Today has been... quite a day.
As per family's request, and with the help of our good colleagues from Hospice and Palliative Care, we did "terminal weaning" (aka "compassionate extubation" and yes, this is me sugarcoating) on our 9-day old patient.
1/
As per family's request, and with the help of our good colleagues from Hospice and Palliative Care, we did "terminal weaning" (aka "compassionate extubation" and yes, this is me sugarcoating) on our 9-day old patient.
1/
This patient suffered from Hypoxic Ischemic Encephalopathy from Neonatal Asphyxia, as her mother was a COVID severe patient who eventually succumbed to the disease. Both patients coded at the OR during delivery, and despite all our efforts put towards achieving good outcomes...2/
they have now both passed on.
I've seen death before, but not like this.
I never thought I'd one day sedate a newborn, wean her off the vent and watch as she "comfortably" passes on. My seniors say "She's in a happier place now. She's with her mom." 3/
I've seen death before, but not like this.
I never thought I'd one day sedate a newborn, wean her off the vent and watch as she "comfortably" passes on. My seniors say "She's in a happier place now. She's with her mom." 3/
I am typing this up and I simply cannot process.
I wish it was as simple a matter as "watching a patient and not doing anything about it goes against what I swore on when I took up this profession" (although, to some extent, it is)...
... It is not. 4/
I wish it was as simple a matter as "watching a patient and not doing anything about it goes against what I swore on when I took up this profession" (although, to some extent, it is)...
... It is not. 4/
These past few days, I've updated mostly fathers over the phone,as quite a number of the moms of our delivered babies are currently admitted for or has already succumbed to COVID. I listen and I nod and I say "We are doing our best". 5/
I say this as I think about not getting their hopes too high up, while also trying to soften the blow - they've already lost so much in so little time.
Many times I find myself out of words. I hear them cry on the other line. 6/
Many times I find myself out of words. I hear them cry on the other line. 6/
I hear their sadness as they ask me to take care of their baby. I hear the plea of a man who might not be able to take yet another loss.
I listen, I nod and I helplessly say "My prayers and thoughts are always with you. We are doing our best."
It's days like this that has 7/
I listen, I nod and I helplessly say "My prayers and thoughts are always with you. We are doing our best."
It's days like this that has 7/
me haphazardly balancing between empathy & objectively distancing myself. Days like this always require a little bit more of me, & today it feels like I have nothing left to give.
Everyday I pray there is more to give. Let there be more to give... 8/
Everyday I pray there is more to give. Let there be more to give... 8/
• • •
Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to
force a refresh
