically and culturally homogenous countries have the ability to act in ways that diverse ones simply cannot.
Taiwan, South Korea and Japan could thumb their nose at the IMF and World Bank because 1) Cultural homogeneity assisted the govt in enacting large scale change in a very short period of time and 2) Their statehood and sovereignty genuinely meant something to those populations.
Read 6 tweets

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