Thread by @GregoryMcKelvey

I can’t protest anymore. The police won. And that defeat hurts so much, I feel like I failed. I went from the fearless kid at the front with a megaphone to the thought of a flash bang keeping me up. All that time in jail, batons, watching my friends bleed, the chaos and screams.

Protesting, leading, being vocal - especially while Black in Portland is a thankless job. You have people accusing you of profiting, building a career, or even worse. As if this route was a good route for any of this. I coulda left law school and became a rich attorney. I didn’t.

People treat skills as liabilities and some liabilities as evidence of oppression rather than working to incorporate all intersections. And that’s what the cops wanted. They built me up, at the age of 22. Primed me for my own to beat me down. And beat down I am.

When I tell people that now I operate more behind the scenes so many people say things like “you graduated” or “ya you figured out a more effective way”. That’s not true. I was good at it. I had to adapt my skill set to be the behind the scenes type and I’m still working on it.

It’s hard to have been beat by police, harassed my entire life by cops, seen first hand them beat up old ladies and families I was leading and then say I’m going to fight behind the scenes. But I can’t be out there. I can’t blame it on being a father anymore, it’s because of me.

But Portland, I never have an never will stop fighting exactly as hard as I always have. It just looks different. But it is hard to give up skills. But I do believe I’ve brought those skills into fields that desperately need them and thank those who have enabled me to do that.

I just want to say, you might not see me out there but I know y’all see me in your Venmo’s, RT’s, DM’s and just hope you know I’m supporting the movement just in another forum. Much love Portland. I want to join you in the streets. But for now, I fight where I can

We just settled with the City of Portland for them trying to kill my wife while arresting us both. We settled for a number so small that I am embarrassed to say it. Just because we couldn’t take it anymore. We couldn’t go to court. We couldn’t relive it. We gave up.

We wanted to be the people who fought to the end. But the trial would have been 5 years after the incident. 2 kids later. And was clearly not going to stop them from being bad. We didn’t want a high profile trial on the news. We can’t take the death threats.

Just this week my home was broken into and I had to clear each room with two loaded guns like I’m in the military just to have the cops called on me for yelling at my family to stay in the car. I’m fucking worn down.

This week I tried to watch the Chauvin trial and couldn’t. I watched the video of Adam Toledo and didn’t even know what to feel. The news of Daunte Wright just adds to it all. Then Portland police killed another person today. I can’t help but feel like we are losing.

During the uprising I watched people make the same mistakes I learned from in 2016 and didn’t know what to do because it wasn’t my place to lead. I mentored so many people just to watch them reach my same fate just sooner. What took 4 years to stop me took them a summer.

Police have perfected the art of killing movements, killing Black people, and killing our spirit. But as long as I’m not dead I’m going to fight. You just won’t see it on the news. Just please afford me some grace.

I’ve been through so much. I have a family now. My work is 100% around making the world a better place. I’m not rich. I’ll never be rich. I’ll never be the lawyer my mom wanted me to be, I couldn’t go that route. But I’m comfortable, I can feed my fam while working for you all ❤️